Update: Outrage builds over Dutch couple who dumped adopted Korean daughter
Jade, 7: Victim of our disposable culture Photo: de Telegraaf
I noted the story a few days ago about the Dutch diplomat and his wife who kicked Jade, their adopted 7-year-old Korean daughter, out of their home after claiming she didn’t “fit in” with their lifestyle. Via reader Rand M. and the ROKDrop blog, there is a follow-up at the Times of London with more heart-rending, blood pressure-raising details about the little girl’s neglect and abandonment by the two selfish beasts:
A diplomat accused of “dumping” his adopted daughter flew home yesterday after triggering a row about the ethics of Europeans adopting Asian children.
Jade, a seven-year-old of South Korean origin, is the focus of an escalating dispute across two continents. At the age of four months she was adopted by a Dutch consular officer based in Hong Kong, Raymond Poeteray, and his wife Meta. But the couple have now surrendered Jade to the Hong Kong social welfare department for readoption, reportedly because the child could not adapt to Dutch culture.
The revelation has sparked protests amid claims that the couple were treating the child as if she were an unwanted present. She had been discarded like “a piece of household rubbish”, said the Dutch daily De Telegraaf.
The couple blamed the girl for her inability to “bond.” But the little girl’s caretakers–babysitters hired by the couple–tell the real truth:
Dutch newspapers tracked down a former babysitter yesterday who took care of Jade when she was a baby in Indonesia. She too was bemused by the fate of the little girl whom she remembers as a quiet but normal child. “I took care of her in the evenings, while an Indonesian woman was with her in the daytime,” she told De Telegraaf. “But Meta did not treat as her real daughter.”
The Hong Kong authorities are searching for new adoptive parents. Jade speaks Cantonese and English and, despite the claims that she could not communicate with her parents, some Dutch.
Another nanny spoke up:
A nanny who cared for an adopted Korean girl given up by a senior Dutch diplomat and his family claims the girl was not treated like a normal daughter, a news report said Friday.
She was rarely in her mother’s arms and always in the care of someone else, according to a former Indonesian maid quoted in South China Morning Post Friday.
The woman, who has requested not to be named, worked for the Dutch vice-consul Raymond Poeteray and his wife Meta in Hong Kong and when the family was based in Jakarta in 2002.
She said she thought it strange that the girl, now eight, was so quiet.
‘They did not treat her the same way as the son. There was not the love there,’ the maid told The Post.
Dutch citizens are outraged and embarrassed–and the Dutch and Korean blogospheres have lit up over the incident:
Online chatrooms have hosted hundreds of comments about the case, most of which condemned the actions of a public servant paid to represent his country. “Of course a child that has been given away for adoption is going to have a fear of emotional bonding!” said Anna, from Lelystad, on the De Telegraaf website.
Another said: “What would they have done if their own children had been sick? Would they have given them away? This man is sick himself – can’t he be given away?”
The Dutch Foreign Ministry, embarrassed by the international fuss, has recalled the diplomat for consultations but is standing by him. Many Dutch bloggers, however, argue that he has committed an offence against natural justice and that he should resign from the diplomatic service.
One blogger found a reference to a party that the Poeterays held in January 2005 in which one grateful guest thanked the diplomat, “his lovely wife Meta and young son Jamie”. There was no mention of Jade, suggesting that she was not fully accepted as a member of the family.
The hostility is in part because the case has stoked up lingering suspicions about the commitment of Europeans to adopted Asian children. Two years ago an Irish couple caused outrage in Asia when they returned a child to an Indonesian orphanage, saying that she did not fit in.
Brit Sung Kyung Kim prints a statement from a global Korean adoption group that includes a line worth repeating:
“A child is not a returnable product: Adoption is a lifelong commitment.”
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Disgraceful
I hope this couple will go straight to hell when their time on this earth is done
the girl, hopefully will be way better off witout them. Their story stinks to high heaven.
What a beautiful child. “Diplomat” - I think they meant “Dip$%^t”.
Ugh.
Afraid of commitment? Doubt it - more like it was the fashionable thing to do at the time, but after it goes out of fashion, throw it out. Trouble is, here they were dealing with a human being, not a fashion accessory.
When all else fails, blame the child.
It’s her fault we gave her away. She just didn’t fit in.
May God forgive them because I do not.
This is tragic. A child is to be loved and brought up to understand the beauty of life. My heart crys for this little girl. I just hope that this scar doesn’t live within her forever.
This little one is in need of so much love right now.
I am mother to a child that is not my own, but I love her and care for her as if she WERE my own.
Those horrible people do not deserve that child!
Nowadays, children are seen as something rather than someone. It’s not just these diplomats, but people who have kids just to “look fashionable” and then dump them with nannies or those who leave their newborns to die or those who have multiple abortions.
There is no respect for the dignity and sanctity of life, and the treatment of this poor little girl is a sign of that lacking respect.
And then people - good, loving people - will be denied international adoptions because some treat their children like Christmas gifts…good one day, returnable the next.
As I said when this story first broke, I wish I had the money to adopt this girl and show her that grown ups can be unconditionally loving.
Nicki, just because you didn’t give birth to her, doesn’t mean she’s NOT your own. You’ve made her your own.
Definition of Eurotrash.
See Raymond Poeteray, and his wife Meta.
This is the Euro-socialist elite acting like far too many Democrats in America would like to act.
Let’s not forget that the Dutch, if I am correct, have pro-abortion and pro-euthanasia laws, open air drug and prostitution markets, complete acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle, - and an entire government built on not judging anyone’s conduct. It should be no surprise under these circumstances that a little one who doesn’t exactly fit the image of the elite would be discarded. (I suspect this Korean child was adopted merely to advance these peoples careers. When the child ceased to be useful in this regard, they dumped here just like they dump the garbage - assuming that they actually touch their own garbage.
This is what you get when you put secular socialism and moral relativity in charge of a nation. Right before our eyes is the horrors of the “anything goes” liberal mentality.
Let me see if I have this straight.
A 4 month old Korean child is adopted by a Dutch couple.
The child is now 7.
In 6 and a half years under the Dutch couples care the child did not assimilate (OH! There’s that word!) or learn conversational Dutch?
And it’s the child’s fault?
Give me a @&^%ing break.
At 4 months old that child has ZERO ties to her Korean culture.
These “parents” never even tried to love this girl or make her their own.
I can say (without even asking permission of my wife) give her to us. She will be loved unconditionally. Forever. Hell, throw away the receipt because we won’t be returning her.
SOOO TRUE! I am adopted and my parents ARE my mom and dad. Nothing will change that. Not even meeting my birth parents. I am more like my mom and dad then anyone else in this world, blood or no blood.
I have two open adopted domestically children. This apalls me, period. How can we sign up to adopt this beautiful girl?
On December 14th, 2007 at 1:56 pm, Nicki said:
I am mother to a child that is not my own, but I love her and care for her as if she WERE my own.
Those horrible people do not deserve
thata child!Is gooder? These “
people” animals should not be allowed to have/raise any child. Can they be sent back to where they “came” from?Adoption is a huge adjustment. Unfortunately, there are many failures in foreign adoptions. I should know as it is what we do. The organization we work with (and are becoming) has a high success rate. The first thing that is NOT allowed to happen is an adoption because of emotion. We also raise the babies to know they will have parents from another country (if they stay long enough to become toddlers). Also, the adopting parents have to bond with the children so the parents are required to make many trips and spend all of their time together.
I am betting none of this happened. We have seen it done wrong too many times and this is what you see happening to many children like this baby. It is sad to say the least. If you had any idea of the failures from foreign adoptions, this story would not shock you. There are many American failures as well. We have a friend who found a boy nursing with goats. She rescued him and her friend just had to have him. She did not keep him long. She adopted him because of emotion and when the reality set in that he had some real issues, she quit on him and a new home had to be found for him.
I have stories so; do not think this is a “Euro” thing.
This is the Liberal ‘Nature is wonderful as long as it doesn’t nest in my roof’/'knock that nest of baby sparrows out of my window sill & into the driveway so the air-conditioner can be put in’-but-‘i love the Earth & Hate Bush’-thing. *phew*
I knew this University Professor & his rich wife who adopted a Vietnam orphan at the end of that war (’69). This little girl was 5 or 6 & would duck in terror @ any loud sound, screaming! They ‘returned’ her after 8 months because she wasn’t adjusting fast enough & re-applied for another ‘Orphan’.
RIGHT!!! O BUT, do these people surely want to let you know how ‘un-inlightened’ you are….until ‘Mother Nature’ b*tchsl*ps them into reality.
” Mother nature was NOT wearing Her hijab this morning as she showed the airport runways who was in control….&, She was not amused.”
Disgusting. Seems the ‘parents’ can’t get their story straight either, as per the BBC today:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7144553.stm
and that makes it ok huh? These ‘people’ have reached new lows. I just hope the little girl is not being exposed to any of this international debate.
Poor sweet baby. I hope she gets a good home with parents that are not emotionally stunted and can love her.
that is exactly what i was thinking, #11, my thoughts. this couple is the epitome of Euro-socialistic mentality that so many demoncraps want to have here. because, after all, they are so superior to us arrogant, stupid and disgusting americans (that is the attitude of much of this Euro-crap-ists.
the little girl is beautiful. she needs love and attention; and i am praying that she has a new mom and dad that will love her unconditionally.
This child is so beautiful, how can ANYone with ANY decensy even think of such a thing? I am so sorry for what we have allowed to become oue “Elite”.
Sorry, “our elite”
Disgusting beyond belief.
While I occasionally struggle with my two teenagers (who doesn’t), my wife and I are thrilled to be the parents of young people. What an appalling display of inhuman, and inhumane, behavior.
Is there any way of making contact with an adoption agency?
I’m in the same crowd as bipartisancomplainer, except I’ve never had the desire to meet my birth parents. My folks are my folks. It’s that way because I always was one of their own. ‘Nuff said.
As an aside, I was born three years before Roe. I am forced to wonder if I would have been born three years after.
Something horrible has happened in the Dutch culture.
It has been the Netherlands which has led the world on euthanasia…initially it had to be with the person’s consent but now, I have read, they can dispense with that. So people are disposable.
It was the Netherlands which encouraged Hirsi Ali to run for Parliament and to be outspoken on the rights of Islamic women. They would provide security. Yet when the Muslim fanatics proved to be (quelle surprise) fanatic, she ended up forced out of her apartment and now her security has been lifted. So committments…moral and legal…are disposable.
Adoption joins the two concepts…a legal/moral obligation to care for the weakest among us. This couple has breached their obligation to the child and disposed of a person. The Daily Mail article earlier in the week noted that it was THEY who were getting therapy.
I just do not believe that all these things are disconnected. There is a decline visible since the end of WWII in what used to be a strong people. A people that we once honoured for their protection of Jews from the Nazis, and their heroic resistance during their occupation now seems able to accommodate anything.
How incredibly sad. I am 33 and single, and I would give my right arm to have a child… whether my own or adopted. Actually, once you adopt a child, that child is your child IMO.
Huh, maybe one of these days… In the mean time, I’ll just spoil my nephews!
Jim C
Just to clarify, I’m in the same boat. I have no desire to find them either. I have a mom and dad and that’s enough. Just saying that even if my birth parents did come into my life, I already have my mom and dad and nothing will change that.
Maybe I missed it, but I did not see the age of the child when she was adopted, and did not see what the child’s earlier experiences had been if she was adopted at age 7. The person who pointed out that the screening procedures may have been improperly done was probably correct plus a host of other factors that this short article did not cover. The fact is that some adoptions fail, even the best planned and most properly prepared ones. It is sad on the one hand that this child has to be uprooted once again, but in the long run probably better for all concerned–both the relinquishing parents and the child. The child will find a more fitting, comfortable and loving niche and the relinquishing couple will not grow to resent a child that apparently was not a good fit for them.
It seems they wanted her until they were able to have children of their own. Apparently, there is not enough love in this family to go around, so they had to get rid of somebody. True European liberals would have based their decision on standards of diversity and racial quotas rather than nepotism, which means they would have dumped one of their own children.
Okay, I am not defending this couple.
Short and to the point. I have over 100 stories of Americans doing the same thing.
Go to third world country and feel sad. Got to fix it so “take” a child out of emotion.
Emotion wears off and they are left with a “mistake” because they are lazy and the third world visions have faded.
If you want to get mad about it - get mad and do something (we are – check my link by clicking on my moniker). Getting mad at the “Dutch culture” is being a bit judgmental when this kind of thing is prevalent right in your own back yard.
Sorry - gotta vent over a subject I know a lot about.
The photo caption “Jade, 7: Victim of our disposable culture” is really not fair. Given the international reaction to this event, it would seem that abandoning your child is not part of our generally accepted culture.
The child was adopted as an infant, not at age 7. They got rid of her at age 7. Now someone else will have to compensate for the resentment and lack of love this child has endured her whole life.
I am so appauled.
I am hoping her new family takes really good care of this little one. She deserves to live out the rest of her life in bliss, since she has experienced such horrible treatment her first 8 years of life.
Shameful people.
Soap, I understand your concern for not wanting Dutch culture to be stigmatized by this. I agree, it is not the fault of the Dutch and, according to the column, the Dutch themselves are outraged by this behavor.
But your comments also imply that this situation is being overblown, that its not as bad as it sounds because it happens all the time. I’m sorry, but I don’t care how many other people are abusing children in my backyard or elsewhere, I’m still not going to accept it or excuse it.
This is a perfect example of the attitude overtaking Western Europe and turning it into “a museum and tourist trap” as Camille Paglia so accurately described it recently.
Papa,
No, it is as bad as it sounds. I am implying that before we get all worked up about this couple, we could be looking in our own back yards.
This is too commonplace to hammer one couple. My wife and I would adopt them all if we could. Instead, we make sure the babies we have are adopted properly so this will not happen on our watch.
More from our betters the europeans.
This couple had no intention of raising Jade. They had a day and a night nanny!!!! And they wonder why the child is confused. Korean, adopted by Dutch family, raised by Indonesian nannies, in China. Then they have the nerve to blame the child! My head hurts just looking at the map!!!
Pathetic losers. Agree with defector01, straight to hell with them!!!!
This is just so sad. Sadder still is how cold and cruel the elite can be and rarely does anyone hold them accountable. So much is wrong here that a few words in this blog could not possibly do justice to this disgrace of humanity. These people should not even be allowed to own a dog. Oh well.
I too would adopt and love this child unconditionally. Regardless of any circumstance, I could never contemplate the injustices noted here. Children need love, security and quality time. Anything less is just evil.
The Dutch are embarrassed? This from the country where the abortion rate soars, a lack of actual marriages, not to mention drug “cafes” on every corner abound? Embarrassed? Laughable!
God hasn’t been welcome there for decades. Sorry situation for any “tolerant” country.
Scum-sucking politicos more concerned with their personal lifestyles than personal commitment and integrity. There is no honor in public service when scum bags like these people are involved. They should be pilloried, spat upon and then shunned. Nothing like a little Dickensian punishment!
A long_time friend and her husband were in the final stages of adopting a baby girl from China when a domestic agency told them they were approved. They ended up adopting both girls and have raised them as if they were twin sisters. One is asian (black hair, eyes, and complexion) and one caucasion (blonde, hazel eyes, pale complexion).
They’re around four now and all they know is mom, dad, and sister, without the “adoptive/ed” adjective.
I wouldn’t adopt a dog and think that I would “return” it. I don’t know how these people could do that to a child.
Can I just troll a little commercial for foster parenting here? Many of you have expressed a willingness to adopt this child. In your own city and state are children who need solid, kind, decent people to take them in.
Any adult with a clean background is a potential foster parent: married, single, divorced, working, stay at home, retired.
You don’t have to have separate bedrooms for these kids, just enough room for all kids (including yours) that may share a room.
You can elect to foster only boys or girls or only certain ages. If you aren’t able to handle certain special circumstances or needs kids, you don’t have to foster those.
There is remuneration (which is why so many foster kids have a bad experience, many people are *only* in it for the money) and the kids come with their own health insurance and other types of spending allowances (clothes, books, etc).
You have no commitment to keep any foster child for one day longer than you can handle (or want) them.
Also, you can do ‘regular’ foster care or just emergency care (the parents are arrested and the kids need a place to stay until grandma can fly in from Tulsa, etc) or respite care, where you foster for other foster parents while they ‘take a break’ or have emergencies of their own.
And the kids. Yes, there are horror stories where kids cause serious trouble. But the vast majority of foster care horror stories are where the foster parents are commiting the horrors. The kids often respond amazingly to love, gentle discipline, and *ROUTINE*.
We fostered sisters in separate elementary schools whose teachers told us they noticed changes in the girls in the first week. The kids didn’t trust or even like us that quickly, but they did like the routine and knowing what to expect (like breakfast).
The sad part is that these dear children came from other foster homes that were not providing them with anything like a normal home.
This Korean child will almost certainly be adopted and carefully monitored, the same cannot be said for kids in foster care near you.
Please consider it.
I’m saying it again. Ugh.
Adopted at 6 months she would not have had any issues, nor cultural ties.
Let’s say it - is she too “yellow” for this white couple?
Seems our celebrities adopt every time they don’t win an Oscar or sell a kazillion CD’s as well. Those of us that question their motives are looked upon as morons and unenlightened. Trophy children, used to show how grand, benevolent and multicultural they are, rank right up there with Ellen’s dog give-away program.
What’s really sad is that you could take the entire story, make the setting California or Massachusetts, and no one would be surprised.
Does anyone honestly believe that elitist liberal Americans are any less concerned about their lifestyle and the ‘in’ thing than the Euro-trash? or any MORE concerned about the welfare of orphaned babies? They like to spout platitudes about ‘feeding the world’ but when push comes to shove, they can’t handle the responsibility any more than the Poeteray’s.
Most liberals want to BE Euro-trash for Goodness sake.
Besides, how you could trust a precious child to anyone that thinks abortion is ok is beyond me. Support of abortion proves that you view innocent life as ‘disposable.’
There was never unconditional love to start with in this “relationship.”
‘Better that a millstone was hung around a persons neck and they are cast into the sea than to offend one of these little ones.’
Jesus
Anyone this shallow and selfish shouldn’t be allowed to have kids anyway. So she’s probably better off in the long run.
Don’t exactly consider that “trolling,” darn - more like telling it like it is. With you and soap pointing out some of the fallacies and problems with this story.
Nevertheless, this story has legs, not because of the little girl, but because of the status of the parents - THAT’S where the problem is.
I think most of us here agree that we hope and pray this particular little girl has a happy ending to her story. But, as you so rightly point out, there are others in our own neighborhoods that need some of that love and attention.
Not making excuses here, but because of home circumstances, I’m not in any position to either adopt or foster. I do recognize the problem, and applaud you for bringing it up. Thanks.
Now that’s not fair. I’m no fan (or anti-fan) of Ellen, but she gave the dog to one of her employees (not a “underling”) who had kids.
Ironically she was supposed to return the dog to the rescue league if it didn’t work out. IIRC the new dog didn’t mesh with her other dog(s). Dogs, unlike people (some liberals excepted), can’t be reasoned with, and not everyone can be Cesar Milan.
cpodug
Foster parenting is not for everyone. Some can’t do it for various reasons. Some flinch at the thought. If you think you would hate it it, you are probably right.
People should work for good in a way that they *like* well enough to keep doing.
It’s just that some people may not realize they can be or even want to be foster parents until they think about it. Some people may have misconceptions about what it takes.
Yes, these people are beastly, not least because they never bothered to teach their child their mother tongue, as if they never intended to bring her home with them.
KaosKlerik - exactly my point on Ellen. Perhaps I was too subtle. This sweet baby girl didn’t mesh with the adoptive family either, so she was returned to her “rescue league” for failure to integrate. Unless the adopting couple were lied to by the agency handling the adoption, this is obscene.
Actually, I get a kick out of Ellen. Her failure to read/understand a contractual agreement simply baffled me. Haven’t watched her since.
This is so sad - for the little girl and her siblings who now have to wonder… Am I next? Will I be dumped like Jade?
Seems to me she was little more then a ‘trophy child’ for the sick ANTI-parents to trot out when needed to show off how ‘good’ they (the ANTIparents) are - how generous - how elite - how utterly chic! Other then that she is shoved with a day or night nanny - out of sight/out of mind. The fact that the child didn’t learn much Dutch shows how little attention she received from her [anti]parents.
She didn’t ‘fit in’ with their lifestyle? In other words ME! ME! ME!
A little (excuse my language…) ‘too yellow’ is probably right. A little bit of ‘We want to be the perfect family and she just doesn’t fit in. And besides nannys are expensive!”
She looks like a darling child and doesn’t deserve having those creatures as parents anyway. I’m sure (especially now with the exposure she’s getting) loving real parents are lining up to adopt her.
I hope we don’t see a lot more of these butI’m afraid we will - after all adopting a poor orphan has been the ‘in’ thing recently.
Disgraceful doesn’t begin to express how evil this act was.
I should ask my aunt how she feels about this…after all, she adopted my first cousin ~60 years ago.
And guess what: she and her husband kept her!
I should add that my cousin’s son - our godson - was also adopted, 30 years ago.
And guess what: my cousin and her husband kept him, too!
Just now read the Times article. Seems that multiple agencies were chiming in and saying much the same as the rest of us. Sadly, at Jade’s age and the high percentage of babies up for adoption from S. Korea it would seem the poor little thing doesn’t stand a chance of being placed in another home. If I were the So. Koreans I’d sue this couple for child support just like any other deadbeat parent. What relieves them of financial support after 7 years?
I know of several families where I live that have adopted from Korea. They are not wealthy families, but hard working with an abundance of love. They have raised these children to be fine students and good citizens. Even sacrificing to save for trips to take the children back for visits so they can gain some knowledge of their customs, food, and traditions.
I’d like to slap these people upside their heads.With a baseball bat.
My wife’s brother & his wife adopted a Chinese girl,she was 4 months old too,went to China to get her.She’s now 11,cute & smart & charming as she can be,the only vestige of her former life is that she likes to eat everything,the Chinese orphans aren’t fed well.I was a pickier eater when I was her age.
I agree that this was a “trophy” child,when it became inconvienient for them they dumped her.
Screw them.
Darn,
I would love to do something like that. Unfortunately, because of my own health issues I’m not able to. What I am doing (and what many of us can do) though is getting involved in a big grother program. Maybe I can’t be a father to kids that need a home and stability, but I can be a friend, and an influance…
Jim C
24, I’ll bet there’s a special couple out there who would dearly love a 7 year old who may even have issues and knows how to love them. If they can find each other…and the publicity will help.
I did not have time to read all the comments but I will say this: I’m not really surprised. I know mostly loving parents who adore their children and give them the attention they need BUT I know some people who really do consider their kids (their biological ones) to be a burden and annoying. They whine that their kids have disrupted their fun loving carefree life. They whine about having to be with their kids on snow days (we are talking people with kids under the age of 6).
I even heard one mom at the Mother’s day out we go to say that she was losing her “free” day because she had to take her oldest to the doctor. And she said this in front of her 6 year old! I was so sad for this little girl. What a horrible thing to say.
But we live in a selfish world and some people really do find their kids to be a nuisance. Too bad they cannot see their children for what they really are - a blessing!
#59 On December 14th, 2007 at 5:47 pm, jenmom said:
“Too bad they cannot see their children for what they really are - a blessing!”
Exactly.
Kids are also your link to immortality.
But, again, difference of world views…disbelief in the existence of the soul, disbelief that there is something beyond our existence here on here, etc….
“…here on EARTH, etc….”
Sorry, folks.
Time to go home!
In response to others, I adopted a 2 year old several years ago. She was 6 months old when we took possession of her, it took 1 and 1/2 years to get all the paperwork done. I will not even mention the exspence and time involved. Needless to say, it is almost impossible for some to adopt in this country. The primary reason many go foreign. I came close to being denied my daughter because I was active duty military and could/would be transferred out of state.
The adoption laws in the country are broken. The primary reason is money. States collect more based on the number of chilren they keep in the system. Another reason why so many are in foster homes and often listed as unadoptable.
While foster children are great, depending on the state, they never really are yours to keep. The state can take them away for any number of reasons, few of them good reasons. This works good for some, but for me, not so well. I have a tendency to get attached. I take my hat off to those that can and do.
My daughter is now 23 and finishing her master’s degree in English. Her goal is to become a college professor. Where, oh where did I go wrong.. LOL. Kids, gotta love em
I could have a little more understanding for this couple if they had attempted to rescue an older child with severe problems and then discovered a few months later that the problems were more than they could handle. If the child was a danger to other children and they did not have the resources to get the help they needed, I might understand their decision to reluctantly give up the child.
But this is not the case here. This couple adopted the girl when she was 4 months old and kept her for 7 years. They had nannies and could afford other resources if the girl needed them. They left her in the care of foreign nannies all day long, and then were disappointed when she didn’t become conversant in their culture. It’s clear they didn’t think of her as family but as a throw-away possession to give up when she became a little too inconvenient for them.
Do any of you who work with adoptions really see this happen very often? I mean, is it common for a family of means to give up a child they adopted as a baby and raised for 7 years? I’d have to see some statics on this because I just can’t believe there are that many heartless couples out there who would do this kind of thing.
#62 On December 14th, 2007 at 6:12 pm, SirKnob said:
“My daughter is now 23 and finishing her master’s degree in English. Her goal is to become a college professor. Where, oh where did I go wrong.. LOL. Kids, gotta love em”
Absolutely!
God bless ya!
Perhaps I’m searching for ghosts in the closet, but the Times article also mentioned they’d not applied for a passport for little Jade. I’m thinking this couple used this child while they were assigned to the embassy in the Orient for political reasons. How nice to show your hosts how open minded, multi-cultural, and your love of Asia than to adopt one of their own? They had no intention of bringing the child home with them.
AlohaGuy@5:47PM - I’m troubled by the fact they dumped her off in Hong Kong, which isn’t a good sign. Though she speaks Cantonese and English (which, to me, proves she’s not mentally challenged) I’m wondering how many Chinese would seek out an older child, much less one of Korean ethnicity? We can pray this little one finds a loving home, with parents that will cherish her and give her the stable foundation all children deserve.
Soap,
I’m curious — in your stories of failed adoptions, do you have any where the child was with the family as long as this? That was what struck me. I’ve heard of failed adoptions, but in the cases familiar to me, they were all much sooner after the adoption. That, and this child was so young when adopted, there shouldn’t have been emotional issues such as one would find from a child who had been in/out of foster care or in an orphanage for a few years.
I find it interesting that there are some claims by the couple that the child failed to “bond.” How can people who are supposed to be so smart be so dumb? Even if she does have some kind of medical or mental disorder going on, guess what — there are no guarantees with children. You can avoid alcohol, caffeine, and do everything “right” during your pregnancy, and still give birth to a child with birth defects. Or your perfect baby (adopted or biological) could later turn out to have autism or bipolar or any other of a multitude of disorders that do not show up at birth. If you will not be able to love and accept a child with such issues, do not have children. Any children. Do not adopt. Do not get pregnant.
We are currently in the process of adopting a boy from Guatemala. Met him for the first time about 1 1/2 months ago (what a cutie!), but it will still be (too many) months before he comes to the US. I chuckled early in the process when we filled out the questionaire with the requested sex, medical issues you do not want, etc. — no one offered me any of those options when I had my biological children. I wouldn’t have chosen a child with Down Syndrome if I’d been allowed to pick my designer baby, but that’s what the Lord gave me, and in the end, it turned out to be a blessing.
SirKnob
Yes, that is the awful truth about being a foster parent that I didn’t mention: when they leave it can rip your guts and heart out. Also, you have no legal right to contact them again, until they turn 18. If they are old enough to remember your name/phone number, they can contact you.
This should be part of the decision process. Helping these kids and being there for them will be costly for you.
But worse still for me is to think that if we were not foster parents, ‘our’ kids might have gone to families that *didn’t* love them enough to miss them when they leave. Foster parents have to say “I will bear emotional pain in separation, so these kids can live in a decent home for a while”. I like to think that having even a relatively brief period in their life in normal, loving, and safe home gives them enough of a contrast so that they can say ‘Hey, you treat me like that, normal people don’t do that’.
Fortunately, most of our kids have good outcomes and we know they are in stable homes. That comforts us enourmously.
The others we pray for and keep our eyes open for in our small city.
That said, it used to be that kids were routinely cycled between homes to prevent attachment and kids were left in foster care perpetually, no matter how recalcitrant the parent. Attachement is now recognized as necessary for proper development and birth parents have a limited time to get off drugs (or whatever) before states initiate parental rights severance proceedings. This results in longer stays in homes where things are working and more opportunities for foster parents to adopt kids they love.
correction
‘Hey you can’t treat me like that …’ Meaning, later in life.
Even children separated from mother at a few months can have bonding issues, some kids just *know*.
That said, these issues will not get better if paid staff work in shifts to keep the child and her issues out of “mommy and daddy’s” hair.
Night and day nannies, rudimentry Dutch, no passport, the fact that they could even THINK of giving her back after 7 years; Is there anyone who believes that these people intended to keep this child?
I have a born-again cousin who, along with his wife, adopted little girl from China. Approximately a year after they had brought her home they noted some developmental problems…and gave her back. Needless to say, we thought “how NOT Christian of them.” Born again, perhaps, in one sense, but definitely lacking in the real important elements of human compassion and caring.
Well, at least it looks like the child will have no trouble finding a home, and maybe some other needy children will be able to benefit from this as well. It amazes me how God (Yeah, I said it! So what?) uses tragedy to bring about the good. Still, I would not want to be in these people’s shoes on the Great Come and Get it Day!
Korean orphanages are the finest in the world. The kids are treated well, mostly by retirees and Christian volunteers, clothed well, and educated. The kids are often fed better than poor Koreans in family. The babies are over-whelming female, which makes them highly desirable for American families looking for both genders. Korea has substantially limited the number of babies that Americans can adopt in recent years. I hope it is because they finally realized that these are precious regardless of sex. Go to any difficult college in America. There will be a oriental girl with a European surname.Adoring parents, and many times a brother that looks like he was cast for Happy Days.
Does anyone remember Rob Long’s parody of celebrities adopting designer children from asia and africa–Madonna and Angelina Jolie..these people are sick.
Also…isn’t rather INTOLERANT of these rich progressive mucky mucks to adopt foreign children only to dump them in the trash because they couldn’t sufficiently WESTERNIZE them to their liking? Global indeed.
Elite mucks suck.
“Another said: “What would they have done if their own children had been sick? Would they have given them away?”"
In Holland, they could just give their sick child to a doctor, and have him put to sleep like a stray dog.
On December 14th, 2007 at 11:52 pm, Tipper
It is more than intolerant, it is creepy. Very, very creepy. Something one would expect from the Chinese or Koreans, who would die before they had a Caucasian or Black baby in their household, but who expect everyone else in the Universe to ADORE their rejects.
Ok, here’s the deal. I do not agree with either of these ladies politics. Madonna rakes on my nerves like no other (image: feebz forced to listen to her album over and over on the way to Mendocino–trapped like a rat in her friends car). But the fact is, they are giving a child a better life. Period.
That said, I DO see more and more they do it more for their own selfish reasons, then for the “good of the children”. But, in the end, who can argue the fact that these children are being well fed and given a loving home against their alternative…living out their adolescent existence in an orphanage?
What is frustrating to me, is that these celebrities make enough money (obscene amounts of money) to give and provide enough to these countries to adopt whole families; ensuring they stay together, with their birth parents, which is the best possible scenario.
Although I am not fond of these celebrities and/or their motives, I am happy these children have found loving homes.
Holy moly, I hope I read that wrong. I’ll be completely honest with you. Your posts seriously frustrate me. These people ;(this specific Dutch couple_) are a morally and ethically a bankrupt bunch. But there is no need to throw the baby out with the bath water.
AND, there is certainly no need to make broad sweeping statements about the Chinese or Koreans.
I don’t appreciate you implying that any particular culture has an inability to want what is best for their children.
We come in all different sizes, colors and religions. WE are all capable of indignity and all are capable of selflessness, compassion and warmth. Regardless of Creed.
I don’t mean to be pissy here, but honestly, please stop with your broad sweeping statements. Perhaps you mean well….but you are WAY off on your post #76!
Mia culpa. One correction to my post above.
Is there anyway to find out if this little girl will be ok, and if they will be able to find another home for her.
My wife and I are going through the process of trying to adopt right now, and the thought that someone could be so heartless is sickening.
You go, Feebs! We got your back.
Like you, I’m still trying to figure out just what puhiawa said, but it doesn’t sound very good. The Fact is, it sounds more like an insult to most everyone on this thread. Especially the part about “their rejects.” There are many reasons why a child is put up for adoption, many of which most of us can’t readily imagine. One that we can all appreciate is to provide a better life than the birth parents(or mother) can offer.
I know I would have never given up my two sons for adoption. I did, and still do, love them immensely, probably more than they will ever know.
But to call them “rejects” just galls me no end. Puhiawa, can you, or anybody else actually look into the parents mind, and see what their true motives are? I doubt it. Or maybe they don’t HAVE any parents, their parents are dead, for whatever reason - perhaps they are casualties of war, sectarian violence, or one of many reasons. Would you consider these to be “rejects”?
And your throwaway line that that is “something one would expect from the Chinese or Koreans” smacks of prejudice. I have no idea why you chose that phrase, and I don’t really think I want to know. I look at all the Chinese and Korean immigrants who have come here (legally) and who unconditionally love their children and push them on to be something the parents could never be. Many of them start by working 16-18 hour days at menial jobs, constantly struggling to make ends meet, just so their children can attend elite schools and colleges, where they generally do much better than Caucasian/Black/Latino students - because their parents love and care for them.
I have a friend, who I have known for years, a lovely Korean lady, who struggled to raise her son here in America, after the child’s father left her. The boy is now attending UCSD, and is doing very well, thank you.
In view of some of your other posts, I have a hard time accepting what you wrote. It has to be one of the most hateful things I’ve ever seen. Maybe you were trying to contrast the Dutch couple, or compare them, or whatever, but your point was completely lost in your last post.
I am merely pointing out that this type of prejudice is unacceptable in Western culture. But it is perfectly acceptable in Oriental culture. But we are not an oriental culture. I am not speaking of immigrants to America. My State is 50% oriental. And mixed race adoptions are by far the most prevalent.
The person who mentioned the problems with foreign adoptions has a good point. Many of them are eager just to get kids out the door, particularly girls, and when European diplomats are the ones who want a kid, they’re more than happy to accommodate them. I bet many strings were pulled and cash passed under the table. I’m sure the Korean orphanage didn’t worry about whether these people were a good fit for the child.
Still, it just seems to me this was entirely for show or a band aid solution to infertility problems. The wife may never have wanted a foreign child who was of a different race and when she was able to have a baby herself, the poor girl was probably further marginalized.
It’s a shame we treat serious things like adoption as a shopping trip and human beings as disposable.
puhiawa - Orientals is not an appropriate title. Either refer to them by their specific country (if you know) or Asians.
The greatest disappoint of my life is that I never had a daughter. And these people threw that opportunity away. I don’t think they even know what love is.