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By Michelle Malkin  •  October 31, 2004 03:44 AM

Watching John Kerry do his John Wayne imitation is like watching Matt Lauer parade around in his Paris Hilton costume.

You don’t know whether to laugh or shudder at the sight. But one thing’s certain: It’s absolutely hideous.

Let’s brace ourselves and take a closer look at Kerry in rhetorical disguise on Friday:

In response to this tape of Osama bin Laden, let me make it clear, crystal clear, as Americans we are absolutely united in our determination to hunt down and destroy Osama bin Laden and the terrorists. They are barbarians and I will stop at absolutely nothing to hunt down and capture or kill the terrorists wherever they are, whatever it takes. Period.

The only thing “crystal clear” is Kerry’s utter lack of clarity on national security matters:

Which terrorists will Kerry “hunt down and destroy?” Only the ones who have already committed acts of terrorism. To borrow Charles Krauthammer’s brilliant phrase, Kerry is the self-styled “retroactive genius” in this campaign–the one “who always knows what needs to be done after it has already happened.” This is true not only of Kerry’s after-the-fact foreign policy in Afghanistan and Iraq, but also of his after-the-fact homeland security policy. Kerry has lambasted John Ashcroft for targeting Middle Eastern illegal aliens, surveilling terrorist sympathizers, and arresting and prosecuting Islamist suspects. Yet, Kerry is silent on the preemptive measures he would take to stop terrorist conspirators on American soil before they commit their crimes.

Stop at absolutely nothing to capture or kill terrorists? Unless, of course, Amnesty International objects.

Wherever they are? Unless, of course, they’re in a bunker that requires busting or unless they’re already here–in which case, they’ll roam free under a Kerry administration that limits (if not repeals) the Patriot Act and abandons immigration enforcement altogether.

Whatever it takes? Unless, of course, it fails the “Global Test.”

Period? Has Kerry ever said anything unequivocally ? Period? Insert laugh track here.

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