Draft your own DNC schedule

By Michelle Malkin  •  August 11, 2008 11:22 AM

I feel an avalanche of parodies coming on. The DNC has e-mailed its convention schedule:

Monday, August 25 — One Nation
Monday’s headline prime-time speaker will be Michelle Obama.

Tuesday, August 26 – Renewing America’s Promise
Senator Hillary Clinton will be the headline prime-time speaker on Tuesday night.

Wednesday, August 27 — Securing America’s Future
The Vice Presidential Acceptance Speech

The headline prime-time speaker on Wednesday will be Barack Obama’s Vice Presidential Nominee.
Thursday, August 28 – Change You Can Believe In

I’m reminded of that joke DNC schedule that’s been floating around for years.

Time for a fresh update, don’t you think?

Give it your best shot!

***

Related: This is for real…

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich says his role at the upcoming Democratic National Convention in Denver will be in the men’s room.

Blagojevich joked with reporters at the Illinois State Fair on Saturday, deadpanning that he is booked to speak at four in morning in a men’s room at Denver’s Colorado Convention Center.

With his public approval rating sagging and dogged by federal investigations into corruption within his administration, Blagojevich did not directly reply to a question about how he might help presidential contender Barack Obama at the convention.

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Comments


  1. #101
    On August 11th, 2008 at 7:02 pm, alaskangrizzly said:

    What need of politics do scientific and socio-psychological research organisations have?

    You’re kidding right?

  2. #102
    On August 11th, 2008 at 7:07 pm, Omu said:

    So, just because these organisations have expertly studied homosexuals and have found statistics that don’t paint gay people as demi-devils, they must be liberally biased? Give me a break.

  3. #103
    On August 11th, 2008 at 7:13 pm, alaskangrizzly said:

    they must be liberally biased

    Must… no. But to use a blanket statement that science and sociology groups don’t use their “studies” as a front to push their political or social issue is just plain laughable.

  4. #104
    On August 11th, 2008 at 7:24 pm, Omu said:

    #103

    Must… no. But to use a blanket statement that science and sociology groups don’t use their “studies” as a front to push their political or social issue is just plain laughable.

    It’s really not difficult to understand. These groups study the issue of homosexuality at lenght, using trained specialists and experts, and find that homosexuals are – gasp! – human beings too, and are not mentally disordered and are – shock! – capable of raising children. And so they decide to use their research as a way to fight the intolerance and disrespect for gay people that is born of the ignorance of such studies. Really, it’s not that difficult, is it?

    Supporting gay people doesn’t equate to being a liberal. It equates to having decency, compassion and intelligence, you’ll find.

  5. #105
    On August 11th, 2008 at 7:35 pm, alaskangrizzly said:

    Supporting gay people doesn’t equate to being a liberal. It equates to having decency, compassion and intelligence, you’ll find.

    One can have decency and compassion and intelligence and still think the person’s choice of lifestyle is inherently wrong and at its core wicked.

    As an alternative example I can have compassion and show decency for illegal aliens in setting up a shelter in Mexico for people who are caught trying to enter the country illegally and provide them with food and water. While at the same time pushing more legislation that punishes them for breaking the law and deporting more of them back to their home country and not coddling their behavior as acceptable and okay to break this country’s laws and standards. I don’t have to take the attitude that “well, illegal aliens are people too, and La Raza studies have shown that most of them just want a better way of life and are capable of holding jobs and raising families, so since there will always be illegal immigration we need more tolerance and acceptance of their illegal behavior”.

    No thanks, I’ll not coddle or rationalize those choices. Show concern and treat with respect, yes, coddle, no.

  6. #106
    On August 11th, 2008 at 7:53 pm, curiozities said:

    6:00 PM – Opening flag burning ceremony
    6:15 PM – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    6:30 PM – Opening prayer and blessing cursing of America with Rev. Wright
    6:45 PM – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    7:00 PM – John Edwards and Bill Clinton discuss how to remain faithful to your spouse
    7:15 PM – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    7:30 PM – Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi talks about drilling–taxpayers in the wallet, that is
    7:45 PM – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    8:00 PM – John Murtha gives his famous “Support the Troops” speech
    8:15 PM – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    8:30 PM – Congressman William Jefferson discusses frozen assets
    8:45 PM – Dinner is served; menu includes tofu, arugula, alfalfa sprouts, soy burgers, granola
    9:45 PM – Ted Kennedy proposes an after-dinner toast
    10:00 PM – Fidel Castro and Kim Jong Il nominate Senator Barack Obama via satellite
    10:15 PM – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    10:30 PM – An awkward moment ensues as both Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama take the podium simultaneously
    10:31 PM – Ted Kennedy declares “Cat fight!”
    10:45 PM – Al Gore flies in on personal Learjet to give speech on why we should all ride bicycles
    11:00 PM – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    11:15 PM – Senator Obama prepares to give speech on change, fails to receive change from backstage vending machine, kicks it over in anger
    11:30 PM – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    11:45 PM – Sen. Obama gives his acceptance speech
    12:00 PM – John Kerry presides over closing ceremony of “F’ing balloons”
    12:15 PM – Bill Clinton and John Edwards ask Ted Kennedy to drive their wives home

  7. #107
    On August 11th, 2008 at 11:36 pm, travlinman said:

    Monday, August 25 — One Nation I’m Proud Of After We Kill Whitey.
    Monday’s headline prime-time speaker will be Michelle Obama.

    Tuesday, August 26 – Renewing America’s Promise Demise Under Our Liberal Agenda
    Senator Hillary Clinton will be the headline prime-time speaker on Tuesday night.

    Wednesday, August 27 — Securing America’s Future As A 3rd World Socialist Regime
    The Vice Presidential Acceptance Speech

    The headline prime-time speaker on Wednesday will be Barack Obama’s Vice Presidential Nominee.

    Note: Sorry folks, but Hugo Chavez is unavailable, so we went with our 2nd choice…

    Thursday, August 28 – Change You Can Believe In

  8. #108
    On August 11th, 2008 at 11:44 pm, travlinman said:

    Dang touch pad! Try this:

    Monday, August 25 — One Nation I’m Proud Of After We Kill Whitey
    Monday’s headline prime-time speaker will be Michelle Obama.

    Tuesday, August 26 – Renewing America’s Promise Demise Under Our Liberal Agenda
    Senator Hillary Clinton will be the headline prime-time speaker on Tuesday night.

    Wednesday, August 27 — Securing America’s Future as a 3rd World Socialist Regime
    The Vice Presidential Acceptance Speech

    The headline prime-time speaker on Wednesday will be Barack Obama’s Vice Presidential Nominee.
    Note: Sorry folks, but Hugo Chavez is unavailable, so we went with our 2nd choice…
    Thursday, August 28 – Change You Can Believe In If You Are An Imbecile

  9. #109
    On August 12th, 2008 at 10:22 am, xler8bmw said:

    #100 OMU ooohhh I mistakenly typed an i instead of a y. That’s what happens when you libs can’t win an argument you spell check…..

    Oh and I didn’t make up the loophole go read it before you suggest stupidity!

  10. #110
    On August 12th, 2008 at 10:52 am, jbirish said:

    “It just seems like a ridiculous double standard. Straight people can conduct themselves in a lewd and offensive way in public (like at Mardi Gras and various Spring Break celebrations) but when gay people do it, it’s then unacceptable. Why isn’t it always unacceptable?”
    ******
    Those at Mardi Gras, engaging in lewd behavior of any kind are ARRESTED! Those on the beach during spring break, engaging in lewd behavior, are ARRESTED!

    Those gays participating in open sex and other lewd behavior, in full view of the public, get a pass.
    Explain again why it isn’t ALL unacceptable.

  11. #111
    On August 12th, 2008 at 10:53 am, plymouthacclaim said:

    Thursday, August 28 –
    3:00 PM    Obama ascends into Heaven
    3:01 PM    Obama is promptly kicked out by God

  12. #112
    On August 12th, 2008 at 1:24 pm, Omu said:

    Those at Mardi Gras, engaging in lewd behavior of any kind are ARRESTED! Those on the beach during spring break, engaging in lewd behavior, are ARRESTED!

    Those gays participating in open sex and other lewd behavior, in full view of the public, get a pass.
    Explain again why it isn’t ALL unacceptable.

    Again, you’re making this up! I always knew the argument against gay people was extremely weak, but when so many in this thread alone have resorted to actually inventing their own, convenient versions of reality really is telling. No one ever gets arrested at Mardi Gras. Look, I’m not saying that the horrid scenes at the Folsom Street Fair or at various pride parades are ok, because they absolutely are not, but to use those examples as a reason to deny gay people basic rights and to promote intolerance is – in a word – despicable.

    Some people have accused me of being a liberal; to them I say this: it is you who is behaving like the stupid liberal, assuming that everyone on the right must be homophobic. I am a passionate conservative, but I do not and never again will support the terrible and unfair discrimination against gay people that is so widely mandated by my fellow conservatives!

  13. #113
    On August 12th, 2008 at 1:36 pm, alaskangrizzly said:

    assuming that everyone on the right must be homophobic

    Phobic indicates a phobia or fear, I have no fear of homosexuals. See #105. kk thnx.

  14. #114
    On August 12th, 2008 at 2:25 pm, Omu said:

    Phobic indicates a phobia or fear, I have no fear of homosexuals. See #105. kk thnx.

    If you seek to deny gay couples the right to marriage, then you do you have an irrational, unwarranted fear (“irrational fear” being the actual definition of the word phobia).

  15. #115
    On August 12th, 2008 at 2:35 pm, alaskangrizzly said:

    then you do you have an irrational, unwarranted fear

    On what grounds? Your lofty opinion? My beliefs are wholly rational and Biblically based. By your ignorant standard I would have a “fear” of illegal aliens and a “fear” of abortion doctors because I believe those people are commiting acts of evil as well.

  16. #116
    On August 12th, 2008 at 2:38 pm, alaskangrizzly said:

    Which is why both some Muslims and most all liberals call conservatives who call out atrocities in the name of Allah “Islamophobic”. Which is yet another PC and thought crime type of propaganda, the same one you are attempting here in attempting to stifle the fact that much of the country agrees with me that certain acts are inherently evil.

  17. #117
    On August 12th, 2008 at 5:26 pm, Omu said:

    On what grounds? Your lofty opinion? My beliefs are wholly rational and Biblically based. By your ignorant standard I would have a “fear” of illegal aliens and a “fear” of abortion doctors because I believe those people are commiting acts of evil as well.

    So, illegal aliens and abortion doctors are comparable to gay people?

    You need to do some serious growing up.

  18. #118
    On August 12th, 2008 at 5:36 pm, alaskangrizzly said:

    You need to do some serious growing up.

    All 3 are committing evil acts. You need to grow a brain :D

  19. #119
    On August 12th, 2008 at 6:16 pm, Omu said:

    All 3 are committing evil acts. You need to grow a brain

    Illegal aliens are hardly “evil”, but they are breaking the law. Abortion doctors are paid to end the lives of potential children. Gay people, uh, well they fall in love with the same sex. Honestly, are you that bigoted that you would compare gay people to wicked abortion doctors and law breaking illegals?

    People like you – braindead bigots – are why so many are turning away from Christianity. I suggest you heed your own advice and start thinking about things rationally.

  20. #120
    On August 12th, 2008 at 6:24 pm, alaskangrizzly said:

    People like you – braindead bigots – are why so many are turning away from Christianity. I suggest you heed your own advice and start thinking about things rationally.

    See my original statement

    On what grounds? Your lofty opinion? My beliefs are wholly rational and Biblically based.

    People are turning away from Christianity for the same reasons they always have. They love their sin more than their Savior. All 3 above examples are sinful, and thus evil. If that is too much to sink into your ignorant skull then continue to flame away with your empty name calling.

  21. #121
    On August 13th, 2008 at 11:33 am, chefantwon said:

    August 11th, 2008 at 1:36 pm, Omu said:
    It’s not that conservatives hate gay people. We hate whining people who think they have some right to cram their agendas down our throats or think that it should be mandated at schools to teach that this is an acceptable alternative to our kids.
    How can you dismiss the gay couples who wish for their relationships to be recognised by the law (just as my relationship with my wife is) as “whining”?

    Why shouldn’t schools preach tolerance? Like it or not, gay people exist and the children of today are absolutely, definitely going to meet a gay person or gay people in their lifetimes so why is a bad idea to instil a compassion and understanding for these people?

    Now, please tell me you don’t seriously believe that it’s a choice? I mean, I know for a FACT that I could never “choose” to be gay, and that’s regardless of how many people tell me that being gay is ok or how pride parades I see. It’s not like it’s something that can be “promoted”, so why bother promoting a intolerance of it?

    …………………………………

    The problem with your viewpoint is that a government run school should not be teaching kids about being gay. Simply mention homosexuality,define it,and go on to the next subject. Treating people with compassion is a great way of life, however to actively promote the gay lifestyle at a government run instution, is NOT the place to do it. Especially in front of young kids. That is the rub here. It’s a parents job to teach values to children, NOT the government. If you want to teach your kids that being gay is ok, then do so. Just don’t be doing it in school.

    I have a cousin and a sister who are gay and that’s fine by me. I don’t care what they do in the privacy of their own homes, but to actively campaign about it, then I get a tad upset.

    I have the freedom to live my life in anyway I see fit as long I don’t try to force my values down your throat. The folks on the left believe just the opposite.

  22. #122
    On September 1st, 2008 at 7:50 am, sfcmac said:

    This is late, but a good one:

    2008 Democrat National Convention Schedule of Events

    7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING

    7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE U.N.

    7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

    7:25 pm NONRELIGIOUS PRAYER AND WORSHIP – Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton

    7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING – Darryl Hannah

    7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

    8:00 pm HOW I INVENTED THE INTERNET – Al Gore

    8:15 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING – Rosie
    O’Donnell

    8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

    8:40 pm OUR TROOPS ARE WAR CRIMINALS John Kerry

    9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

    10:00 pm ANSWERING MACHINE ETIQUETTE – Alec Baldwin

    11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

    11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND – Barbara Streisand

    11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM
    GUANTANAMO BAY- Sean Penn

    11:30 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS – William Jefferson Clinton

    11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

    11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS – Howard Dean

    12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

    12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

    12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

    12:45 am NOMINATION OF Barack Hussein Obama – Nancy Pelosi

    1:00 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST To Obama

    1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST To Hillary Clinton

    1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home

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