Appeasing the Berkeley tree-sitting trespassers…with energy bars

By Michelle Malkin  •  July 9, 2008 09:37 AM

Remember when I said something nice about UC Berkeley finally getting tough with the illegal trespassers who’ve been idiotically perched in campus trees for 18 months? Never mind. Now, they are going to appease the law-breakers by feeding them energy bars.

For crying out loud:

UC Berkeley officials said Tuesday that the school would give 1,800 calories in the form of energy bars to each of the four people still sitting in the oak trees on campus.

The school had already been giving the tree-sitters energy bars and water for some months, but because the protesters may have begun to run out of food, school officials said they wanted to make sure that the tree-sitters stay healthy.

UC Berkeley Executive Director of Public Affairs Dan Mogulof said the school would continue to deliver water to the activists.

“Following a UCPD report that the protesters are depleting their previously stockpiled supplies, senior campus officials consulted with the campus medical director Dr. Brad Buchman and decided to provide each individual with the equivalent of 1,800 calories a day, an amount Dr. Buchman has determined to be sufficient to meet essential requirements,” a statement from the school read.

The previous energy bars did not have as many calories as the newer bars, which are made by QuakeKare Inc.

My sympathy for the university just went out the window.

Posted in: Berkeley

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  1. #371014
    On July 9th, 2008 at 9:42 am, khan said:

    My sympathy for the university just went out the window.

    Ditto. They deserve this headache.

  2. #371015
    On July 9th, 2008 at 9:44 am, taylork said:

    Let them eat bark, it’ll taste just like the energy bar and will be all natural.

  3. #371018
    On July 9th, 2008 at 9:45 am, JHSII said:

    hmmm…spiking the energy bars with laxatives would be over-the-top, right?

  4. #371028
    On July 9th, 2008 at 9:51 am, ajmontana said:

    I’m starting to root for the tree sitters. yes, I said it and I mean it. this Univ. has it’s head straight up it’s ash. and I want to see that dollar amount rise rise rise! go Muffy! :lol:

  5. #371032
    On July 9th, 2008 at 9:53 am, secondsight said:

    Psst! It’s a secret mission to increase the amount of tinfoil that they wear. (Lightning will solve everything.)

  6. #371037
    On July 9th, 2008 at 9:55 am, RTater said:

    Dr. Evil – Scott, meet my archnemesis.

    Scott Evil – What? Are you feeding him?

  7. #371042
    On July 9th, 2008 at 9:58 am, bloghooligan said:

    i thought leaves had nutritional value?

  8. #371061
    On July 9th, 2008 at 10:14 am, abstractmind said:

    Can’t we just annex the entire place and be done with it? Give it to some other country or something?

  9. #371078
    On July 9th, 2008 at 10:23 am, Barry F. said:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 9:44 am, taylork said:

    But, but, but…..that wouldn’t be good for the trees. ;-)

    On July 9th, 2008 at 9:45 am, JHSII said:

    Nah. I would pay to see that! :lol:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 10:14 am, abstractmind said:

    Go ahead and give it to Mexico. :lol:

  10. #371083
    On July 9th, 2008 at 10:25 am, expat said:

    Don’t they teach Darwinism there? I say let the strong survive and let natural selection take the rest. It should fit in with the teachings of the university and they can have classes study the phenomena.

  11. #371099
    On July 9th, 2008 at 10:34 am, wrcnossen said:

    Why can’t they cut through the tree’s bark near the ground? Then the police and construction people can go home and ignore the idiots in the trees. The trees will die, and the fools will come down when the camaras go away.

  12. #371120
    On July 9th, 2008 at 10:49 am, Blind_Mule said:

    expat said:
    Don’t they teach Darwinism there? I say let the strong survive and let natural selection take the rest.

    I they sit in those tree’s long enough maybe they will evolve into birds. :smile:

  13. #371133
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:04 am, cabrerski said:

    Coming attractions for a new commercial:

    Close-up: “Hi! My name is Dumpster Muffin. You may remember me from our extended tree sit-in at Berkeley trying to save our friends the trees.”

    Cue videos of tree-sitters.

    “Saving the lives of our leafy friends is extremely hard work. Especially when those fascist police officers try to prevent from doing so.”

    Cue the excrement tossing.

    “After a long day of flinging poo and urine, I find my energy level dwindling down. I need a burst of energy for that next pig-rush.”

    Cut to product.

    “With xxxxx energy bars, I get that burst with enough stamina to scream at the top of my lungs. These bars are made from nurturing farmers who always ask the plants if it is okay to harvest part of themselves. The makers of xxxxx really care about the needs of plants.”

    Back to close-up

    “Count on xxxxx energy bars for your short- and long-term energy requirements. Plus with each purchase, xxxxx will donate to vital environmental charities.”

    Pan wide, showing Muffin squatting.

    “xxxxx also has the fiber I need. Now it you excuse me, I have to re-load.”

    Voiceover: “xxxxx. Energy you can use and as green as we can be.”

  14. #371136
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:05 am, Goldwater Knight said:

    It’s one thing to be compassionate to the weak but compassion has to be exercised with wisdom. I’d personally cordon off the area to outsiders and just give them water then adapt my tactics as needed.

  15. #371153
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:15 am, aunursa said:

    If the treesitters fall out of the trees due to lack of energy, they (or their heirs) will sue the University. And they’ll be counting on the CA court system.

    UC is just waiting for the court ruling that will allow the construction of the student athlete center to begin. Could happen as soon as next week.

  16. #371162
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:18 am, RabbidSquirrel said:

    If you cant beat ‘em join ‘em! Im in the Bay area this week so I think I will go over and climb up there for a while this evening.

    EVERYONE LOOK FOR ME ON CAMERA TONIGHT!!!!!! :) ;) :)

  17. #371184
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:30 am, alaskangrizzly said:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 9:55 am, RTater said:
    Dr. Evil – Scott, meet my archnemesis.

    Scott Evil – What? Are you feeding him?

    I nearly lost my coffee out my nose reading this one. Outstanding :D

  18. #371192
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:35 am, cabrerski said:

    Poetic justice would be to use a full sewage vacuum truck and a cherry picker. Run a spray hose up to the top of the bucket and allow the cops who got “excremented” to spray down the tree sitters (s*itters?). After all, the sitters were willing to dump all over the P.D. This would provide a fair and equitable response.

  19. #371200
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:39 am, Barry F. said:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:04 am, cabrerski said:

    Coming attractions for a new commercial:

    ROFLMAO

    Oh, geez! My eyes are watering, because I am laughing so hard! Make them stop, please! :lol:

  20. #371213
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:49 am, Send_Me said:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:35 am, cabrerski said:

    While I have to applaud the creativity, I’m content with a neighbor walking over with a Stihl chainsaw from his shed and cutting down the blasted trees, sparing all of us of this nonsense.

  21. #371217
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:53 am, jroberts said:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:15 am, aunursa said:

    Exactly. Even apart from the lawsuit, it would make Cal look bad. A dead tree-sitter would make the tree-sitters go from not being taken seriously by more than a few people to being seen as martyrs. This would not work out for Cal. Apart from the very stupid people in the trees, there are people in Berkeley who object to Cal adding to their stadium and to Cal actually having a stadium so close to their neighborhood. The oaks are red herrings; much of the legal issue has been over zoning, and killing (or letting die) a protester would make Cal look bad, and leave the city more likely to win.

  22. #371219
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:53 am, Southpaw said:

    Hey University of California:
    Could you please FedEx my free 1800 calories a day to my home address? I know it’s a bit of a bother, but I’m too lazy to sit in a tree all day.

    Thanks, a tax paying alumni.

  23. #371221
    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:58 am, D-Hoggs said:

    Open letter to tree sitters on Craigs list:

    http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/466281874.html

  24. #371236
    On July 9th, 2008 at 12:10 pm, wighttrasch said:

    I have a huge box of ‘energy bars’ in surplus. I will gladly donate them to the tree-sitters’ cause.

    Please note, the brand name on the boxes reads ‘chocolate exlax’, so I hope they like chocolate!

  25. #371241
    On July 9th, 2008 at 12:11 pm, wighttrasch said:

    I just realized the error of my previous post…

    I wrote ‘tree sitters’ when I should have written ‘tree sh*tters’.

    I apologize for any misconception.

  26. #371266
    On July 9th, 2008 at 12:23 pm, greenfairie said:

    Why not just give them honorary degrees in forestry too?

  27. #371267
    On July 9th, 2008 at 12:23 pm, RabbidSquirrel said:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 11:53 am, Southpaw said:

    Hey University of California:
    Could you please FedEx my free 1800 calories a day to my home address?

    Open invitation to Dumpster Muffin -

    Here little girl, I have some ‘candy’ for you. (And Ive lost my ‘puppy’?)

    [Yikes - That was pure parody OK?. I havent had my shots yet......]

  28. #371272
    On July 9th, 2008 at 12:26 pm, Blind_Mule said:
  29. #371286
    On July 9th, 2008 at 12:33 pm, cabrerski said:

    Thanks, Mule (#28)

    That is the perfect picture/product for my commercial above. Absolutely perfect.

  30. #371288
    On July 9th, 2008 at 12:35 pm, Blind_Mule said:

    I thought so it was a great idea. :lol:

  31. #371298
    On July 9th, 2008 at 12:39 pm, Kalifornia Kafir said:

    This is a special summer employment program for the University Police. Instead of driving or walking around in the summer heat, they get to stand in the shady oak grove for eight hours.

  32. #371383
    On July 9th, 2008 at 1:28 pm, Barry F. said:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 12:26 pm, Blind_Mule said:

    ROFLMAO :lol:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 12:33 pm, cabrerski said:

    I agree with cab, BM. That is that would go great with his commercial parody earlier. :lol:

    Now, you need to photoshop a Dumpster Muffin and find someone to put the two ideas together for the commercial. ;-)

  33. #371411
    On July 9th, 2008 at 1:40 pm, Wade said:

    These are environmentalists? Give them recycled energy bars.

  34. #371438
    On July 9th, 2008 at 1:55 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    No Dumpster Muffins for energy?

    Thanks, a tax paying alumni.

    Ok, you walked into a pet peeve. Alumni is plural.

  35. #371459
    On July 9th, 2008 at 2:12 pm, Barry F. said:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 1:55 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    Okay, AG, alumni or alumnus, don’t lose sight of the big picture. :lol:

  36. #371475
    On July 9th, 2008 at 2:20 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    Okay, AG, alumni or alumnus, don’t lose sight of the big picture.

    OK. :) Those license plate holders really get me going…

  37. #371512
    On July 9th, 2008 at 2:39 pm, ent said:

    wrcnossen had a great idea. Kill the trees without chopping them down and the fools will eventually have to come down because there will be nothing left to save.

    A quicker approach would be to spray herbicide around the base of the tree. In a few weeks, all of the leaves will turn brown and fall off, making it pointless for them to stay.

    On the other hand, when has being pointless ever stopped moonbats from supporting their crazy causes? In fact, most of what they do seems pointless to rational people.

  38. #371667
    On July 9th, 2008 at 4:11 pm, mom2jack said:

    The university is acting as if the tree sitters are being forced there. They have CHOSEN to be there. If they aren’t smart enough to figure out their own nutritional needs for the duration, too bad. If you want them to come down…WHY ARE YOU FEEDING THEM?! It’s like trying to get rid of vermin.

    My only consolation is that those of us who are part of America’s workforce will never have to worry about competing for jobs with any of these worthless fools.

  39. #371772
    On July 9th, 2008 at 5:30 pm, Stillwaiting said:

    Note to the homeless: get to Berkeley and live in a tree.

  40. #371826
    On July 9th, 2008 at 6:03 pm, zorro said:

    Now, they are going to appease the law-breakers by feeding them energy bars.

    They deserve each other.

  41. #371831
    On July 9th, 2008 at 6:08 pm, Southpaw said:

    The looney left is doomed to extinction as a movement. Why? Because these people are just freaking CRAZY:

    http://www.berkeleydailyplanet.com/issue/2008-07-03/article/30506?headline=A-Failed-Effort-to-Feed-the-Tree-Sitters

  42. #371840
    On July 9th, 2008 at 6:16 pm, graysonret said:

    Well, if the university wants to take care of a bunch of idiots sitting in trees, so be it. Doesn’t say much for the university though. It would certainly influence any thought I would have about attending this place and paying good money for it. But, then again, there are always people support such a place. As a contributing alumni, I would raise all sorts of heck…so where are you, alumni?

  43. #371929
    On July 9th, 2008 at 7:22 pm, Southpaw said:

    On July 9th, 2008 at 6:16 pm, graysonret said:
    Well, if the university wants to take care of a bunch of idiots sitting in trees, so be it. Doesn’t say much for the university though. It would certainly influence any thought I would have about attending this place and paying good money for it. But, then again, there are always people support such a place. As a contributing alumni, I would raise all sorts of heck…so where are you, alumni?

    As an alumna, I often have my criticisms of the University, and I have been extremely outspoken about this issue of trespassing on University property. I also temper my criticisms of UC with the knowledge that it has an extremely large and complex mission. Getting a few malcontents out of trees ranks about #88,000 in its’ list of priorities.

    A little trivia: Approximately 1 out of every 225 Americans is a University of California alumni.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_California

  44. #371947
    On July 9th, 2008 at 7:50 pm, graysonret said:

    Thanks for your input, Southpaw.

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