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Comments

1. #1
   On March 5th, 2009 at 12:56 pm, Craig said:

   “the helm awaits, my lad; I trust you will steer it well. And, it appears, I have soiled myself.”

   That is hilarious.

2. #2
   On March 5th, 2009 at 12:59 pm, Socky said:

   As for this Jindal fellow, who quite knows what to think? In the more colorful days of my youth I took quite a shine to the mystics of the East Indies, not to mention that culture’s astonishingly encyclopedic catalogues of sexual positions

   Priceless.

3. #3
   On March 5th, 2009 at 1:00 pm, cpodug said:

   It appears I have soiled myself whilst reading this.

4. #4
   On March 5th, 2009 at 1:01 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

   but I took comfort in the stoic grace with which he finally relinquished control of both the conservative movement and his bowels.

   Good form!

5. #5
   On March 5th, 2009 at 1:05 pm, Cicero said:

   Iowahawk reads squishies like Brooks, Frum, Noonan, Kmiec, Powell and Kathleen Parker like a book. And he’s hilariously funny to boot.

6. #6
   On March 5th, 2009 at 1:16 pm, Joy said:

   That is funny all over. He’s got them.

7. #7
   On March 5th, 2009 at 1:19 pm, amerpun said:

   Of course, Bill Buckley could write and speak like that and was a solid conservative.

8. #8
   On March 5th, 2009 at 1:20 pm, Ed Mahmoud abu al-Kahoul said:

   OT

   You don’t have to be Jewish to spot a self-hater when it gets this bad…

   http://www.roseanneworld.com/blog/2009/03/ohlmert_you_lying_prick.php

   you say that twelve rockets were fired into israel since the end of the “war” (ethnic cleansing). Not one Israeli was hurt or killed by these rockets, and now you say you are going to go back and kill more palestinians to teach them a lesson!!!

   I think rockets are being fired by your own sources, since less than ten israelis have been killed by them. You are bullsh!tting the world as you pocket money made from arms sales, along with bibi and your agents in Hamas. step down all men in power!

   Found at Gateway Pundit…

   (The “S” word was edited with an exclamation point for the letter “i” because I’m pretty sure Ms. Malkin’s site has a potty-mouth filter)

9. #9
   On March 5th, 2009 at 1:22 pm, Right By-The-Sea said:

   the crystal set “dee jay” buffoon Rush Limbaugh by contrast offers a horrifying one-stop object lesson in all that ails Republicanism: the embarrassing bombast and boosterism, the cheap anti-intellectual sophistry, the complete failure to understand his place

   I’m disappointed in T. Coddington. He neglected to include the lovely and talented Mrs. Malkin in his list of Republican ailments. It is her conservative voice, in addition to Rush’s, that has provided me with much inspiration for lo’ these past few years.

10. #10
    On March 5th, 2009 at 1:25 pm, lottadawg said:

    Of course! A national treasure! Steady she goes!

11. #11
    On March 5th, 2009 at 1:31 pm, Ed Mahmoud abu al-Kahoul said:

    Iowahawk rocks!

12. #12
    On March 5th, 2009 at 1:38 pm, rotarymunkey said:

    Van Voorhees VII for President!

13. #13
    On March 5th, 2009 at 1:45 pm, sonofdy said:

    Rosie needs medication. And a diet.

14. #14
    On March 5th, 2009 at 1:50 pm, Brian72 said:

    Iowahawk is the best. That guy is really something else!

    I also recommend The Idiossey: Adventures of Obamacles

    Several installments of David Burge ’08, filled with his Mortgage and housing market expertise, such as Mr. Burge managing his house debt by keeping his somewhat portly female loan officer at the local bank tanked up on muai thais at the local Applebee’s bar.

    Then there was my personal favorite, the guest political analysis by Hugh Hewitt during the primary season.

    In My Objective Opinion

    Iowahawk Guest Political Analysis
    By Hugh Hewitt

    In the annals of American history there are but a handful of defining, epochal speeches.

    Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

    Roosevelt’s stirring Inaugural reassurance that “all we have to fear is fear Itself.”

    Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream.”

    Cleveland Indians Manager Eric Wedge’s “Nice Game guys” locker room remarks following the Tribe’s unforgettable 3-1 triumph over the Yankees in the 2007 American League Division Series.

    And now: Mitt Romney’s magnificent, soaring, Olympian speech yesterday at the Bush Library.

    Without question, The Speech is destined to enter the pantheon of the defining moments of our time; for in it, we lucky mortals were witness to what was inarguably the finest distillation of passion and and brains and square-jawed herculean glory of this or any other age; an achievement of such blinding white TelePromted perfection that, in 15 heart-pounding minutes, eclipsed every previous achievement of the human race, combined, and those who cannot admit this simple axiomatic truth are clearly soulless and/or deranged.

    Forgive them Mitt, for they know not what they do.

    The stakes were very high, and many in Romney’s inner circle advised against the address. It was two out in the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded, with the Americans of Faith trailing the Liberal Media Elites 3-0. All looked lost, but from the dugout strode a titanic figure, swinging a 40-ounce Louisville Slugger.

    And now-wow-wow, ladies and gentlemen-en-en-en, coming to bat-at-at for the Faithful-ul-ul, Mitt-itt-itt the Slugger-er-er Romney-y-y!

    Aaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    As he sidled up slowly to the podium and dug in the speaker’s box, a grim look of determination overtook the beaming white smile on his rugged face. His fearless eyes burrowed into the Elite pitcher’s video lens, as if inviting him to throw high and inside. The crowd went silent, in tense anticipation.

    Suddenly Mitt stepped out of the box, smiled, and pointed his bat ominously at the 468 foot wall in deep Right-Center.

    Then came the TelePrompter windup, and the Elite Lefty pitcher kicked up his leg and let go with a murderous 98 mph religious bias fastball that would have sent his lesser teammates — like Yogi Giuliani, or Babe Thompson, or Daffy McCain, or Shoeless Mike Huckabee — diving for the dirt.

    But not Romney.

    He coiled, like some sort of beautiful electric cobra panther, and swung around with a magnificent sweep of oratorical perfection that met the bias with a mighty CRACK, sending it backbackbackback…

    Romney homers! Romney homers! He’s circling the bases and the crowd is going wild!

    Haaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh Raaaaaaahhhhhh Raaaaaaaahhhh

    DadaDAHHH Dat dat daaaaa Dee dee dee duh

    Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh the crowd goes wild raaaaaaaahhhh

    Shhhpllock flashflashflash the fireworks and cameras are going off haaaaaaaaaaahhhhh ROM-NEY ROM-NEY ROM-NEY

    He’s coming out of the dugout for a curtain call!

    Raaaaaaaahhhh rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaahhhh

    What’s this? He’s going over to the outfield wall and shaking hands with the fan who caught it!

    Raaaaaaaahhhh rahhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaahhhh

    Folks this is unbelievable! The fan who caught it is radio host Hugh Hewitt!

    Haaaa raaaaaaaaahhhhhh ROM-NEY ROM-NEY

    That one is an all time classic!

    Beautiful electric cobra-panther. That phrase has been seared, seared in to my memory.

15. #15
    On March 5th, 2009 at 1:53 pm, rfjjulie said:

    It appears the worm is turning. (Ever so slowly)

16. #16
    On March 5th, 2009 at 1:55 pm, wighttrasch said:

    where chief of staff Rahm Emanuel entertained us with some droll tales of his days as terpsichorean with the Mossad ballet auxiliary

    I love it. Must use it in daily conversation.

17. #17
    On March 5th, 2009 at 1:56 pm, sonofdy said:

    http://www.pollingreport.com/obama_job.htm#Graphic

    The trend is clear and not good for obamas zombies…

    (cue chap)

18. #18
    On March 5th, 2009 at 1:57 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    You don’t have to be Jewish to spot a self-hater when it gets this bad…

    You also don’t need to be Einstein to spot stupid people.

19. #19
    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:01 pm, Brian72 said:

    I was among those pundits who also thought that such a speech could not possibly work in the fractured media environment of today, especially given the spitballs and brushback pitches and sharpened spikes aimed at Americans of faith by a secularist-dominated Godless Manhattan-Beltway media elite. How could I have doubted? Had I not been in the very presence of the of Colossus of Boston, and witnessed the silvery radiance of His divinely-barbered temples? Had I not seen His works at the Utah Olympics? Yet still I was weak, and shaken in my faith. As His miraculous home run arced skyward, hoist aloft by a host of cherubim, exploding like the big bang on the CNN Headline News crawl, I trembled with awe and the burning shame of my own questioning. I went to the garage and beat myself ritually with the garden hose in penance that I would once more be worthy of His one true Romneyhood.

    And of course in all but the most jaded, iconoclastic or stupid eyes, he carried it off magnificently.

    Here’s the objective measure: When was the last time that Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michael Medved, Fred Barnes, Charles Krauthammer and me all focused on the same subject and all agreed on the merits? It is literally impossible to imagine a more wildly diversified group of 50-something Republican pundits. Even in our most agreeable moments we are endlessly roiled in rancorous disagreements on everything, from the NFL replay rule to the merits of the Four-In-Hand versus the Windsor knot, yet here we spoke with one unanimous, harmonious voice:

    Rush Limbaugh: “Pretty good speech. I think it will help him.”

    Sean Hannity: “I didn’t see it myself, but Lee Greenwood told me it was nice.”

    Michael Medved: “I think it probably helps Romney with Evangelicals.”

    Fred Barnes: “I’d venture Romney will probably pick up 2 to 4 points in the next Iowa poll.”

    Charles Krauthammer: “He certainly didn’t hurt himself.”

    Me: “As the magnificence of His words burst forth, I fell to my very knees and wept with utter overwhelming joy; not just for me, but for the entire human race.”

    There you have it: every single pundit whose voice actually matters has joined me in being swept into the rapturous epiphany that any unbiased, objective review of Romney’s unforgettable words will induce. I will give a more detailed objective review of The Speech in next month’s issue of Mitt Beat magazine, along with an exclusive interview with Mitt where he reveals his favorite foods, secret heartbreaks, and what he looks for in a dream pundit. Plus a giant pull-out Mitt poster!

    MITTBEAT MAGAZINE!!!! Oh crap, I’m compulsively laughing to tears!

20. #20
    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:05 pm, sambo said:

    sonofdy said:
    http://www.pollingreport.com/obama_job.htm#Graphic

    The trend is clear and not good for obamas zombies…

    Kinda looks like a phallic symbol…Hope Chrissy Matthews doesn’t see it.

21. #21
    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:07 pm, FilmLadd said:

    First, we kill all the t.v. pundits.

22. #22
    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:11 pm, wighttrasch said:

    Film Ladd–awesome homage to Shakespeare.

23. #23
    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:22 pm, Dave Turson said:

    Iowahawk:
    

    I hosted a veritable murderer’s row of top tory thinkers to diagnose the troubles with conservatism. Dame Peggy Noonan was there, of course, along with Kathleen Parker, Douglas Kmiec, and those two mighty Davids of conservative intellect, Brooks and Frum. … Where Jindal offers mere disappointment, the crystal set “dee jay” buffoon Rush Limbaugh by contrast offers a horrifying one-stop object lesson in all that ails Republicanism: the embarrassing bombast and boosterism, the cheap anti-intellectual sophistry, the complete failure to understand his place.

    David Frum on Rush Limbaugh:

    A man who is aggressive and bombastic, cutting and sarcastic, who dismisses the concerned citizens in network news focus groups as “losers.” With his private plane and his cigars, his history of drug dependency and his personal bulk, not to mention his tangled marital history, Rush is a walking stereotype of self-indulgence – exactly the image that Barack Obama most wants to affix to our philosophy and our party. And we’re cooperating! Those images of crowds of CPACers cheering Rush’s every rancorous word – we’ll be seeing them rebroadcast for a long time. …He plays an important role in our coalition, and of course he and his supporters have to be treated with respect. But he cannot be allowed to be the public face of the enterprise – and we have to find ways of assuring the public that he is just one Republican voice among many, and very far from the most important.

24. #24
    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:26 pm, John Deaux said:

    On March 5th, 2009 at 1:56 pm, sonofdy said:
    http://www.pollingreport.com/obama_job.htm#Graphic

    The trend is clear and not good for obamas zombies…

    During the same period, the Dow has dropped by 19.82 percent.

    See, the stock market losses can’t be because of Obama because otherwise his approval would have dropped at the same rate. It’s all because of Bush/Limbaugh/Joe the Plumber!

    /lgm

25. #25
    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:30 pm, FilmLadd said:

    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:11 pm, wighttrasch said:

    Film Ladd–awesome homage to Shakespeare.

    Thanks! But it was also a “note to self.”

    

26. #26
    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:48 pm, Joy said:

    MITTBEAT MAGAZINE!!!!

    I subscribe to that.

27. #27
    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:48 pm, cheapseat said:

    note to david frumm; “go f yourself, you blovating jerk.” limbaugh speaks for 20 million people each and every day. you speak for who? the three rinos in the senate and the 25 remaining rinos living north east of virginia. eat crap and die you turkey.

28. #28
    On March 5th, 2009 at 2:52 pm, emjem24 said:

    The liberals, and that includes the inside the beltway types playing at conservatism, may steer our country off course or, for that matter, off a cliff, but they can never take away our sense of humor or witty sarcasm.

    The truth stinks for these phonies. Too bad, so sad. Now pour me another martini while the SS America goes down. At least we’ll be drunk and happy for about a moment, right?

29. #29
    On March 5th, 2009 at 3:03 pm, emjem24 said:

    But he cannot be allowed to be the public face of the enterprise – and we have to find ways of assuring the public that he is just one Republican voice among many, and very far from the most important.

    Frum has no guts at all, like most of these Beltway pseudo-conservatives. They just pantomine and gesture to their new political masters while shooting off verbal darts at people who challenge them like Rush. Frum and others like him are lying to themselves if they think that their “view” is all that important to conservatives.

    Frum and his Beltway Buffoons are not only the biggest hypocrites they’re the worst collaborators.

30. #30
    On March 5th, 2009 at 3:41 pm, mike.musculus said:

    eeepppp!

    That sounds like me!

    I do have an excuse:
    I learned my speech patterns at my Dad’s knee, he taught me to read & write.
    And when he taught me to read used 4 sets of books:
    (1) the Scriptures
    (2) the writings of The Founding Fathers
    (3) Shakespeare
    (4) Brittannica

    Oh, and, everyone in my Dad’s house (prior to StepMom) sounded the same…
    We thought nothing of it…
    I find myself distressed…

    Erch! I think I’ll go do more out-processing…
    Final Out next Monday!

31. #31
    On March 5th, 2009 at 3:56 pm, Paul Revere said:

    Like fish in a barrel!

32. #32
    On March 5th, 2009 at 4:31 pm, Paul Revere said:

    The funny thing is I can see Frum, Noonon, Parker, et. al scratching their heads after reading this.

33. #33
    On March 5th, 2009 at 9:54 pm, dddave said:

    Kloonkie Von Wallensheim!

    Can’t….Breathe….Laughing….Till….Hurts!

    Bravo T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII

34. #34
    On March 6th, 2009 at 1:27 am, wearybookwormis said:

    Who among our brave intelligentsia will step into the always perilous breech, to save this country from it’s own unwashed masses?

    Pesky m!

35. #35
    On March 6th, 2009 at 9:29 am, Pessimist said:

    Does anyone know who this guy really is? I swear he just keeps getting better and better!

36. #36
    On March 6th, 2009 at 9:58 pm, beenthere said:

    This piece is actually a lampoon of the lame and pathetic “Christo” Buckley, not the lame and pathetic David Brooks. Christo’s writing is unbelievably tired — he seems to be unable to distinguish between droll and drool. More’s the pity, I suppose. He was one of the first to say, vote for McCain, yes, he’s the real deal. Then as soon as Obama clinched the nomination, announced no, actually it would be much better to vote for Obama. There is, he was sure, a small government conservative in there somewhere. And, of course, Maobama didn’t have Palin anywhere near him.

    Kathleen Parker adores “Christo” — which pretty much tells you all you need to know.

37. #37
    On March 6th, 2009 at 10:50 pm, Floyd R. Turbo said:

    I’m with dddave, still laughing, can’t breathe.

    T. Coddington’s line about The Biden:

    Joe Biden, who put on a fine display of his famed wit and penchant for unpredictable cerebral infarctions.

    Couldn’t possibly have described our new VP any more succinctly. In fact, it so well describes his foot-in-mouth penchant. Absolutely LOVED IT. Really, the whole thing was marvelously done. I do appreciate his literary ability. I’m envious. Bravo!

38. #38
    On March 6th, 2009 at 10:51 pm, Floyd R. Turbo said:

    In fact, that so well describes why, when Joe speaks, Joe MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE, AT ALL. EVER.