On page A25 of the print edition of today’s Washington Post (can’t find it online…maybe that’s deliberate - update: here it is), reporter Robin Wright has one of the snottiest, narcissistic pieces I’ve read this year. It’s a 977-word whine about journalists and State Department bureaucrats who don’t like the food served on Air Force 2. A nauseating excerpt via Nexis:

Imagine this: You’re about to set off with the secretary of state for Central Asia, a destination halfway around the world, on two back-to-back seven-hour flights in a packed 757 — and the first meal served is a teeming bowl of pork and beans.

Of all the contentious issues on any trip by the secretary of state, food tops the list. Despite the heroic efforts of dedicated and good-natured military crews to craft miracles from abysmal menus, Air Force Two’s food has become notorious.

Almost everyone has a story, comment or recommendation. “I don’t think you understand the depth of hatred for wing-dings among the staff,” said Jim Wilkinson, one of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice’s inner circle. “We’re not sure what kind of wings they are. Some people hate the meatballs, but most hate the wing-dings. They violate the laws of war, the Geneva Convention and the international convention on torture. They’re sooo bad.”

In what is now known as the Great Wing-Ding Coup, Wilkinson led a revolt this month to forever banish the chicken wings from the State Department plane.

But there are other complaints about Air Force cooking. “The burrito, it almost took me down,” said the secretary’s special assistant, Josie Duckett, who got sick during a stop in Tajikistan.

“The flan put to rest my theory that at least you could count on a decent dessert,” said Anne Gearan of the Associated Press.

“The meat, it’s awful. It’s much too cooked,” said Sylvie Lanteaume of Agence France-Presse.

“I’m not a vegetarian, but I’d like at least one meal without meat,” said Joel Brinkley of the New York Times as he cut laboriously through a brown slab of meat that has become known as maybe-beef.

It’s not as if any of us are demanding gourmets. Some of us would likely flunk home ec.

“I’m British — I’m used to eating inedible food,” said Saul Hudson of Reuters, adding that he was “aghast” at the food during his first trip with the State Department entourage.

The Air Force counters that it’s not easy to keep an entourage fed. “It’s not uncommon to support 10 to 14 days of food in the belly of the aircraft,” said Lt. Col. Matt Anderer, acting commander of the 1st Airlift Squadron at Andrews Air Force Base. “When working our meals, the health of our passengers is primary. . . . At 35,000 feet, we try to provide the best meal we can.”

Air Force Two is considered a plum assignment in the military. “Air Force One is the pinnacle, and the pathway runs through Air Force Two,” Anderer said. Crews are recruited from a range of jobs — from medical staff and flight engineers to loadmasters of jumbo C5 cargo planes — and taught by Air Force chefs to cook in the small galley in the back of aircraft, he added.

But for passengers on Air Force Two — a label technically reserved for vice presidential flights but now used generally to describe the fleet that carries Cabinet secretaries as well — the issues are not just menus and food quality.

For all the history and glamour of trips with the secretary of state, they are often meal-deprived, grouse senior State Department officials. Meals have increasingly become budget-conscious — rather than body-smart — in a time of huge federal deficits.

On Rice’s tour of Central Asia in October, we began in Kyrgyzstan, flew to Afghanistan, made a stop in Pakistan to view the earthquake damage, and ended up in Kazakhstan’s new capital in the Siberian steppes — a swath of territory ranging from teeming hot to almost freezing. The plane arrived shortly before midnight — and most still had to work. Long day, limited food.

And almost a mutiny. The meal served en route from Pakistan was a tuna finger sandwich with a small plastic cup of celery and carrots, a meal added only after a protest by a member of Rice’s staff who saw the original plan — for nothing…

Sometimes there’s little sensitivity to allergies, religious restrictions or vegetarians. A trip this March became famous as the “all-pork tour of Asia” — with a Muslim and an observant Jew on board. On one leg, all three meals had pork products, with two variations for breakfast…

Is that a waaah-mbulance I hear pulling up to the Washington Post headquarters? Seriously, did the editors have nothing better to do with page A25 of their hallowed newspaper?

A reader who serves as a Naval Officer overseas e-mailed me his reaction:

I hope the story was meant to be tongue in cheek, but it didn’t read that way. Robin chronicled a lot of bitching from State Department and journalist types. Apparently the miracle of crossing the ocean in mere hours, while sitting comfortably and being served food and drinks hasn’t made much of an impact on them.

I find it difficult to work up much sympathy for these passengers and their dauntless endurance of substandard food. Perhaps they would rather have the MRE’s given to our troops - troops their flights should support. Oh, the horror of a seven hour flight with no vegetarian or pork-free meals! Here’s a tip for them - don’t eat the meat or pork! Maybe they could try a little trick that worked for me on some of the longer flights I had over Afghanistan and Iraq - a bag of M&M’s and a bottle of water. At the very least they would get some quick energy and hydration. Maybe the joy of a few M&M’s would stop their whining for a little bit. I doubt it, though.

The type of people who would bitch about food on an Air Force plane would complain about the shortage of nuts on a free sundae.

Yup.

***
Reader Jack C.:

You missed the story on page D-1 about American Eagle selling coke for $1 a can. I saw the other piece as funny, not thinking about the MSM dissing the armed forces. Now that you showed me the light, though, I think maybe we should recommend that the airforce should start selling the reporters food. That would really get their goat. And as to their religious sensitivities - let them bring their own damn food. That is what I do when I fly.

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