Limericks for John Kerry
A few days ago, The Hill noted John Kerry’s nasty mocking of Sen. David Vitter’s D.C. Madam-related woes. Kerry was speaking at a Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee fund-raiser last week:
Kerry made light of the situation with a limerick when he spoke at the event, which was held, appropriately enough, in Nantucket, Mass.
“There once was a man named Vitter
Who vowed that he wasn’t a quitter
But with stories of women
And all of his sinnin’
He knows his career’s in the — oh, never mind,” Kerry said.The poem was reported by ABC News on Friday and confirmed to The Hill by a Democratic aide who attended the event.
Lucianne’s rhyming readers have responded with their own verses. A sample:
Reply 13 – Posted by: Mo Gumbo, 7/23/2007 9:22:58 PM
A snawb’ly gaunt eater of pickles,
and his wife, an enjoyer of prickles,
sneer at collegues’ missteps
and hoi polloi schleps
as they pinch inherited nickles.Reply 14 – Posted by: Ynaught, 7/23/2007 9:31:35 PM
There once was a Bay Stater pol,
Who thought he had married a doll,
When honeymoon ended,
Mr. Kerry lamented,
His doll was a chain with a ball.So he struck out at Senator Vitter
In a way a that’s as sad as it’s bitter
“cause Teresa’s huge stash
keeps John home counting her cash,
It acts like a big baby-sitter.Reply 15 – Posted by: southernbygrace, 7/23/2007 9:38:09 PM
There once was a phony named Jawn
Who almost sailed in on a con
He thought he was shifty
But got beached by the Swifty
Now lives as the Gigolo MonReply 21 – Posted by: southernbygrace, 7/23/2007 9:57:03 PM
There once was a strange Gigolo
Who married and married for dough
He made up a war story
Puffed it up for his glory
But won’t sign his own one eight ohReply 29 – Posted by: Blackeagle, 7/23/2007 10:23:49 PM
A horse-faced young man served in Nam,
Whose war record turned out to be sham.
When confronted with fact,
He swiftly attacked,
‘’I say, don’t you know who I am?’’
Keep scrolling. Great stuff.
***
More!
Hot Air’s wordsmiths were busy composing a few days ago:
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
His future was bright
The election was tight
Til Swift Boaters did their research
See what others have said
Note from Michelle: This section is for comments from michellemalkin.com's community of registered readers. Please don't assume that I agree with or endorse any particular comment just because I let it stand. A reminder: Anyone who fails to comply with my terms of use may lose his or her posting privilege.
Trackbacks
- There once was a pompous a**… « Volunteer Opinion Journal
- Bill's Bites
- Zev Mo Bloggin’ » Blog Archive » The right and men who live off their second wives inherited wealth
- Zev Mo Bloggin’ » The right and men who live off their second wives’ inherited wealth
Comments
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Categories: John Kerry
NewsBusters.org
» Fox the Only Cable Newser to Air Pelosi's House Speech LiveRight Pundits
» Joe Lieberman: Fort Hood Shooter Is ‘Home-Grown Terrorist’Legal Insurrection
» Bruni de la Motte for Health Care CzarRiehl World View
» Obama: No Military Death Shall Go UnexploitedLegal Insurrection
» In The End: No Public Option, No Abortions, No Pelosi, No ReidThe Other McCain
» Paralysis by analysis
Watch out for the Flim Flam Man!!!!! There’s trouble in river city!!!!!! I voted for it, before I voted against it.
Did you know John F’n Kerry served in Vietnam?
The bunny suit photo will be a classic for years to come. Still makes me laugh every time I see it!
Do you hear a giant sucking sound?
Limerick? Oh why the heck not?
There once was a Senator who told
Lies that were big and were bold.
Til those he despised
Torpedoed those lies
And now he is out in the cold.
There once was a man name Kerry
Whose running mate has been known as a fairy
He was pummelled by Bush
Fell flat on his rice filled tush
And all he has left is Terry
With his wife’s fortune amassed,
A run for President he chanced
When asked ’bout Iraq,
When he took his support back,
Said “I was for it ‘fore I was against”.
You’ll have to forgive me, this is the first limerick I’ve ever written
The man they call Kerry’s infected
His ego transplant was rejected
He thinks he’s so clever
Speaking smugly as ever
One of many reasons he wasn’t elected
eric
http://www.blacktygrrrr.wordpress.com
He served a few months on a boat
Then he left his dear crewmates to gloat
Of the service he’d done
And crimes others called fun
Followed by pleas to us all for our vote
Since then in the Senate he’s served
Accepting perks that are never deserved
Obstructing the military
Which he falls back on so regularly
But keeping his record obscured.
When atrocities were recently discussed
“They never happened” was his rebuff
Neglecting the bodies
Buried by the Khmer Rouge jihadi
That took place after our soldiers had left in a huff
My favorite caption for that picture that accompanies the story:
“No polyps, Ted!”
The monotoned Senator from Mass.
That shot himself right in the a**
Lied about the event
So it was home that he went
With a pat on the back from the brass.
There once was a man who faked army,
whose comrades he spoke of so smarmy
he dodged more than bullets
nearly earning a pulitz
for causing a real false alarmy!
Am I the only one who thought he was dressed up as a condom when I saw that pic?
Bad Candy
I thought it was a very bad Woody Allen impersonation …
There once was a sailor named Jack,
Whose mates he stabbed in the back,
Televised testifyin’
For the press, medals flyin’
Kerry’s honor characterized by its lack
Aye, we, indeed, have some witty writers across this land, don’t we now?
Well done, lads! Well done!
ROFL!
There once was a dumb sh!t from Mass.
Whose face looked just like his @ss
His medals he tossed
The election he lost,
Now he spends all his time passing gas.
There once was a sailor named John,
Who bragged of the deeds he had done,
He forgot to inform us,
Of the lies so enormous,
That led to the medals he won.
He thought he would never be caught,
That all from that time had forgot,
That those who were there,
Would no longer care,
If his stories were truthful or not.
He felt he was being quite nifty,
But along came a boatload of swifties,
Who refused to excuse,
All his lies and abuse,
And told the truth about Mister Shifty.
T’was a clueless Kerry once known as John,
who’s watching as fellow Dems run,
They had more than some cues,
and wouldn’t debate on Fox News,
and that’s how all of them won.
Kennedy wannabe John,
(look at the medals I’ve won!)
Dreamed of getting Monroe
Got Ta-ray-zuh – oh woe
Now he dreams of another Bon-Bon
AlohaGuy
Loved It … LMAO …
There was a young fellow named Kerry,
Whose life was easy and merry,
He went off to war,
Some medals to score,
But came home his country to bury.
John Kerry’ secret MySpace entry:
Hi there fellow bloggers. My name is United States Senator John Forbes Kerry from the great state of Massachusetts. You can call me JFK if you want. I was born on December 11, 1943, although people tell me that I look at least 20 years younger. It’s probably my great hair and rugged good looks.
I graduated from Yale in June 1966 in the top 1% of my class. To earn extra money during the summers, I loaded trucks in a grocery warehouse and sold encyclopedias door to door. That is probably one of the reasons that I am so humble. Over my four years at Yale, I maintained a 96 grade average and received a 101 average in my senior year.
I am one of the most senior members of that grand and much loved and respected institution known as the U.S. Senate. Probably the only living Senator even a little bit greater than me is my dear friend Ted Moore Kennedy. I also have a very high IQ. Very high. Much higher than that creep who stole the election from me. I know that he stole it because exit polls are never wrong.
I am also a great war hero. I set all kinds of records for heroism when I was in Vietnam. I was greviously wounded at least three times yet continued to insist on staying in the fight when lesser men would have given up. I won the bronze star with extra V’s for extra valor and the Silver Star for defeating a whole battalion of NVA with my bare hands.
I sometimes like to chill out after a long day of serving the American people by having a double martini with my good friend Ted. We usually have a servant bring 21 double martinis. I get one and Ted gets one for each of his fingers and each of his toes. Contrary to what some of my very few enemies say I never marry women for just their money. They must also have a pulse. BTW, did I mention that I was in Vietnam? I was also in Cambodia, so don’t forget that!
I would like to think that I am open minded, honest, polite, and trustworthy. And I appreciate the same qualities in others.
Who I’d like to meet:
…other progressive bloggers. Other great war heroes who hate that damn S-T-U-P-I-D Texan in the White House. Cool people who live close to Washington D.C. so that we can get together, talk about you for about 30 second and then spend about 3 hours talking about me. BTW, did I mention that I was in Vietnam and Cambodia?
Yashmak said:
With his wife’s fortune amassed,
A run for President he chanced
When asked ’bout Iraq,
When he took his support back,
Said “I was for it ‘fore I was
againstaghast”.You’ll have to forgive me, this is the first limerick I’ve ever written
How’s that? Now it rhymes better
Recently, a Mass Senator spoke in Nantucket…
Though John Kerry believes he’s a mench
He’s really much more like the French
He’s become quite effete
With his lies and deceit
And he’s picked up an odorous stench
feralcat, Really?!
MagicalPat, well done.
Thank you. I can’t take all the credit, John Kerry is an easy target.
Don’t know how the rest of you feel but between Kerry Limericks today and Nancy’s Memoirs last Friday … I think there is more creativity and brainpower here on MM commentary pages than in all of Wash. DC
I see that Foxnews has a related story online -
Headline:
“Report: Man with Almost No Brain Has Led Normal Life”
( Ok, it’s not about J.F’n.K. – but it is a real story )
DesertLover:
There’s more creativity and brainpower at my Grandson’s daycare class than in all of Wash. DC…. so that’s not saying much.
But I do agree – these little forays that Michelle allows us like this and Pelosi’s memoirs give you the same feeling you had when the substitute teacher came in and said, “Um…just go ahead and work on whatever you were doing”.
WOO-HOO!
jrlingreenbay
LOL …
There is a man named Kerry
His wife is Oh so scary!
He says he served in Nam
not to mention that he’s a con
He’s this he’s that he’s most contrary.
Ha, I forgot I can comment here now. Crafted with such ever-loving care this afternoon…
There once was a man named John,
whom the voters soundly rejected.
He put up a good fight,
but try as he might,
he still could not get elected.
Though with wisdom greater than most,
and certainly knowing what’s best,
early projections,
and stolen elections,
aided him not in his quest.
But there’s a lesson for all to be learned,
from the sagely words of Jack.
If you don’t go to school,
And you act quite the fool,
You are likely to get stuck in Irak.
So despite his resounding defeat,
and a mouth that sets him apart,
dream of what could have been,
had our man been the one to win,
A president with three purple hearts!
Meet John Kerry who’s from the Bay State
He holds views that you’d say fluctuate
He’s rejected the war
He’d supported before
Double talking for him is innate
Old John Kerry started on Vitter
His sins to reveal him a quitter
But Senator John forgot
He ran out on Pol Pot
And now his career’s…oh never mind.
There once was an excessive liberal named John
He once served in a war by Saigon
He then joined hateful, demented Hippies in Washington
A traitor he became to those to whom he should have bond
John was devious before Congress and Democrats have loved him from then on
Driving America left over a cliff has been his goal for profit and fun
He ran for Pres but his past caught up with him and he came undone
Acts now proven foolish, he mumbles and fumbles, twitches and flips like a grill a fish thereon
John’s positive it’s wrong to love being American
Michael Savage read a few of the above works during the first hour of his radio show tonight. Rock on!!
MrC_5150
interesting … but can you tell us which ones he chose to read?
Never mind … went to the following link and listened to the podcast … what he read were the ones in MM’s initial posting … none from any of the comment posters …
Just thought I would answer my own question …
http://www.talkradionetwork.com/
Just click on the Michael Savage image to get to the podcast files …
MagicalPat, you so effectively captured what my fumbling attempt at a limerick failed to. I bow to your poetical prowess.
feralcat, thanks for the assist
Yahmak, thanks for the compliment. Here’s another for the fun of it:
If you think you possess savoir-faire
’cause you married a near billionaire
Well John Kerry’s wed two
Left the first for that shrew
There’s more class in a horse derriere
Though he claimed he’d no forethought of malice
John K’s limerick was really quite callous
His lame jokes ’bout Dave Vitter
Evoked nary a titter
There’s no doubt that he’s this country’s phallus