A new gig

By Michelle Malkin  •  April 1, 2008 12:17 PM

I will be filling in as the FoxSexpert next week.

While I study for my body language degree.

***

In other news of the day:

The April Fools’ Day defense kit

Top 10 April Fools’ Pranks for Nerds

Top 10 Harmless Geek Pranks

Posted in: Fun

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  1. #276856
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:21 pm, taylork said:

    I get all my sex news/advice/anwers from fox news. Good to know!

    Watch out Dr. Ruth.

  2. #276858
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:22 pm, taylork said:

    Wait…I just mean fox… Where would be without two seasons of Temptation Island under my belt.

  3. #276859
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:23 pm, Romeo13 said:

    This is an April Fools joke…

    right???…

    Please????

  4. #276860
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:23 pm, Michelle Malkin said:

    Dude: It’s April Fools’ Day.

  5. #276864
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:24 pm, 30 pcs of silver said:

    Romeo,
    It has to be. I refuse to believe otherwise… Does that make me a liberal?

  6. #276865
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:25 pm, 30 pcs of silver said:

    Forgot the smiley face. :-)

  7. #276866
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:25 pm, granite said:

    Rim shot for Michelle.
    Touche!

  8. #276869
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:26 pm, taylork said:

    I suppose it be crass of me to make an O’Reily joke.

  9. #276870
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:26 pm, cpodug said:

    C’mon, 30, smile – atta girl – little more(as face breaks into wide grin) – now, a little giggle – easy, now – maybe you can work it up to a laugh – not too much now – next thing you know, it’ll be a side-splitting guffaw! :lol:

  10. #276871
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:27 pm, meatpieandtatters said:

    And what makes you uniquely qualified….ahem…a foxsexpert? Hmm?

  11. #276872
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:27 pm, fourstringfuror said:

    I get my sex advice from my wife ;)

    Just sayin’.

  12. #276874
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:28 pm, fourstringfuror said:

    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:26 pm, taylork said:
    I suppose it be crass of me to make an O’Reily joke.

    Yes, but it would still be funny!

  13. #276876
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:28 pm, cpodug said:

    Remember this – every time you laugh, you kill a lib – they ain’t got no sense of humor.

  14. #276881
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:30 pm, HarryStar said:

    Ah, per chance to dream :-)

    For that brief moment, all the planets aligned and all was right with the world until the thought of April 1 came around..

  15. #276882
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:31 pm, taylork said:

    Remember this – every time you laugh, you kill a lib – they ain’t got no sense of humor.blockquote>
    Because other than the humorless, who would find Bill Maher or Janeane Garaffalo funny?

  16. #276885
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:37 pm, 30 pcs of silver said:

    cpodug,
    In that case. I will walk around for the remainder of the day with a cheshire cat grin on my face. I can get away with it today… people will just think me a fool. :-)

  17. #276887
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:39 pm, cpodug said:

    - or they’ll wonder what you’ve been up to

  18. #276889
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:39 pm, 30 pcs of silver said:

    There is that…

  19. #276898
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:44 pm, josetheguerilla said:

    MM is going to be a sexpert? Hmmmmm. I wonder if she’ll talk about client # 9 and his she man entrepreneur? Will she talk about the body the language of Chelsea during those darn pesky Lewinsky questions? As a famous preacher once said: Goddamn!!!!!

    Heh.

  20. #276899
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:45 pm, amerpun said:

    Ha!

    (On a serious note, what exactly makes people experts in body language?)

  21. #276904
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:49 pm, taylork said:

    On a serious note, what exactly makes people experts in body language?)

    First you need to get your degree in fuzzy math.

  22. #276908
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:51 pm, zorro said:

    I will be filling in as the FoxSexpert next week.

    Ha! Just spit coffee all over the place! hahaha!

  23. #276912
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:53 pm, max said:

    you are funny dude-ette…

  24. #276915
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:54 pm, Michelle Malkin said:

    (On a serious note, what exactly makes people experts in body language?)

    Step One: Purchase Katie Couric/Ashleigh Banfield/Body language expert-approved Smart Glasses.

  25. #276920
    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:58 pm, cpodug said:

    Purchase Katie Couric/Ashleigh Banfield/Body language expert-approved Smart Glasses.

    - available only from your friendly neighborhood institution of higher education

  26. #276927
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:04 pm, MNUSMCDavid said:

    Michelle, the problem with the glasses is, they then open there maws to say something, flushes away all doubt we may have had…..lol

  27. #276928
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:05 pm, BrianNY said:

    O’Reilly: OK, here’s another body language example, what say you Michelle?
    Michelle: You see here, Bill? Do you see this Islamo-fascist’s eyes rolling back, the foam around his mouth and his buddies dancing and calling to Allah as they chop off heads? That means that they REALLY REALLY hate those infidels.

  28. #276941
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:16 pm, Regulus said:

    Well, having Michelle step in as the Fox “Sexpert” would at least have the salutary effect of getting my eyes to stop rolling whenever I see that column on the FNC Web site.

    Yes, I think I’d have no problem focusing my attention for that one week span.

  29. #276942
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:17 pm, taylork said:

    No crass BO jokes allowed I see…

  30. #276952
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:23 pm, serfer62 said:

    Damn

    Please make it real and I’ll buy a TV

  31. #276958
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:29 pm, On-my-soap-box said:

    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:27 pm, fourstringfuror said:
    I get my sex advice from my wife

    I get my sex advice from your wife too.

    Just sayin’.

    April fools!

  32. #276960
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:29 pm, On-my-soap-box said:

    Step One: Purchase Katie Couric/Ashleigh Banfield/Body language expert-approved Smart Glasses.

    SNORT!

  33. #276962
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:32 pm, taylork said:

    I get my sex advice from your wife too.

    Just sayin’.

    How crude. As punishment, you’re going to have to take this baby for three days.

  34. #276963
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:32 pm, On-my-soap-box said:

    Allergic Reaction

    Sexplain this one Michelle!!!

  35. #276966
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:33 pm, On-my-soap-box said:

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, anything but a baby!

    B. Obama

  36. #276967
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:36 pm, 30 pcs of silver said:

    You want punishment. I’ll give you punishment. Bad baby, bad baby. From Jim Carrey’s – Liar, Liar. Elevator scene, c’mon you know what I am talking about.

  37. #276969
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:37 pm, max said:

    MM, I have the perfect theme song for your Sexpert gig…

    (sung to the tune of Peaches & Herb’s “Reunited”)

    Maglalanged… and it feels so good…
    Maglalanged …’cause we understood …
    There’s one perfect fit
    And, sugar, this one is it
    We’re both feelin strange
    ‘Cause we been Maglalanged
    Hey, hey

    :)

  38. #276977
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:45 pm, 84_cavy said:

    What a tease…

  39. #276981
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:46 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    April Fools….:)

  40. #276988
    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:54 pm, wrcnossen said:

    Just clicked on the Fox sexpert link.

    TO.MUCH.INFO

  41. #277005
    On April 1st, 2008 at 2:12 pm, rightisright said:

    Wheew scared me MM…don’t do that to an old man…i could see the world stopping …thinking “hey this ain’t right”…lol.
    Now as for FoxSexpert that does not surprise me, showing up on the New Fox Tabloid Magazine

  42. #277008
    On April 1st, 2008 at 2:15 pm, rightisright said:

    hey, where are the trolls? sexual talk on the right wing Fox News, what’s that about?

  43. #277017
    On April 1st, 2008 at 2:23 pm, shooter said:

    (On a serious note, what exactly makes people experts in body language?)

    Mirrors and massage oil? Lots of massage oil.

  44. #277020
    On April 1st, 2008 at 2:26 pm, josetheguerilla said:

    Promo: The Malkin Factor will have the Infamous Blue Dress as a guest during the sexpert segment.

    Segment:

    MM: Today on the back burner, and Via Ustream T.V. we have as a guest, the Infamous Blue Dress. Welcome to the program.

    Infamous Blue Dress: Thank you for having me Michelle.

    MM: Where were you on or about November 16, 1995?

    Infamous Blue Dress: I was looking for a Mr. clean eraser.

    MM: Uh, I mean November 15, 1995.

    Infamous Blue Dress: I was with Geraldo.

    MM: Ew.

    Infamous Blue Dress: Don’t worry; I was wearing my face shield.

    MM: Ew. The only whore on the split screen is you!!!!

    Hard break.

    April fools every body!!!!!!

    The guerilla

  45. #277022
    On April 1st, 2008 at 2:28 pm, thirteen28 said:

    I did not click on the Fox Sexpert’s link.

    I did not click on the Fox Sexpert’s link.

    … wtf?? Not to be embarrassed about crying during … huh??

    I did not click on the Fox Sexpert’s link.

    I did not click on the Fox Sexpert’s link.

  46. #277023
    On April 1st, 2008 at 2:29 pm, Jim M. said:

    We need to start an “ASK MICHELLE” column>>>

    Dear MM,

    Is it true that a wedding ring is the most effective tool for abstinence?

    Dear MM:

    Why are people so opposed to gay marriage? I mean, shouldn’t gays has the opportunity to be as miserable as the married population?

  47. #277031
    On April 1st, 2008 at 2:33 pm, shooter said:
  48. #277066
    On April 1st, 2008 at 2:56 pm, et said:

    All kidding aside, whoever Michelle fills in for, its an improvement.Now if Fox would get its act together Michelle would be replacing not filling in.

  49. #277093
    On April 1st, 2008 at 3:20 pm, SHoward said:

    Hey shooter, in your second link, where’d you get that picture of Rusty?

    Was he out behind the bushes abain?

  50. #277103
    On April 1st, 2008 at 3:47 pm, Lindsay said:

    Snort.

    Monday night’s O’Reilly shows are a loss without you, Michelle. His only bright spot, evah, is Dennis Miller.

    Since the Geraldo spitting I never watch O’Reilly pat himself on the back.

  51. #277106
    On April 1st, 2008 at 3:48 pm, Lindsay said:

    Shooter, #47, that photo looks a lot like someone on CNN—Larry King?

  52. #277112
    On April 1st, 2008 at 3:52 pm, Boomer said:

    Thanks for the April Fools Day gotcha moment. ;) Much better than the serious stuff you have been posting that I wish were only jokes today.

  53. #277122
    On April 1st, 2008 at 3:58 pm, Al in St. Lou said:

    1. I’m hoping this is an April Fools Day post.

    2.

    On April 1st, 2008 at 1:29 pm, On-my-soap-box said:

    Made me LOL at work!

  54. #277139
    On April 1st, 2008 at 4:16 pm, pabarge said:

    April Fools!

  55. #277148
    On April 1st, 2008 at 4:23 pm, fourstringfuror said:

    I get my sex advice from your wife too.

    Just sayin’.

    April fools!

    She’s been meaning to talk to you about you and your little problem. ;)

  56. #277216
    On April 1st, 2008 at 6:07 pm, On-my-soap-box said:

    ROFL fourstringfuror,

    I can’t say I didn’t deserve that!

  57. #277266
    On April 1st, 2008 at 7:24 pm, greenfairie said:

    You do realize that for a few moments there, you got up the hopes of many conservative gents ;) .

  58. #277268
    On April 1st, 2008 at 7:25 pm, Al in St. Lou said:

    I fell for Google’s Virgle hoax, too.

  59. #277333
    On April 1st, 2008 at 9:06 pm, almeehan said:

    Oreilly is a turd but is there anyway you would reconsider getting back on that hour?

  60. #277379
    On April 1st, 2008 at 10:11 pm, Kevin K. said:

    This was a cruel April Fool’s Day joke–I wanted to believe it.

    (I know Michelle is happily married. She has read and writes a lot about a lot of topics, so why not sex?)

  61. #277521
    On April 2nd, 2008 at 9:32 am, Barry F. said:

    On April 1st, 2008 at 12:23 pm, Michelle Malkin said:

    Dude: It’s April Fools’ Day.

    To tell the truth, Michelle, I almost choked, when I read it, until I looked at what day you posted it. :lol:

    That’s what I get for not being able to click over and read your blog yesterday. ;-)

  62. #277557
    On April 2nd, 2008 at 10:10 am, fourstringfuror said:

    ROFL fourstringfuror,

    I can’t say I didn’t deserve that!

    All in good fun.

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