The Ant and the Grasshopper, 2008 edition
My syndicated column today updates what used to be one of my favorite Aesop’s fables: “The Ant and the Grasshopper.” It’s been revised over the years (most famously by Jim Quinn in the 1990s), but the tale needed a new revision based on the stimuluspalooza/Mother of All Bailout frenzy of the last year. As with the shamnesty bill, even if the MOAB gets killed, I can guarantee you we’ll see more mini-MOABS.
Thrift is dead.
***
The Ant and the Grasshopper, 2008 edition
by Michelle Malkin
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2008
With what looks like imminent passage of the Mother of All Bailouts (following on the heels of a year’s worth of government-funded rescues of private homeowners, lenders, insurers, and the automakers), Washington has turned Aesop’s famous fable about prudence and hard work on its head. The time is ripe for a revised 2008 edition of “The Ant and the Grasshopper:”
In a meadow on a hot summer’s day, a Grasshopper was chirping and carousing his time away. He watched scornfully as an Ant nearby struggled to store up large kernels of food and build a secure nest. The Ant pulled overtime shifts to pay off his loans and accumulate retirement funds for the future.
“Give it a rest,” the Grasshopper said. “Why bother saving and slaving and toiling and moiling? Let’s party!” The Ant demurred: “I am planning ahead for winter and you should do the same.” The Grasshopper blew off the Ant, squandered his supplies the rest of the season, and abandoned his home while on vacation (paid for by tapping every last cent of his home equity gain) instead of holding down a job.
When winter came, the Grasshopper’s pantry was empty and his shelter ruined from neglect. The Ant, weary from planting, harvesting, and stocking up for months, was dining comfortably in his nest.
Cold, hungry, jobless, facing foreclosure, and up to his two pairs of eyeballs in debt, the Grasshopper limped to the Association of Community Winged Insects for Rescue Now and demanded recourse. The office was swamped with thousands just like him. ACWIRN immediately put the Grasshopper to work registering dead ants as new voters.
Funded with tax dollars from the rest of the meadow’s residents, ACWIRN organized mass protests at the Bank of Antamerica, ambushed its top officials at their private homes, harassed their children, and demanded that the meadow’s politicians halt all foreclosures (“We must keep Grasshoppers in their houses!”) and outlaw discriminatory lending practices against starving, homeless Grasshoppers (“Well-stocked shelters are basic insect rights!”)
The banking industry capitulated; the Orthoptera Lobby secured hundreds of millions of dollars in housing earmarks and grants and counseling subsidies to support the Grasshoppers with the shadiest credit and employment histories. Antie Mae, the meadow’s government-backed home lending giant, fueled the push for increased insect homeownership in the name of biodiversity. Its executives cooked the books and headed for the hills. Katie Cricket and the Mainstream Meadow Media joined the grievance-for-profit circus, profiling Grasshopper sob stories and drumming up ratings as bewildered Ants wondered who was looking out for them.
The banks drowned in toxic debt. More Grasshoppers fell behind on their mortgage payments. Bailout mania and panic gripped the meadow.
Our little Ant, minding his own business, heard a knock on his door one late winter night a year later. It was his old, sneering Grasshopper neighbor. With ACWIRN’s presidential candidate, Barack Cicada, now in office, the Grasshopper had been hired by the meadow as a tax collector.
“I’m here to take your provisions,” the Grasshopper cackled.
But it was the Ant who had the last laugh. “I’ve learned my lesson,” he told his shiftless friend. “Why bother saving and slaving and toiling and moiling? I’ve spent all my savings. I’m walking away from my mortgage. Thrift is for suckers,” the Ant said as he headed out the door, leaving the Grasshopper empty-handed.
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I’d laugh out right now if I didn’t feel like crying. What a joke this economic system has become…
I will never look at ants and grasshoppers the same way. I used to welcome the soothing sounds of grasshoppers on a summer evening whereas I would terrorize any ant that had the bad luck to take up residence in my kitchen. I would put ant traps out for them, and laugh gloriously at their doom (okay maybe not laugh).
Now it would seem the ant always had it right. For the sake of biodiversity and insect rights, we must preserve the grasshoppers’ existence at all cost. To the expense of the entire insect community.
Again, it would be funny if it wasn’t so true. And disheartening.
I am angry at this. I’ve been near tears all day. And the liberals? They’re all laughing at us and saying it’s the Republicans’ fault.
I feel like this Aesop fable is a reflection of my own life. I was always the ant that worked hard, saved money, never leaped into the economic waters head first. I’ve always been cautious to a fault.
Then there is my sister, the grasshopper, who, ever since she was a teenager, never worked hard (barely graduated high school and college), or saved her money. She partied, slept around, yet now has married another fellow liberal wild child who likes to party, live unwisely, and live on the edge.
They have a new baby, my niece. They have no savings, no assets, everything they’ve spent on themselves and their vanity. I wonder what kind of future my niece will have with people like my sister and her twit of a husband.
I lived this Aesop fable before… too bad many people think fables are just stories that they can’t learn from.
They’re just outdated and useless, like the Consitution.
On September 26th, 2008 at 1:00 pm, emjem24 said:
Investigate each and every one of the earmarks. Follow the money and you will find even more corruption on which to shine enormous spotlights.
When the lights are turned on, the insects run and try to hide in the darkness.
Well, its your fault for needing boiling water.
But since you do need boiling water, they will earmark funds for the Firemans Union, the firetruck and stove manufacturers, and the insurance companies. There will need to be a study on how hot boiling water is, and new materials need to be subsidized so that water cannot be burned.
Is water really safe to use?….I dont think so. We are going to need tax credits for new water exploration (We’re running out!!), but at the same time we need new alternative water replacements. Why do only rich republicans have extra water for boiling?
There will need to be a headstart program to teach inner city youth that water can be boiled. More subprimes mortgages need to be made available so that minorities are enabled to boil water in the comfort of their own homes.
And massive regulation has to be put in place for oversight on this whole matter.
WAIT!!! This has to be put off until after the election cycle because they need a pay raise first!
I dunno. While I have no dog in the fight between franksalterego and his opponents, Michelle’s article didn’t do much for me; in particular, it’s conclusion —
“’Why bother saving and slaving and toiling and moiling? I’ve spent all my savings. I’m walking away from my mortgage. Thrift is for suckers,’ the Ant said as he headed out the door, leaving the Grasshopper empty-handed.”
– strikes me as nihilistic. Taken to its logical conclusion, it produces no winners: everybody dies.
Let’s suffice it to say, that’s not the type of bed-time story I’d be reading to my kids.
Human societies will always contain a spectrum of contributors and detractors. What holds society together is the willingness and ability of the contributors to carry the “dead weight” of the detractors; not out of some sense of mindless generosity, nor because they’re “suckers,” but because the benefits they get from living in a society — as opposed to an “everyone for himself” model — more than offsets the burden of carrying the 5% or so of society that the detractors represent.
The ant-grasshopper story is strained in the current financial mess because as an analogy to human society it breaks down on multiple levels.
First, there’s no such thing as a “detractor ant.” Every worker ant is a cookie-cutter specimen that does exactly what it is supposed to do; the closest social insects come to detractors is males, which once they’ve fulfilled their sole purpose get mercilessly driven out to die.
The closest humans have ever come to that kind of behavior is Communism’s maxim, “He who does not work, shall not eat.” The salient feature of that system is how it treats humans like ants.
Is that the kind of degradation we want in a society? No. That’s why Communism can only survive as long as the rulers can hold the population off at gunpoint. What separates us from the bugs is our compassion — and at times, our forgiveness. Should we be so quick to toss away that distinction?
Second, left unsaid in the ant-grasshopper story is the ant’s contribution to the problem. Yes, you read that right: the ant is partly at fault, too. If it had gone to the meadow and engaged in the debate — opposing the demagoguery of the grasshopper and offering solutions of its own instead of simply adopting an “I’ve got mine, so screw you” attitude and waiting for the eventual knock on the door — then the end of the story (everybody dies) might’ve been different.
True, the ant may have ended up carrying more of a burden than would be fair in a perfect world or a Utopian society. True, the grasshopper-detractor may benefit in a way that might not be fair. But in the end by not adopting a bunker mentality and ceding the debate to the grasshopper the ant keeps its home — instead of just waiting for its door to get kicked in by a grasshopper-led mob, or by adopting a “We screwed! — Let’s join in the chaos!” attitude that leads it to become just another contributor to society’s problems.
Solutions? First, don’t be a nihilist. The notion of simply packing it in and joining in the downward spiral may feel good in a perverse way, but it’s destructive at a time when we need constructive answers.
Second, don’t cede the debate, but also be prepared for an imperfect outcome. What comes out in the end may not be all we want, but it’s better than just standing athwart the train tracks yelling, “Stop!” The Federal government was instrumental in creating this mess; the Federal government must be involved in the clean-up. Just saying “No!” isn’t an option; you’ll only get steamrolled.
Third, learn from what went wrong, and work toward an outcome that sees to it that these kinds of mistakes don’t get made again. At a time like this, I recall a movie about an accidental US-Russia nuclear exchange that avoids becoming Armageddon only because the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs ends up sacrificing his own life to prevent an escalation. When asked by the president just before his death if there’s anything that the president can do to repay his sacrifice, the chairman simply says, “Do better next time, sir.”
And that’s what I’m looking for from whatever finally comes out of the problem that the Feds are trying to sort out: they’ve already made a hash out of it, I’m just hoping that they learn and do better next time.
Sorry for the long post, but this is a situation that simply does not lend itself to flippant, one-sentence vents in lieu of considerable contemplation.
On September 26th, 2008 at 1:27 pm, RabbidSquirrel said:
Let me point out as a concerned citizen, how rich people have more than their fare share of boiled water.
The act of boiling water is a racist act, because southern slave owners boiled water.
Under a fair minded progressive government, everyone would have the same tepid water as everyone else.
On September 26th, 2008 at 1:25 pm, MarcoPolo said:
I presume you are being facetious, but in all seriousness, are “We the people of the United States” going to rise up and demand that every person in our government uphold their oath of office?
For Congress, each and every one of them swore this oath:
Maybe when they said “I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States”, they insterted 4 words under their breath: “I will support and defend the Constitution OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY of the United States“
On September 26th, 2008 at 1:28 pm, Regulus said:
That’s exactly what Communism does.
Capitalism is MUCH greater than Communism.
Take a look at the picture in that post, and ask yourself in which country you would rather live?
I’ve seen that photo before, RedPill, and it is an obvious distinction between the two systems. I, like you, prefer the light.
he who does not work shall not eat is from communism, rather the bible:
2 Thessalonians 3:10
For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.”
communism is ‘from each according to his ability, to each according to his need’
My thoughts exactly. Thanks for pointing that out. While Christ encourages us to help the poor and widows, those who are willfully lazy are not entitled to the same benefit. Communism says they should be.
Michelle, you crack me up.
And the Grasshopper went wee wee wee all the way back to the swarm.
Moral: All insects are screwed.
This is why Michelle gets paid to write and I don’t.
I still can’t help but wonder if the illegal aliens who bought my house are still making their payments.
After all, a new identity is only a street away when you’re an illegal in a sanctuary city.
Thank you Michelle for the rewrite. It will help many understand the reasons why we are in this predicament. Unfortunately this is so over the head of the democrats and especially their leadership. The only person who could rewrite the fable so Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank , and Barak Obama could understand it is Andrew Dice Clay.
I wonder the same thing about the families that bought my grandmother’s house.
I live your new Fable Michelle!
Kind of a ‘Ant and Grasshopper’ meets ‘Atlas Shrugged’.
Correction on #118…. (sorry…)
I love your new Fable Michelle!
The detractors are way more than 5%; polls show Obama support at 45% to 50%, so we’re talking roughly half of our society.
The real nihilism is when the productive support the freeloaders, and allow themselves to be spit (or worse) upon for it. Until that stops, nothing will improve.
Good question. The ant could shoot the grasshopper, but that might not be the moral thing to do unless he is threatening to steal the ant’s food and invade his house. The grasshopper allows others to do his dirty work, the IRS. The good, honest ants will pay their taxes while the shiftless (as you put it) grasshoppers pay nothing because they do not work. When the ant retires, he pays less, but still pays some. The ants can not force the grasshoppers to work–that would be “slavery”. The other insects are afraid that the grasshoppers will eat or kill them if they don’t force the ants to pay more and give up the food, clothing and shelter they worked hard for while the grasshoppers were playing around. Until and unless the ants along with some of the other insects tell and then enforce their work ethic on the grasshoppers, this will never end. The time has come for a real choice. Sometimes these choices are difficult, but the grasshoppers are to blame for their own behaviors.
What a load – I can’t believe people who voted for George Bush twice would have the nerve to criticize anyone – you people should be asking the true patriots of this great nation for forgiveness.
Some good news (I hope), just got off the phone with a representative from Rep Allen Boyd’s office (FL-2). Rep Boyd is a co-chair of the “Blue Dog Democrats”.
He said that to the best of his knowledge, the deal is very much in flux, and Pelosi DOES NOT HAVE the votes she claims to push through her ACORN gimme. Apparently she has achieved a breakthrough level of bipartisanship — “EVERYONE” on ALL sides of the aisle is angry about this, and it is doubtful if any consensus can be reached. The Blue Dog Democrats, many facing tough re-election bids in their home districts, are NOT biting off on the Pelosi-Reid package.
There is hope…keep calling.
A more appropriate choice for b. Hussein would have been an Ambush Bug which lies in wait in a flower, and when another insect who is out working to collect its meals and take-home food storage, attacks it, sticks its proboscis into its prey and sucks their innards out.
There is also a DC comic book (DC – how appropriate) called Ambush Bug.
Very funny update to the tale. Too bad it’s not fictional.
Ilovemycountry:
“Apologize” to you for voting because we didn’t vote for the same candidate as you?
Please, be reasonable.
I’ll give you two reasons:
Al Gore and John Kerry.
Iovemycountry: You don’t get to choose who I vote for………yet.
The real patriots are serving our country in places that do not have hot showers and live in huts that are much less than those given away to NO grasshoppers.
They volunteer to help their neighbors, serve in soup kitchens for 25+ years without $, do not gripe, pay their taxes, serve on juries, report crimes, cooperate with the police to catch criminals, help clean up after natural and man-made disasters and on and on.
In general, they are adults, not crying children.
Ihatemycountry – First, YOU apologize for Jimmah Cawta, Billy Bob Clinton and for nominating goons like Kerry and Gore…
Who are you calling “you people”?
Bigot!
It may bug you but we are for now still allowed to have a different opinion from you or the messiah, lord obama the great pbuh
While I stained part of my fence today, I killed two grasshoppers. Really.
Good catch, John, put it right back in their laps.
Barack Cicada!!! LOL!!!
oh yeah ‘patriots’ like Hanoi Jane Fonda, Billy-boy Ayers, and his protege the messiah, John F Kerry…whom President Nixon ordered to Cambodia, before he was president….and who cut himself shaving and won a purple heart….and accused our troops of being war criminals like genghis khan.
oh yeah you’re a bunch of
hzeroesWhat a load is your sheer audacity expecting all of us to take this “bad medicine” like good little children. I don’t think you know what a true patriot is. I don’t even think Joe Biden knows what’s “patriotic” since he thinks paying taxes now is “patriotic.”
Do you even know who fights for your freedom? Or do you just spout like you understand when really you’re another freeloader who needs to be bailed out? People in the military have made more sacrifices than your sniveling ass ever will.
You’re tiresome. Get a new schtick. Really.
Because you’re the last person who understands who’s an enemy and who’s a patriot.
This bailout is just a ploy to make the rich richer. Have you seen the stock quotes on some of the banks on the edge. If you got money (the rich) they are gonna buy this stuff up, it will go up in value after weeks of the bailouts.
Come on, 1.9 billon for the largest bank in the US? That was a steal!!!!
By the way Michelle, the Ant story is exactly the way I feel. I am checking on my tent to be able to move to tent city when I walk away from everything..I am tired of killing my self especially when the rules to the game change. Its the prudent thing to do…this bailout is gonna happen…..
Would you please get rid of those pictures of H. Reid and N. P. so I can go back to eating my lunch and dinner–or rather my dinner and supper! Those pictures turn my stomach, but, then all liberals turn my stomach.
Jake
As one of the true patriots of this great country I forgive you for even considering voting for a liberal democrat for president. But don’t let it happen again.
We shoulda kept Saddam alive.
We could use him right now to give Pelosi/Reid/Dodd/Schumer/Frank a lesson they could actually learn from.
Voting for George Bush twice is better than voting for Obama 8 times, or Gore 6 times, or however many fake absentee ballots you fill out…
but I don’t expect you to understand this.
No nihilism for me. When they come to break down MY door,the grasshoppers better be packin’. Not that it will do them any good but it will be good practice.
Ilovemycountry, (doubtful)
Do you come in Summer breeze or just vinegar and water?
Reminds me of a book I read about a successful Christian doctor who was the head of a hospital in China before the revolution. After the reolution a jealous communist party leader put her own relative in charge of the hospital and threw the Christian doctor and his family out of their own home so she could move in. Then she sent the doctor to a “re-education” camp. True story.
After reading your post, I increased my 401k contribution rate by 2%. I’ve got over 20 years yet to work, so I said to hell with the fear. I was thinking the same thing you were, then I figured I might as well put in my 2 cents and get a piece of the Bailout pie. (with a 2% increase, 2 cents is about what I’ll get.)
“We have met the enemy and he is us.”
Pogo
When there is no consequence for bad decision making, or life neglect, then chaos comes to light. Imagine a welfare state with everyone on welfare. It’s not too far fetched.
I think the damn ants should have eaten the lazy, tax sucking black hole grasshoppers.
Soylent Green is people!
What a wonderful piece, Michelle. I just hope our Congress doesn’t make it come true. Both of my senators and congressman know how I feel about this bailout.
WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMAN – TELL HIM:
IF YOU CAVE, THE DEMS WILL HANG THIS AROUND YOUR NECK LIKE A TIRE FILLED WITH GASOLINE. YOU WILL BURN AS THEY BLAME YOU FOR THE CRAP THAT WILL FOLLOW.
Hey, that’s not a grasshopper, THAT is a cockroach.