I wish I were making this up. From Scripps Howard:

The federal government wants to change its current rules to permit convicted arsonists to get special licenses so they can drive gasoline tankers and trucks loaded with explosives and hazardous materials…”Arson is not always an act of terrorism,” the Transportation Security Administration declared in proposing the new regulations that would permit the agency to review on a case-by-case basis whether convicted arsonists should get the special licenses allowing them to drive gasoline trucks, or other vehicles carrying hazardous materials.

Under the Patriot Act, the TSA – a branch of the new Department of Homeland Security – was directed to issue special federal certifications to the commercial licenses held by truck drivers who haul hazardous chemicals, gasoline tankers and explosives.

The government plans to begin issuing the new licenses Jan. 31. it estimates it will receive more than 2 million applications for the certifications…

On the, uh, bright side:

[M]urderers and convicted racketeers will no longer be permitted to drive hazardous materials on the nation’s interstates.

Nice to know we have some standards.