On August 17th, 2009 at 8:55 am, Hulka said:

Send_Me: “Sure, was ol’ Screwtape whispering lies and half-truths into his Host’s ear? Absolutely, but does it remove the element of choice?”

Yes. . .the fact he took his own life proves it.
As a few have said so eloquently, you don’t know what his suffering was and to what level, but clearly it became unbearable, beyond his ability to cope and suicide was the only option for him. There was no choice in his mind.

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

GladzKravtz said:
emjem24, your words touch me. You are for some reason choosing not to leave this world. Do you realize the great amount of strength you actually have?? You may be going through this (now or in past) for a reason and it may be to help others. Consider your strength, it’s origin, and then consider helping others learn to obtain or acknowledge the strength you have. Thank you for sticking with it and thank your husband for serving.

Thank you, Gladyz. I don’t often speak of depression and what I’m going through because it’s a personal experience and a painful one. I’ve tried both medication and therapy and discussed my experiences with others on this blog. I would like to say that I have found a way to live with depression but I would be lying to you and kidding myself.

Many who suffer from mental illness are ashamed (I’ve felt this) and feel no one understands. I sought help in my 20′s but it was a bittersweet kind of solution. No one kind of medication or therapy works for everyone. I made this discovery as I sought help.

Many who suffer from mental illness feel alone. We are encouraged to deal with past traumas and issues and are often told that we are weak or our problems aren’t real by our own family and friends. This is the side effect of mental illness no one talks about.

As I write this, I fight back tears. Maj. Galloway, being the proud military man he was, probably did not want to burden his family with what he saw as a weakness. He didn’t want to feel that stigma. In the end, he unconsciously will leave a lifetime of questions and pain behind.

I want to know the answers to those questions. I want to know that I can live life without feeling that I’m barely holding on to the tendrils of sanity and lucidity. However, as I write this, I still struggle to find purpose and meaning in my life.

Mental illness and its forms like depression steal lives and dreams. I feel like I’ve lost as much as I’ve gained through my struggle. I would like to have a child but wonder if they will inherit the silent, painful hell that is depression. That would gut me if that happened.

So, I am left with more questions than answers as is Maj. Galloway’s family. Perhaps, in the end, his life and example will be a “teachable moment” that even strong men like Maj. Galloway are fallible and battle personal demons. And sometimes, those demons overtake us.

figgles said:

@emjem24; my lack of sympathy is for the successful suicider; there’s nothing in what I wrote to justify your odd conflation. if my anti-suicide bias prevents enlistment, then we have greater problems than my question. I’m confident our military isn’t such milquetoast, however.

You see what you only want to see. Deployments put a lot of pressure on military members, their families, and their units. Some military members cannot handle the mental stress. Does that make them “milquetoast?”

Of course we should compassionately address the mental health issues that attend suicide; of course we should also embrace make a clear message; “suicide is wrong.” It’s possible to do both. I can’t believe I have to make this point to a conservative blog.

No matter the ad campaigns one can make to prevent suicide, there will be people, in all age groups, who will still attempt and succeed at taking their own lives. No one knows why. We need to better research why this is the case and how to reach those who can’t step back from the abyss.

You can say all you want how “suicide is wrong.” There is such societal denial and lack of awareness about mental health issues like suicide. There is a stigma against depression in and out of the militaary. I recently told my parents I’d been battling depression since adolescence. You know what they told me: “You don’t need to take that medication. You’ll feel better without it.”

Do you know what it’s like to hear your own family deny to both you and themselves that depression is real and constant? I sought support and understanding from people I thought could offer it and found the mental health stigma very real and disheartening. Is it no less so for our troops?

Turn this around; what if some had murdered a husband, father of 3 and war hero? Suicide isn’t murder; they only share a body count.

This isn’t about murder or abortion. For you to reduce suicide to a moral equivalency argument reflects your own denial and acceptance of the stigma that revolves around mental health issues. Our military members have given everything to our country, their hearts, souls, and even very lives, and that they’re not returning whole and in total control of their faculties is a continuing trend. My husband is seeing this as are a lot of other folks in the military.

I don’t understand your hostility toward people who are in PAIN. That they are having difficulty dealing with that pain and are worried about the stigma of meeting your label of “milquetoast” is a huge confirmation that there is still a lot work ahead to understand mental illness, depression, and PTSD.

Maj. Galloway is no murderer or no less a hero because he was at the mercy of a mental illness that slowly consumed him. That you want to attach certain stereotypes to his actions or seem him as weak because he didn’t return to his family the same person is really saddening.

While I understand your attitude it does not mean it’s right or even the kind of reaction mental illness should be treated to. You cannot tough out mental illness with cold turkey techniques like smoking. My parents treated me with these kind of suggestions which do nothing but make mental illness sufferers treat the outside world with an insular kind of fear.

Yes. . .the fact he took his own life proves it.

As a few have said so eloquently, you don’t know what his suffering was and to what level, but clearly it became unbearable, beyond his ability to cope and suicide was the only option for him. There was no choice in his mind.

My sister when growing up attempted suicide but was discovered in time and lived. Her belief was she was doing what was right and best for our family. She has since fought successfully against the demons that still knock at the door from time to time, she carries on.

I will not judge the man harshly.

I will pray for him and his children.

Consider your strength, it’s origin, and then consider helping others learn to obtain or acknowledge the strength LIKE you have

emjem24…but you probably knew what I meant. Take care.

Of course we should compassionately address the mental health issues that attend suicide; of course we should also embrace make a clear message; “suicide is wrong.” It’s possible to do both. I can’t believe I have to make this point to a conservative blog.

Turn this around; what if some had murdered a husband, father of 3 and war hero? Suicide isn’t murder; they only share a body count.

Send_Me said:

1. How is suicide not a form of murder? How do you define murder?

Now, hear me…. slowly… it’s.not.murder. Murder is someone taking another’s life unless you now want to redo how it’s defined by the legal system.

2. Is suicide not a choice? If not cowardly, then what would you call it? Taking the life of a human being is not amoral, which means that the act is either moral or immoral. Which would you call it? Please do not confuse complexity, or perceived complexity, regarding such issues as an excuse for saying “it is what it is”. Such a statement is nonsensical.

Suicide, in my estimation, is a choice of last resort by people who feel like they’re slowly drowning. That’s what it feels like. Human beings make tons of choices and morality does not enter into suicide. Suicide is beyond rationalizations like yours or anybody elses. If you cared to read the FA blog you’d realize nobody was “rationalizing” or looking for reasons for Maj. Galloway’s suicide. The only person who’d know that would be Maj. Galloway, not you, me, or anybody else. There are a ton of reasons why people commit suicide but at the end of the day, when somebody reaches that point, there are no complexities, no boxes to cross out. I am not making excuses for Maj. Galloway, I am simply asking that we take into account his recent deployment, stresses on his marriage, and his mental state. When you’re deeply depressed or suffering from some sort of psychosis, no complexity enters into whether or not suicide occurs. For some it is instantaneous, and for others, it’s a process.

3. I’ll let you read my previous post, which should explain my ability to have legitimate standing in this discussion.

You, or anybody else, do not have any idea what was going through Maj. Galloway’s mind. You may have dealt with the investigation of a suicide and its nasty aftereffects but you are by no means a forensic psychologist. I feel for this man’s family and his wife and children and wish somebody could have penetrated the deep hopelessness or psychosis he obviously suffered. He felt like he was better off dead for some reason and it had more to do with him than his family, wife, and kids.

And, before you and anybody else lectures me on the ethical scope of suicide, I have probably more insight into suicide and depression than you do. I have a history of depression in my family and tried to commit suicide multiple times as a teenager. I’ve battled depression for the last 10 years and have had these thoughts.

You have no idea what that deep well of hopelessness and despair feel like unless you’ve personally faced it or spoken to someone who has. I will not judge Maj. Galloway because I almost went down the same road. Ending your life via suicide isn’t a selfish act. In many cases, those who commit suicide think, in their psychosis, that their family is better off without them. That the world will be better off without them.

I’ve reevaluated a lot in my life such as why I’m here and why I was put on this planet. I have a husband in the military who has been nothing but encouraging and supportive of me getting help though therapy and medication. I’ve also had a particularly difficult year with family difficulties, a loved one dying from cancer, and a military move, and I often struggle to make the best of every day I have.

Perhaps, if Maj. Galloway had known he wasn’t the only one in his particular situation, we would have had a different outcome. Who is to say? Definitely not you and certainly not me.

Perhaps, you should talk to those who suffer from mental illness or who have attempted suicide and you’ll get a better idea what suicide involves. There’s no rational or selfish though that enters into it. Suicide doesn’t involve anything but the relief of someone’s psychic pain. I’ve felt it and I still do.

I’m sure you won’t understand. That’s why suicide is still a huge problem both in and out of the military.

On August 15th, 2009 at 9:19 pm, emjem24 said:
Suicide is not murder nor is is it a cowardly act. How can you be so judgemental when you’ve never experienced a mental health issue or had somebody you know experience it?

1. How is suicide not a form of murder? How do you define murder?
2. Is suicide not a choice? If not cowardly, then what would you call it? Taking the life of a human being is not amoral, which means that the act is either moral or immoral. Which would you call it? Please do not confuse complexity, or perceived complexity, regarding such issues as an excuse for saying “it is what it is”. Such a statement is nonsensical.
3. I’ll let you read my previous post, which should explain my ability to have legitimate standing in this discussion.

figgles said:
I can’t figure this out. He served our country bravely and my admiration for all whom do so continues. However, he took his own life. He left a wife and 3 kids behind. Suicide is murder. Why are we memorializing this cowardly act?

You probably can’t figure it out because you don’t know what it’s like to have PTSD, or clinical depression. There are lot of talented, bright people, in the military and not, that are going through this right now.

Suicide is not murder nor is is it a cowardly act. How can you be so judgemental when you’ve never experienced a mental health issue or had somebody you know experience it? I don’t get your attitude at all.

Sometimes these men and women go through hell in Iraq and Afghanistan and return back to the US never the same. It isn’t a sign of cowardice to have a mental illness. Depression is a disease, a chronic one, that needs just as much recognition and support as any other.

Your lack of sympathy is what’s pushing so many military members not to seek help and support.

The following words by Maj. Galloway’s wife trully crystalized what I’ve been feeling about both the military and my biological family:

Once an Army Wife, always a Army wife Chris used to say and he is right. Your Army/ military family is often closer to you than your biological family. They “get it”.

I feel much closer to my military family and friends than I do my own parents, in-laws, and friends. They don’t understand the constant fear I live in and the ever gripping vigilance a lot of us military spouses have.

What a lot of people don’t realize is that a lot of military spouses are going through hell as well. There are a lot of us, like me, who are fighting depression and other mental health disorders while our military husands/wives don’t know what to do for us. We try to look out for one another but with the constant pace of change in the military, you lose touch sometimes.

There’s a lot of fear right now in the military about the stigma of mental health counseling. I’ve seen it. Tricare and the military healthcare system still doesn’t know how to deal with either military or military family mental health issues. They just don’t. No matter how positive the Army makes their reaction to the situation, they’re obviously not reaching everybody and either treating warning signs lightly or not at all.

I wouldn’t even begin to say that I know what was going through Maj. Gallloway’s head. I do know what it’s like to feel the deep, knawing hopelessness that even your own military spouse can’t penetrate. Mrs. Galloway tried to get her husband help and in the end she couldn’t penetrate that hopelessness. Maybe nobody could.

Knowing what I know of the VA support (my niece was in the AF and is suicidal, just not successful yet – thank God.) The wait to see a doctor or be admitted or to get any help is so long, the funeral would long be over before they called to schedule.

figgles – shut up. you have not experienced what these soldiers have experienced. You obviously have no human compassion for their pain. Next time you read or hear of one of these tragedies, just STFU.

My wifes Uncle committed suicide 10 days ago.

Older than the good Major, but no less troubled. The hole left in everyone when a family member chooses this path is deep and lasting.

If anyone knows someone who is troubled and you might think they are in danger of committing suicide, encourage them to get help. Even if it is difficult or uncomfortable, the alternative is much worse.

attempt to marginalize what I’m saying as “cold” or “untouched by suicide”,

Send_Me, those who have been left behind and those who live with the ones left behind, Know.
Pray for this soldier’s family.