Instrument of torture: The Barry Manilow punishment
A judge with a truly wicked sense of humor has been sentencing noise violators to listen to Barry Manilow for an hour as a civil penalty:
Barry Manilow’s “I Write the Songs” may begin with the line, “I’ve been alive forever,’” but for noise ordinance violators, listening to Manilow may feel like forever.
Fort Lupton Municipal Judge Paul Sacco says his novel punishment of forcing noise violators to listen to music they don’t like for one hour has cut down on the number of repeat offenders in this northwestern Colorado prairie town.
About four times a year, those guilty of noise ordinance violations are required to sit in a room and listen to music from the likes of Manilow, Barney the Dinosaur, and The Platters’ crooning “Only You”
“These people should have to listen to music they don’t like,” said Judge Paul Sacco for a segment about the program that aired Friday on Denver’s KUSA-TV.
Go ahead and leave your nominees for best torture music. On Michael Graham’s Boston talk show this morning, I nominated anything by REO Speedwagon and the Pokemon theme song (which my kids drive me crazy with 50 times a day).
Also: “Barbie Girl.”
“Umbrella.”
And P. Diddy’s butchering of “Every Breath You Take.”
Ugh.
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Yeah, those shoulder pads belonged on the Bears offensive line.
The eighties weren’t all bad, but I believe the declining quality of Rock in that decade contributed a lot to the surge in popularity of country music in the nineties.
By 1989, the Top 40 sucked so bad that when a local radio station went to a Classic Rock format it was a huge success.
You have to keep in mind country moved more to pop during that time, too, BC. e.g. Shania Twain
(I remember when it was “country western” or just “western” music!)
William Hung for great (in)justice!
Ozzy Osbourne.
Michael Jackson (adult).
90’s Boy Bands.
At least the 80s was still music. Steal a riff and add a beat is all it takes to have a hit today.
And thank you frostrt, I forgot how much I hated Hall and Oates.
Fan with a habit of overintellectualizing Huey Lewis and Whitney Houston.
On November 24th, 2008 at 3:30 pm, John Deaux said:
At least the 80s was still music. Steal a riff and add a beat is all it takes to have a hit today.
And thank you frostrt, I forgot how much I hated Hall and Oates.
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To each their own. Who did/do you like?
Interesting tidbit, MM:
There are two versions of “Umbrella”; the techy Rihanna version that you were probably thinking of the then another version done by a female singer (sorry, can’t remember the name) with just an acoustic guitar; I like that version better.
I would rather listen to Lil Wayne than an audiobook of anything Bret Easton Ellis has ever written.
On November 24th, 2008 at 3:42 pm, L.N. Smithee said:
I would rather listen to Lil Wayne than an audiobook of anything Bret Easton Ellis has ever written.
————————————–
He wrote the book “American Psycho”, correct? Yeah, I never read that or saw the movie.
But I suspect Lil Wayne would be even worse, though I never had the (dis)pleasure of hearing anything of his.
The beef I had with Hall and Oates was their lyrics. They would take one good line and repeat it enough times to basically make a whole song out of it. Their songs had a good sound to them, but after growing up listening to the Fab Four I wanted a bit more depth to the lyrics.
The one notable piece of work that stands out in my mind from the eighties was Dire Straits’ “Brothers In Arms” album.
By far, the most obnoxious song that comes to mind is ‘its a small world’ from the Disney Ride.
After 5 entire minutes of being assaulted with ‘its a small world afterall’ in that whiney nasal gnome voice, I was ready to throttle the first disney charactor I came accross.
Only problem with the song, after an hour of exposure, my guess would be, there would be no survivors
BKennedy:
Ozzy has always been a horrendous vocalist, but he has the savvy to employ world-class guitarists. The underrated Tony Iommi, the late Randy Rhoads (that’s with a “y” and an “a”, not the hate-spewing lefty talkhost with the drunk dog-walking problem with an “i” and an “e”), Brad Gillis, Jake E. Lee, and Zakk Wylde.
On November 24th, 2008 at 3:48 pm, backwoods conservative said:
The one notable piece of work that stands out in my mind from the eighties was Dire Straits’ “Brothers In Arms” album.
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“Money For Nothin’”, “Walk Of Life” . . . yeah, they did some good stuff.
Ohhhhh good call. You know every so often I will be watching a movie and I will hear a certain guitar riff in the soundtrack. And I will say “Hey, that’s Mark Knofler.” And I will inevitably be right. He does a lot of work in movies apparently.
I think it would be nigh on impossible to intellectually short-sell it enough. But still I suspect someone earned their PhD back then with a doctoral thesis on “The Curly Shuffle” by Jump ‘N the Saddle Band anyway.
Anything Michael Bolton or Kenny Gee.
Barbra Streisand. And if the music isn’t bad enough, make them look at pictures of her.
The Hooters? You know them?
On November 24th, 2008 at 4:01 pm, purplepeep said:
But still I suspect someone earned their PhD back then with a doctoral thesis on “The Curly Shuffle” by Jump ‘N the Saddle Band anyway.
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Oh, man, I’d forgotten about that one! And now I have to try to forget it again!
I had to to that, if you can believe this, during a concert with my high school choir. Oh, the humanity!
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world…
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world…
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world… and so on and on and on…….
I pretty much tolerated the 80s stuff. Nothing stood out for me. I liked INXS, Talking Heads and Dire Straits. I pretty much subsisted on a diet of leftover 70s style stuff from Van Halen, Allman brothers, etc.
He has a distinct style.
Did you ever hear the “Neck and Neck” album he recorded with Chet Atkins? Good stuff. Knopfler also did the guitar part for Randy Newman’s “It’s Money That Matters.”
All You Zombies vote Obama. Wasn’t that one of theirs?
That IS frightening, frost.
:::shudder:::
Guaranteed to clear a room.
Click at your own risk. If you find yourself liking it, seek immediate psychiatric attention.
I’m surprised that for torture music, Lawrence Welk has flown under the radar up to now. Every week, he would drown our most beloved pop standards in schmaltz. I remember when one of his singers did “Hey Jude.” After thanking her, Welk remarked, “An unusual song-a.”
“All You Zombies” is a great record (click here for video). It’s woefully Biblically inaccurate (Noah’s family was “the Israelites”? Jacob, the progenitor of the race, was a dozen generations in the future [Luke 3:34-36]) and I have no idea who the “zombies” are supposed to be, but the track’s a blast to listen to a good set of earphones.
Rock sorely misses guys like “Zombies” producer Rick Chertoff (who also produced Cyndi Lauper’s breakthrough LP, She’s So Unusual) and Steve Lillywhite, who produced U2 and Dave Matthews’ vibrant early works before subsequent producers toned them down.
My suggest musical tastes for torture:
Intro to torture: Anything by Air Supply
Torture 101: The “Mama Mia” movie sountrack by the group ABBA (listening to Pierce Brosman sing was insane), and followed up with some monosyballic British comedy.
For true waterboarding torture: Force the students to exercise while listening Richard Simmons “Sweating to the Oldies”
Just my two cents…
GSP
OT I am going to listen to TSO Christmas in Sarjevo.
I liked the comment under that one that said, “This is the musical equivalent of a guy missing half his head.”
On November 24th, 2008 at 4:53 pm, nbarry said:
I’m surprised that for torture music, Lawrence Welk has flown under the radar up to now. Every week, he would drown our most beloved pop standards in schmaltz. I remember when one of his singers did “Hey Jude.” After thanking her, Welk remarked, “An unusual song-a.”
———————————–
Ah, yes-a. How could we have forgotten about him-a?
Hey, Myron Floren was a hero of mine!
Actually, I like the Shaggs, EMod. Therapy hasn’t helped
They always kind of reminded me somewhat of The Slits. Yeah, it’s an acquired taste. Or, as you say, acquired mental malfunction.
Oh, oh! I almost forgot: Alanis Morrisette. “You Oughta Know” makes any guy cringe!
On November 24th, 2008 at 5:31 pm, Dexter Alarius said:
Oh, oh! I almost forgot: Alanis Morrisette. “You Oughta Know” makes any guy cringe!
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Some women, too. I always get a mental image of Glenn Close standing there in a white dress holding a kitchen knife.
It’s good Alanis got those feelings out of her system through music; otherwise, I’m thinking she might be in prison now.
Doesn’t this violate the Eighth Amendment?
No CR UVa-
It only violates the Eighth Amendment if muslims are forced to listen to Ray Boltz’s music as a punishment.
Lets see a professed Christian gay infidel…Yes, that would get them angry.
GSP
“This is Sparta!”
“Piano Man.”
“Stronger” (Daft Punk was cool until they let Kanye copy their song, not because he let them copy their song).
“We Represent the Lollipop Guild.”
“Tiptoe Through the Tulips.”
If Satan’s waiting for me, he’ll have his jukebox on an eternal loop of “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.”
My list is much more extensive than this, but it’s bad enough that these songs are stuck in my head now. Especially that last one.
they let him
sigh.
Oh, yes. “MacArthur Park,” too. Thanks, protein wisdom.
WOW, a lot of my favorites getting bashed here, like, The Beach Boys, The Carpenters, (Karen’s voice was just terrific), and even Minnie Ripperton.
But please, nothing by Alanis Morrisette…it’s like fingernails on a blackboard…..uh, can I say BLACK-board?
No, that’s racist.
You’re right about Karen Carpenter’s voice. I was getting a bad case of road rage one day and, since the radio stations weren’t doing anything good either, I shoved a tape into the player. The first thing I heard was Karen singing “Crescent Noon.” The road rage disappeared. It was like I just couldn’t listen to Karen Carpenter sing and be angry at the same time.
Barbura Sturaisannnnnnnd!
(South Park reference)
Yet at times there are ways to make it worth the pain, for us guys at least
Hey Chap…
Check out the movie “Local Hero” from the early 80’s. Not only is it one of my favorite films (very understated and more enjoyable with subsequent viewings), but Mark Knopfler did the entire soundtrack.
Favorite quote -
Urquhart: I want you to try this Scotch. It’s 42 years old.
MacIntyre: Old enough to be out on its own
I personally love Minnie Ripperton but … I think I am the only person on the planet who does.
So …
For punishment, the offender has to listen to “Lovin’ You” by Minnie Ripperton AND sing along repeatedly for an hour.
Their ears will be ringing for no less than a week.
Terry Jack’s rendition of Rod McKuen’s “Seasons in the Sun”. Barfworthy.
How about “Afternoon Delight” ad nauseam?
Not quite, check post number #241.
And lest we forget (from 1976)…
“Disco Duck” and “Muskrat Love” (Captain and Tennille version, although America’s wasn’t much better).
Anything country music (Trace Adkins in particular), Beyonce, Britney, Zeppelin or Sabbath would have me singing like a canary.
Q: How do you hide acid from a deadhead?
A: Put it under the soap
Boy George, Cyndi Lauper, Nilli-Vanilli, Wham, Bjork, Spice Girls. You know, costumes w/o music.
The only real answer to this is to have every car stero be required to have a ROM chip that has the song “Feelings” on it. Whenever the volume gets too high, “Feelings” is played.
That will stop the loud noise instantly.