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Comments

1. #1
   On August 2nd, 2004 at 1:16 pm, Jay G said:

   If we’re not careful, the government will mandate Orvile Reddenbocker as the new air bag czar…

2. #2
   On August 2nd, 2004 at 1:20 pm, Bithead said:

   OK, someone’s just gotta stand up and say this;

   That’s just corny.

   And the line “I’ve never had an accident” coming form a 17 year old is laughable as well.

3. #3
   On August 2nd, 2004 at 1:35 pm, Hubris said:

   “Officer, I swear I had only 2-3 small ears of corn earlier this afternoon.”

   “Yeah, right. That’s why you reek of butter. Step out of the car, please.”

4. #4
   On August 2nd, 2004 at 1:38 pm, spacemonkey said:

   What they forgot were the first three rules of safe driving.

   1. Eyes on the road
   2. Hands on the wheel
   3. Ears in the KFC bag

5. #5
   On August 2nd, 2004 at 1:43 pm, patrick creeden said:

   Even for someone who lives in NYC, this is unusual. Now drop the corn, put your hands in the air, and step out of the vehicle

6. #6
   On August 2nd, 2004 at 1:51 pm, Trapped Inside the Beltway said:

   Did they check her breath for butter and salt?

7. #7
   On August 2nd, 2004 at 2:06 pm, jeff said:

   Where are our lawmakers?? We urgently need federal regulations specifying which vegetables are acceptable while driving!

8. #8
   On August 2nd, 2004 at 2:10 pm, Chris said:

   According to the article, she was “charged with failing to maintain control of her car.”

   This is a beautiful thing. There is no need for ANY cell phone laws. Period.

   And every government official that spends any of their time lobbying for these rediculous laws should be run out of town for wasting tax-payer money.

   This might be the first time that corn consumption was a contributing factor in an accident. Did that leave us totally at a loss as to how to handle it? No. Turns out that no one needed to proavtively anticipate the “corn” angle and make sure there was a law.

   We have plenty of laws in this country. We could easily go for a decade without enacting any new laws and everything would be covered under existing laws.

9. #9
   On August 2nd, 2004 at 2:14 pm, Hubris said:

   Chris, I think we need to be more careful as a society. It’s well known that corn is a “gateway” vegetable. I know I wouldn’t want to see the streets of Anytown, USA filled with addicts strung out on peas and green beans (like Amsterdam).

10. #10
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 2:15 pm, Marty said:

    It’s time for corncob control, along with a federally mandated 10-minute waiting period before you can consume the corn. Is Chucky Cheese Schumer on the case?

    I notice the officer’s name was Cornwell. Must be an Iowa thing.

    Maybe Jethro Edwards can sue the manufacturer of the corn and tell us a heart-rending tale of what it felt like to be that ear of corn and go through such a traumatic event.

11. #11
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 2:19 pm, Mad Mikey said:

    I guess she wasn’t keeping an EAR out for the cops…..[/bad pun]

12. #12
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 2:33 pm, Frog said:

    No doubt she got an earful from her folks when she got home!

    Har har har!

13. #13
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 2:41 pm, Chris said:

    Has she blamed President Bush yet?

14. #14
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 3:27 pm, Aaron Matthew Arnwine said:

    Michelle, can you comment on the Boca Raton retreat in November? Have you been to something like this before…

    And if I shell out a couple grand, will it be worth it?

    Thanks!

15. #15
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 3:32 pm, Mat said:

    Hands-free cellphones are more dangerous – it’s not a joke. See:

    http://www.azcentral.com/business/articles/0719hands-free19-ON.html

    Plus, you can use your hands to it corn!

16. #16
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 3:37 pm, Mat said:

    Oops, it’s “eat corn”

17. #17
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 3:45 pm, tsmith said:

    Seriously, as the husband of a corn-loving Vietnamese woman driver, I think it is safe to say that eating corn while driving would not diminish her capacity to drive. In fact, nothing could diminish her capacity. That’s because she has no capacity to drive. She has a license, but that is not the same thing.

    On the other hand, her corn eating abilities are beyond reproach. She eats with no butter or salt, and with one hand, pops off one kernel at a time and puts each one individually in her mouth (you gotta see it). So I am not surprised that the Vietnamese woman driver in this story is confident that her corn eating was not a distraction.

18. #18
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 3:57 pm, Marty said:

    I know some Vietnamese, but until now I had no idea about their corn-eating prowess.

    How were John Kerry’s corn-eating skills honed during his 100-day stay in ‘Nam?

19. #19
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 3:58 pm, Chris said:

    I do love the “never had an accident before in my life” line. At 17 that is quite profound. Does that mean she is just getting warmed up?

    Next, juggling flaming torches while driving.

    Making Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while driving.

    knitting sweaters while driving.

    Assembling jigsaw puzzles while driving.

    And NONE of these things are specifically named in any law! This spells disaster!

20. #20
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 4:00 pm, Chris said:

    I thought Kerry said he ate babies during Vietnam. Among other atrocities he confessed to.

    Although heard one of his purple hearts was corn related.

21. #21
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 4:06 pm, Dman said:

    The thing that bothered me the most is that they give medals for fourth place. Everyone’s a winner. Ya hoo!

22. #22
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 4:16 pm, slimedog said:

    Vietnamese corn? L.A., what are you smokin’ in that corncob pipe o’ yours?

23. #23
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 4:20 pm, Liberal Offender is Boring said:

    I have to wonder if you hang out here because nobody looks at your lame sight. Must be frustrating when you have absolutley nothing to offer and no one who will listen.

24. #24
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 4:45 pm, Connecticut Yankee said:

    Geez, eating corn on the cob in Iowa — go figure. You know John Kerry, I hear he served in Viet Nam, once committed unspeakable perverse atrocities with corn on the cob against the peaceful citizens of Viet Nam. This in turn, traumatized a whole generation of Vietnamese, and now we are experiencing, once again, the awful results of that tragic conflict, in this case, a poor vietnamese teenager driving under the influence of corn. It is all John Kerrys fault! He was out there operating without any sense of what is right or wrong. Capt. Willard, we need you to terminate the Lt’s command with extreme prejudice. The horror, the horror.

25. #25
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 4:53 pm, Quig said:

    Michelle, I still love you no matter what that Liberal Avenger says. He’s just upset Kerry didn’t get a boost in the polls from the DNC Bush bash.

26. #26
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 5:09 pm, Lisa said:

    hah! tsmith! That is the best! And so true!!

27. #27
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 5:14 pm, Lisa said:

    hey Lib Avenger! News flash. Michelle is not white.

28. #28
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 5:25 pm, Trapped Inside the Beltway said:

    Speaking of corny (but off topic), how is this for a headline from AFP, “Kerry campaign shadowed by terror warning, low poll figures”? Is the Kerry campaign playing politics by using their stalker to get headlines? I wonder.

29. #29
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 5:28 pm, Angry Frenchman said:

    She’s a self-hating Filipino.

30. #30
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 5:44 pm, Lisa said:

    Michelle loves her heritage,well,at least until they caved to the terrorist.

31. #31
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 6:58 pm, Senator John Edwards said:

    To the young woman involved in this tragedy, please contact me. I can file a class action suit against the negligant farmer that grew the corn that will make me – I mean us – rich.

32. #32
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 7:12 pm, Ryan said:

    This accident never would have happened had the driver been homeschooled. Malkin must blame the public school system for this mishap. Maybe the high school driver’s ed class didn’t teach the finer points of driving-while-eating. It must be something that kids who aren’t homeschooled are missing out on. This poor girl is at a severe disadvantage, and this clearly shows the damaging results of not homeschooling your children.

33. #33
    On August 2nd, 2004 at 8:15 pm, Martin aka Blogbat said:

    Did you really run an analysis of ALL the names EVER mentioned in Michelle’s blog? If so, I hope you wrote a script- I’m way too “ADHD” for that. Well, even if we an base ethnicity on surnames (NM Gov. Bill Richardson, anyone?) and your stats are 100% on the dime, they wouldn’t be too out of sync with national crime statistics increased because of Liberal pandering to the institutionalization of racist policies such as welfare, unwed pregnancy and soft-prosecution, though sadly, the percentage of criminals in penal institutions is much higher among non-whites (whatever “white” means). The statistic for Asians is much lower than the 20% mentioned above. I guess you mean to say that Michelle is racist against Asians. Well, okay…

    As far as the idea that teenagers (as per the example provided by the Quach girl) should be pigging out on a hot two-hander like COTC, I think that’s refusal to acknowledge common sense. Or as the Germans say it, “Quatsch”.

34. #34
    On August 3rd, 2004 at 12:11 am, Dman said:

    Maybe liberal annoyer should take a math class.

35. #35
    On August 3rd, 2004 at 1:10 am, KB said:

    Why is the Lib Avenger soooo fanatically obsessed with race?