Item number one: Couple fights to name baby ‘Metallica’

Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with Swedish authorities, which rejected their application to name their six-month-old child after the legendary rock band.

“It suits her,” Karolina Tomaro, 27, said Tuesday of the name. “She’s decisive and she knows what she wants.”

Although little Metallica has already been baptized, the Swedish National Tax Board refused to register the name, saying it was associated with both the rock group and the word “metal.”

Tomaro said the official handling the case also called the name “ugly.”

Item number two: Appeal over baby named Jihad

The German interior ministry is appealing against a decision by the Berlin authorities to allow an Islamist to name his son Jihad, the Arabic word used for holy war. Reda Seyam fought for 18 months for permission to give his sixth child the name after the registry in the Berlin district of Charlottenburg initially rejected his application, saying the name was inappropriate because of its association with terrorism, and “may endanger the child”.

Ok, while I’m not a fan of either of those names, I am even more creeped out by these European laws regulating what parents name their babies. If they want to name their kid “Pilot Inspektor” or Kal-El, it’s certainly cruel and ridicule-worthy. But illegal? Earning the lifelong resentment of their ill-named progeny should be punishment enough.