All in the family: Politics and perspective
It gets heated around here. It’s bound to get even more heated. We’re in the middle of a contentious presidential campaign season. There are deep and fundamental fissures in the Republican Party. Some folks don’t deal with conflict well and completely tune out. Others allow politics to consume every fiber of their being. I’ll continue reporting, blogging, and voicing my opinions. It’s my job and I enjoy doing it.
But as we start the week and head toward the high-stakes Super Tuesday contest, remember: There is more to life than politics.
Repeat after me: There is more to life than politics.
Over the past several weeks, I’ve received profanity-laced e-mails from people who vow never to read this website again because of something I’ve written–or failed to write–about their candidates. Goodbye and good luck. I hope you gain some perspective and balance in your affairs. When I’m not working, I’m quilting with my daughter, taking my son to his violin lessons, playing Monopoly Jr. 10 times in a row, giggling over “Make Way for Dumb Bunnies,” enjoying friends and family, loving and living life. I’ve learned over the years to work to live, not to live to work. It took time to learn that lesson. And it required making some tough (and not so tough) personal and professional choices. Best decisions I’ve ever made.
What prompted me to share all this with you? Well, there’s a story today in the NYT about Democratic families squabbling over politics. It’s a reminder of how ridiculous things can get when you let politics define your life:
[F]or every Kennedy or Sanchez, there are countless Democratic voters who find themselves arguing with family members over which checks to send, which lawn signs to display and which onesie to put the baby in: “Hillary Cares About Me” or “My Mama’s for Obama”?
“Things have been getting real ugly around here,” said Shazia Khan, a lawyer in Washington, who supports Mr. Obama while her husband, Samir Kanani, will vote for Mrs. Clinton. On a recent trip to Argentina, they watched a Democratic debate in their hotel room, arguing so loudly that the housekeeping staff came to check on them…
…Other members of divided Democratic families are starting to mimic the behavior of the candidates they support, treating their relatives more like competitors. Susie Tompkins Buell, a fund-raiser for Mrs. Clinton in San Francisco, is politely avoiding her stepson, Justin Buell, who is gathering donations for Mr. Obama, and vice versa. (The two have solicited some of the same donors.) Since the start of the primary season, they have communicated only through the terse congratulations the loser delivers after each primary or caucus.
There may be very good reasons to cut off relations with friends and family. The campaign season is not one of them.
***
Ed Morrissey. Heh:
As Michelle says, politics are a poor reason to alienate loved ones. For Democrats in that difficult position, I’ll offer one potential solution: vote Republican. It will bring peace to the family, or at least it will convince relatives to quit talking politics in your presence.
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Well Michelle, here’s hoping that things get even uglier for them after November. I’m just sad that Thompson bowed out, and I think that whomever gets the GOP nod needs to pick him as a running mate.
Sad. My view in that sort of situation: if you have nothing positive to say, then don’t bother saying anything.
Amen, Michelle. Both of my kids grew up to be liberals. I love them and we are all in this adventure together. And they will always be my beloved children, no matter how they vote or how they see the world. We shall be a family united in life until the end.
Good piece of writing here, MM, and good insight.
Thanks.
this sounds like my husband and i! only, we were in italy at the time fighting about whether the US should send more troops to Iraq.
not for nothing…but i won that battle.
not to mention, my father’s an avowed socialist. he was raised in the 60’s with that hippy flowery language and has *only* in his mid-50’s come to realize he was wrong. when we argue now, he always ends up saying:
“i see what you’re saying, but i just don’t agree”
“why?”
“because i don’t”
he refuses to give republicans credit for anything, only he realizes that welfare programs have, and continue to hurt him.
the irony of this is that he’ll sooner take money from the gov’t in the form of an entitlement, but he’s too prideful to have my husband and i buy him a house for him to pay rent to us.
and to think about it, that irony is sad, because he’d rather depend on the faceless gov’t than his own family.
What, are babies allowed to vote now?
Thanks, Michelle. I’ve started getting more educated about and involved in politics by reading blogs and joining grass roots orgs. It is hard sometimes to maintain perspective; but we must. How sad that relatives who disagree politically can’t keep a conversation going about the rest of life.
The bumper sticker dilemma must be a biggie too.
This is a good lesson, Michelle, but to play devil’s advocate, I’ll say that I think that at this time in our country – this week, this day – politics and life are hopelessly intertwined.
Why?
Because the choices we make in the next few weeks will impact on what kind of country the kids of this nation grow up in for decades to come. Judges, laws, finance, a sense of well-being and a sense of right and wrong are very much at the core, and hang in the balance, of what we do now – today.
The kids of this country have some great options for their future, as do people like myself staring at middle-age staring back at them. We live in literally the greatest country the world has ever known. We’re lucky and blessed to be who we are, when we are and where we are. We look out at the world through video screens and see images of horror and suffering and say to ourselves, “there but for the grace of God go I.”
But that can change overnight with the extreme choices which face us right now – this very moment in time.
You’re a great voice for this nation, Michelle, and you’ve certainly paid enough of a price just in terms of counter-media feedback for anyone to say you have earned all you have. But as for me, and I say this with the greatest respect, for what it’s worth this is the wrong time for your message. For me, for whatever it may mean, this is the time when politics is a seeming abstract life and death arena, because wrong choices today could kill the moral fibre, what little of it is left, of our country, and at the risk of sounding melodramatic, life is worth considerably less without it.
Yes, children and laughing and loving make life worthwhile. But the current stakes on the table may make those things increasingly difficult to enjoy if unwise choices are made today. For me, that includes not giving round the clock attention to a political activism I never previously would have believed myself capable – until Hillary and McCain both started surging in the polls and a grim reality, a foreshadowing of the future of what this country could further become, set in.
Yours is a great lesson on what gives life meaning, but for me it’s a tale better told a month from now, when we’ve done all we can in the immediate sense to ensure that we have the best chance to enjoy those things of which you speak.
My respectful little imitation for the day of Louisa Mae Alcott on steroids while a storm brews on the horizon.
Well said, Michelle. After Hunter dropped out, I was bummed. When he endorsed Huckafraud, I was REALLY bummed. But it always evaporates when I walk through that door and mhy two little girls shout “Daddy!” and come and give me a hug.
Job woes, politics, news, etc– it’s all forgotten when we cuddle on the couch and watch “Yo Gabba Gabba” or read a book or sing some songs.
It’s all about perspective.
Only in Washington State…
/sarc
Politics…heck I argue with my family over football ;-0…..I will tell you though that sometimes it is just your passion but if you have nothing else to hang your hat on in a relationship than it is best just to “shut up”.
I agree that some allow politics to consume them.
However, unfortunately, this race will affect our lives.
Playing monopoly may soon mean Hide Your Money.
I too have other things to focus on, but there isn’t a day that goes by when the decisions or lackthereof – that CONGRESS makes, affects my life in some way.
I am anti government at this point in my life. Sick of illegals who have taken over my town. Everyday that I drive through sickens me to no end.
If you live around this area, you’d feel it all the time…..the anger that my taxes go to support these people.
Repeating: There is more to life than politics.
All too true. Family. I like to discuss politics with my wife and our 20-year-old daughter the aspiring novelist. But we also agree that there is more to life than politics.
My wife and I still have to educate the other children in the house (13 total). I still have to bring home the bacon, so to speak. My wife still works on managing appointments, lesson plans, fun time, birthday parties, and all the other day-to-day activities.
All good stuff. Politics takes a back seat. And I’m all too happy for that.
We cant control politics but our behavior is a different story, those who sent you the e mails, shame on you, get a life.
Hmm, will the socialist Obama or the socialist Clinton best destroy Israel? What is it, now? 90% of Muslims vote Democratic? This should be a clue for us.
Believe me, I don’t need to be lectured about what the stakes are–and readers of this blog know that I am devoting 110 percent to covering this race and trying to keep readers informed.
The point is to maintain balance. My last book was all about what happens when you lose balance.
Thanks for all you do, Michelle.
Actually this make a tremendously good point that could be thrown back at liberals …
If you can’t even rationally discuss candidates with your own family and friends without having violently emotional outbursts …
How can you possibly believe that you can rationally discuss and come to agreements with terrorists bent on killing you and me … regardless of our politics …
yeah, so this kind of stuff gives me ulcers, it’s really kind of silly, except that it the fun stuff in my life I’m worried for. If the right person doesn’t get picked for the job, then there’s a huge risk of that fun part of my life being taken away. If I want balance in the crappy blue state I live in, I feel like I have to fight for it.
Morning Michelle
No matter the outcome of this election the sun will still rise (dispite al gore) and coffee will taste the same.
I totally agree, Gayle. This election, just like 2004, is huge. Obama is truly scary. He reminds me of Hugo Chavez. Nobody knows a thing about him, except that he moves the dumber masses to vote for him because he is “multicultural” and for “change,” while not knowing what this change will be. Our country will go down the road of Venezuela. Clinton is a socialist who speaks in platitudes and believes that she can take away our wages (our property).
The MSM is going to be nonstop for Obama or Hillary this entire election, so I hope some conservatives with influence will be obsessed by politics until the election for the sake of our country.
Thanks, MM, for a refreshing pause. I wish people in political discussions would realize that people they disagree with are not evil or even stupid. Democrats do not want more terrorist attacks and Republicans do not want the wealth gap in America. We should treat our political opponents as family that we love at some level even when we’re exasperated at what they’re saying.
Let’s also recognize that there is bad behavior ranging from avoiding tough issues to criminal corruption in both parties. On the Democratic side:
Obama asked about Iraq says we never should have gone there. That’s doesn’t answer the question of what to do now. We don’t seem to have good choices. There seems to be death and destruction whether we stay or go.
Clinton claims to be experienced and to know how to get things done. Most of her experience is as the wife of the President who didn’t have a security clearance & wasn’t in on the big decisions. Her Senate record is mixed — lots of Dem Senators endorsed Obama. Then there are the Rose law firm papers that appeared on the table we don’t know how.
Let’s not forget Congressman Jefferson (and possibly Murtha).
Yes, there is more to life than politics! Family and friends are so important and one should keep things in perspective.
HOWEVER, there are people out there who are consumed with changing and shaping things and if they are not fought against, we would soon see our freedoms taken away from us. They don’t like our Constitution and our free market system and if we fall asleep they will take over – they already have in many areas of American life, as “journalists” and academics.
Most conservatives are NOT consumed by politics, but by principles like Duty, Honor, Country. Many liberals have no principles except that the end justifies the means. We can play by the rules – they will play by the rules only as long as they are winning. We can’t afford to leave the field of battle to them, so we MUST be involved in politics if we are to remain a free people.
Nice to see a little levelheadedness,very good wisdom,MM.
You take time off to be with your family??????
What are we…… chopped liver????????
Just kidding…..Its good to see you have balance in your life.
‘Tis good to step back from the abyss every so often. Guess I’ll be having some more snow cream come Wednesday; there’s more Gorebal Warming set to fall here in Wisconsin Tuesday night (5-9 inches expected).
I know. I get so nervous by the time election day comes around, I’m just ready for the election to be over. This election, like 2004, will completely decide whether our future is that our Founding Fathers envisioned. . .or whether we turn into Venezuela. I understand MM’s point, though, about not letting the election totally consume you, so that it gets in the way of family or other aspects of life.
AC (#14): Nice family. I clicked on the link at #14. I’m #12 of 16 kids (Catholic). Whenever we asked my Mom (when we were younger) why she and Dad had so many kids, she’d give us “the look” with one raised eyebrow and say “Which of your brothers and sisters would you suggest we not have had?” Well, I could have thought of a few to suggest but I knew better after getting “the look”. Enough said.
It was sure fun growing up though and now that my Dad is older and incapacitated, thank goodness I have that many brothers and sisters.
Desert Lover touched on a very valid point and actually it seems to be what separates true conservatives from the other ilk of politicians. We believe in opening our eyes, our ears and our minds to any topic and discussing it in a logical and reasonable manner. If there are valid points that we have not considered we will evaluate them and include them in our views. Most of the others seem driven by emotions rather than reason. If everyone jumps on the bandwagon who is left to push it?
Unfortunately, moving into the realm of trillion dollar budgets and billion dollar presidential races, it seems the only politicians we have left are those that are driven by a lust for power rather than any real concern for the people. To argue about it seems as futile as arguing about whether it is “better” to be bitten by a tarantula or stung by a black scorpion.
Until we learn to reasonably discuss our differences there will be no winners. Unfortunately, reason only seems to hold court on one side of the fence at the moment and even that small segment is rapidly declining in size and scope.
I wonder how much different the political landscape would be if politicians took this approach.
I just can’t help but think that if the narcissists put their families first, maybe they would take more level-headed approaches to running the government and facing the troubles that pursue us.
Michelle,
Imus in the Morning – Imus says, he has bookmarked New York Times as his homepage. I watch Imus every morning but when I get on the Computer I go to your page first
If something other then Imus news is going on at the NYT and it is newsworthy, I am sure you will fill us in. You know like Maureen Dowd’s tummy ache. I did like her last piece on Obama vs Clinton “There will be Blood” Yeah that about sums it up.
Chickaboomer has the link to “there will be blood” I don’t subscribe to NYT online go figure.
http://chickaboomer.blogspot.com/2008/02/obama-youre-gonna-need-bigger-boat.html
The other day while watching FNC a McCain spot was aired. I made a disparaging remark. My wife in essence told me to watch my mouth, that she is going to vote for him. I think he has her war veteran/POW vote.
Let’s say that I will NOT vote for him even if he is the Republican nominee. If someone else wins the presdency because I didn’t vote, so be it. However, to keep peace and harmony flowing the the house I will keep my mouth shut.
I’m with Mr. C Cat. Politics IS life. Saturday I spent the morning at the Council Bluffs legislative session watching democracy in action. Democrats are in control of everything so I had to watch myself. Did cut loose with a giant baseball “boo” when it was suggested from the floor that the R’s cease talking in order to alleviate global warming – in Iowa, for dog’s sake. My lobbiest friend was tickled knowing I was fit to burst. Later this month I will attend the Nebraska unicameral and a fundraising event for a friend. It’s all about politics, folks. Get involved or get Obama.
I took a break Sunday and spent 2 hours building a snow castle with my 4 year-old son. It was awesome! It was taller than him and made from blocks of snow we created with an empty FreshStep kitty litter plastic bucket. We had a great time!
It really broke the tension that I hadn’t even realized had crept into my neck from all the political worrying.
Maybe we’ll do it again Wednesday. I’m sure my neck will be in pain after the hours of SuperTuesday TV I’ll be watching.
Thanks, Michelle, for putting life in perspective. I have other interests and concerns besides politics, and these other interests, such as music, help me preserve my sanity in a crazy world.
Fortunately, my wife and I agree that there is no true conservative for whom we can vote. So, we don’t have to worry about politics being a divisive issue for us in our home. But, Michelle has some pretty sound advice for us.
I remember when I was so consumed with my career that I tended to put my wife and daughter on the back burner, probably as much in a literal sense as a figurative sense. I worked anywhere from 11-14 hours per day, at least 5 days per week, amounting to about 60-70+ hours per week. If/when I had a day off on the weekend, I didnt’ want to do anything – go eat, go shop, etc.
It took one last arrogant a** higher up in the chain than me to make me see that it wasn’t worth leaving my daughter and my preganent wife asleep at home for me to be at the office by 6:30am-7:00am and not get home until they were back asleep for the night.
I left that position, for which I had worked so hard to achieve. I took a very substantial cut in income to find a job that would allow me to spend time with my family. Had I stayed in the same career that I had before, I probably would not have been able to be there, when my son was born. And, that is not an exaggeration on my part.
My wife always told me that I was too consumed by my career. And, she was right. I just refused to see it. I can see it so clearly now. When I answered my phone, office or mobile, I answered it as “Chief”. I didn’t say Barry. My bosses didn’t ball me Barry or by my last name. I was “Chief” to them, as well. That was who I had become and who I was.
It would be so easy for the same to happen in my following of politics. But, my solace is my wife and children. I have that escape that I recognize now. They love and care about me. I never had that in my career and I have never had nor will I ever have that in a politician.
Thanks for the reminder, Michelle. It is good to keep things in focus in life, especially during a heated campaign season like this one.
Well said, Michelle. Sometimes, we all get too intense about politics and it filters into our lives too much. While I have great and serious concerns about this election, I don’t want these worries to give me migraines or intrude negatively on my day to day living with my family. Perspective and proportion are important.
I was told by my parents at an early age to not discuss religion or politics with family or friends who had strongly different viewpoints than our family did. It’s not worth the stress or bad feelings that generally ensue. Agree to disagree and move on.
My late Father would be very proud of you! Of all of us who live by those words.
Good advice,Michelle.This is something that I believe we all need to be reminded of every now and than.While I think it is important for people to learn about the issues and the candidates,there are more important aspects of life.
thank God my family are republicans and we all agree, no McCain.
LOL.. but thanks for the perspective. true we need to enjoy life.
Some of the raucus and heated conversations around the dinner table on Thanksgiving of 2000. That was the Thanksgiving we didn’t have a President yet. Hard to believe, but nobody on Thanksgiving 2000 knew who the next President would be.
I can just imagine the fights that broke out then.
This is a great kernel of wisdom Michelle, and once again will be ignored by the partisans in the left-o-sphere who will be shocked, shocked! that you are an actual human being with a life beyond politics.
When I was at Bryant I was always the conservative rabble rouser/troublemaker, but most of my friends were liberal and I welcomed the discussion of anyone who disagreed with me.
People are always more important than politics. Just like you shouldn’t let money rule your life, you shouldn’t let politics rule it either. Keep God in mind first and foremost, and remember all your graces come from him. Staying humble is a great way not to get wrapped up in insanity.
Thanks Michelle, you’re a winner!
In both the US Revolution and the US Civil War families literally fought and killed each other.
The US Declaration of Independence ends with the delegates pledging their lives for each other.
Right now, as you read this, there are young men and women who have essentially put their lives on hold to protect us – even at risk of their own lives.
How important is politics, again?
Many times this nation has faced the very real possibility of being destroyed – either from without, or from within. We have not come through these times unscathed.
And for every crisis that has befallen this nation, from the Civil War to today, you can see the political mistakes that led to it.
We have a duty to the very children we love and play with to take this very, very seriously.
Seriously to the point that if it means it alienates friends or family, then it alienates friends or family.
There’s no big political difference between Hillary and Obama. Essentially they’re fighting over whether it is more politically correct to support a black man or a white woman.
Republicans are really the only party that has to worry about anything. Democrat answers come in 3 flavors: Hope, Change, and Government.
Good post – sometimes we need to step back and gain some perspective. And with the race shaping up the way it is, I have a feeling that keeping such perspective is going to be more important than ever in the next few years.
My wife tells me I follow politics too much, and that it brings me down sometimes. I suspect she’s right … certainly in these times.
I can only suppose that I didn’t express myself well, Michelle. The point was not to lecture anyone, but simply to express my own view – albiet passionately as is my wont on such issues. I certainly offer my apologies if that read differently. No affront was meant.
There have been issues with which I disagree with you, Michelle, but you’re allowed to be wrong once in a while.
However, you speak “Truth to Power”. I’m not going anywhere. Write on!
At family gatherings, we never talk politics. That way we can all get along and focus on what we have in common.
Michelle, I agree with everything but you should add tennis to your list of activities. Not Wii tennis, the real thing. The first few months are very difficult and most people quit. But then one day there is the Eureka moment and it is your sport of choice for life. I used to do long distance running with friends from work. Believe me, tennis is so much more enjoyable. I am an evangelist for the sport. BTW, Holabird Sports in Maryland is one of the country’s best tennis shops! So no excuses!
I’m on my first day of vacation in Phuket, Thailand for 12 blessed days. Not a thought about politics. But I still check out MM.com from Phuket!
Mr_Conservative_Cat said in #9:
I have to agree. Unlike the Superbowl, which received infinitely more attention and coverage, the outcome of the game affects my life not one iota. Yeah, it costs me money on products I buy to pay for commercials etc., but I can choose not to buy these products.
Politics will affect you whether you care about it or not, and you can’t escape it. Socialist decision by Hillary or Obama will affect you, your family, you children and how you bring them up, your pay, your vehicle, your access to information, what foods you are allowed to eat, your job (trade laws and the scourge of illegal aliens). Your entire quality of life stands to be affected by who wins an election.
You have to be passionate about it. To do less is to be a prole.
I think Dem families get into fights about it because Dems tend to be less educated and more influenced by what they see in soundbites and commercials. Another reason to stop Dems from winning anything (or, in the case of McCain, PseudoDems).
Politics ARE my sports!
I would love to have great family relationships; however, my liberal sisters will not allow/tolerate/entertain any opinion from the conservative element of the family. There are NO robust debates on any issue and it has come down to an elitist, intolerant snub from them to all of us “uneducated, fly-over country, non-feeling conservatives.” I love my country and want to ensure its freedoms, and I feel obligated to carry my conservative torch to that end–even if it means alienating those closest to me.
FirstSkirt,
You expressed that so well that I must believe that they don’t even let you speak – otherwise, you’d be converting them.