Let’s make a holiday gift guide for New York Times executives

Yesterday, the sanctimonious liberal elites at the New York Times publishes a separate but equal gift guide for people “of color.”
It began: “Somali fashion, do-it-yourself henna kits, children’s books that draw inspiration from the lives of Barack Obama and Sonia Sotomayor: it’s not hard to find gifts created for and by people of color this holiday season. Here are some possibilities.”
Mary Katharine Ham rightly took the p.c. zealots to task: “Actually, some of the gifts are nice, but they’d be nice for any number of New York Times readers, not just for their minority readers. For instance, a Barack Obama children’s book could likely be enjoyed by white liberals as much as by black people. I know I may blow the New York Times’ mind, here, but there are also black conservatives who might not appreciate it. Imagine that! White folks could, and even would, buy nail polish created by people of color. The designs of Somali twins Ayaan and Idyl Mohallim look lovely for people of all hues. And, so we reach the ironic pinnacle of the liberal sophisticate’s compulsive striving for ‘diversity.’ I believe it was Martin Luther King Jr. who famously said we should buy each other presents, based not on the content of our character, but the color of our skin.”
Heh. Mockery is always the best medicine. I say we take it a step further and come up with a holiday gift guide for New York Times executives — a “practice diversity as we say, not as we do” bunch that exhibits as much racial diversity as it does ideological diversity. Which is to say: Little to none. What’s that handy adjective person of pallor Chris Matthews used? Oh, yeah: Monochromatic.
Behold the NYT board of directors:

(FYI: The NYTimes editorial board is similarly complected.)
I propose the first gift:
And a second:

Live by racial bean-counting, die by racial bean-counting.
Ho, ho, ho!
***
On a related note from Ken Shepherd at Newsbusters: “Joan Walsh: Olbermann Needs More Diverse Guests, Michelle Malkin Need Not Apply.”
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Categories: Diversity,New York Times
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It’s impossible to parody these people anymore.
For Pinch Sulzberg:
Capitalism and Freedom, by Milton Friedman.
Read it, Pinch, and maybe you’ll get a clue as to why your newspaper is swirling around bankruptcy like a turd in a toilet.
Newspapers aren’t actually doomed, Pinch, particularly with the Nook and Kindle becoming popular. The trick is, you have to actually sell the MAJORITY of people what they want to buy, and not just your liberal friends.
Read the book, Pinch. There’s a good analogy using a simple wooden pencil. I’m sure you’ll be able to follow it…
I agree with MKH; didn’t see anything on the “blacks only” list that wouldn’t necessarily appeal to people of other races, or for that matter, might not appeal to all blacks.
As for the guide to gifts for whites only, I propose a complete collection of Jeff Foxworthy DVD’s and/or books. He is funny, intelligent and has recalimed the word “redneck” from those who would use it as an insult against their political opponents (if he represents what a “redneck” really is, that should be taken as a compliment).
But, again, I tend to think his comedy and insights cross the racial divide.
Oopsies: “recalimed” = “reclaimed”.
Isn’t that when a redneck owns up to a methane emission ? A reek claim ?
On December 10th, 2009 at 1:49 pm, RTater said:
Isn’t that when a redneck owns up to a methane emission ? A reek claim ?
————————————–
LOL.
“If you’ve ever stared at a can of frozen orange juice because the label said ‘concentrate’, you might be a redneck.”
Give them all a Vanilla Ice CD.
Accompany it with Jim Carey’s, In Living Color, parody, “He’s White, White Baby.”
The men on the list could always use a new pair of black wing-tip shoes for next summer’s frolics on the beach. A tasteful pair of white athletic socks would accessorize perfectly.
Gosh.. They are just so.. so… white…
I’ve got an old LP by Pete Townsend, “White City.” I wonder if I can recommend it as a gift idea to the Times? It’d make a perfect compliment to Michelle’s album choice above…
Or how about some of those T-shirts that some Indian school came up with, featuring the “Fighting Whiteys” mascot? Heck, I’d buy one of those.
How about a tanning booth to hide their whiteness? Or at least some Neutrogena Instant Bronze Sunless Tanner as a cheaper option.
I’ll call Ritz-Carlton, and see if they have any openings at “camp” for their kids. Nothing like a camping experience to get a liberal in touch with the great outdoors. Ok, not “outdoors” as such – an atrium.
I like Eminem, oops! Darn, I always pick white! I’m such a racist!
Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9qYF9DZPdw
“What Color is my Passport?” and “I Don’t Test Well” ?
Purely in the interest of racial diversity, I’ll ask Santa Clause to bring me a Black Gun for Christmas.
White chocolate truffles, Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm.
Glazed turds? mmmm mmmm mmmmnnnnffffttt
here you go.
Tampons. Now you can be white, tight & outtasight!
Oh no you di’nt!
For white men, a box of trojan magnums to make them feel less self-conscious about racial stereotypes.
Sounds like the NY Times needs Sensitivity Training.
Got anything in an XL?
Rogue, Mrcakes has a whole lot unopened. XXLT
XL’s are 9.5 inches long, so unless your a porn star or recently had surgery, no one needs them that long.
WHAT, WE HAVE A NUMBER OF JEWS ON OUR BOARD, AREN’T THEY STILL MINORITIES. SOME STILL CAN’T GET INTO WASP COUNTRY CLUBS! DON’T WE GET CREDIT FOR TOKEN JEWS, THAT’S RACIST.
I think jews, because they are typically a successful bunch, are part of the problem in terms of the fight for economic justice that the Communist-in-chied, I mean, Commander-in-chief and his supporters often mention.
Self-centered executives wear the ribbed condoms inside-out, for their own pleasure.
No, they just tell their partners that condoms are too tight and uncomfortable to wear. Okay, that is my last condom reference because I don’t want MM to ban me from the site.
FWIW, the outfits designed by the Mohallim twins look like the kind of clothes that would get a typical Somali woman stoned if worn in that country.
As long as it is paid for by Obama’s Stash and what spaceycakes said.
====
tre : My daughter’s Gals with Guns group got XDs in PINK. Officially it is to show solidarity-women need to protect themselves. Actually there is NO WAY IN THE WORLD their husbands or sons are going to borrow a PINK PISTOL.
But I think Santa’s Helper is on the way to tre’s house. Make sure the chimney flu is open.
Beside of the bad economy, what about a list of all companies that support affirmative action hiring practices so that white people don’t waste their time applying for jobs at companies they know won’t hire them?
Or Christmas sweaters with the phrase “Blame Whitey” on the backs.
By the way, I am sitting here looking closely at the colour of my skin, and it is more of a pinkish or slightly reddish colour than white.
What race of people do I belong to?
What about a book entitled “10 ways to combat your going postal urges this holiday season”. Because we all know white people are the ones that typically shoot their co-workers when they get over-stressed.
I’m Rinso White!
Should I be full of self-hate, or should I blame my Scots-Irish blue-eyed parents?
Don’t you mean WINO? To mean White in name only.
I live in a community of 600,000 people and the majority of them are either Black, Indian/Pakistani or Chinese. However, my country – Canada, is majority white. So, my question is, do I qualify as a minority because my immediate surroundings make me a statistical minority, or do I not qualify because my greater surroundings qualify me as a majority.
Just wondering, because I never know whether to apply for job openings that state “we encourage applications from members of visible minorities”.
http://www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com
Actually, this site is quite a good read. It’s sort of comforting to find a place where you don’t have to worry about diversity. Like watching “Mad Men”. LOL
spacey, I see you are on Facebook. Care to be friends with me?
Or perhaps a collection of Al Jolsen movies to take to the White House Christmas party.
How come no one has mentioned fruit cake?
Wait a minute, my bad. I think the term ‘fruit cake’ might qualify as hate speech.
Lily white.
How about some luxurious Stearns and Foster ivory bed sheets? Or a Collector’s Edition DVD of Birth of a Nation? But don’t do both. I repeat: do. Not. Do. Both.
On second thought, Birth of a Nation may not be a good idea for some of them; they might take it the wrong way. Never mind. Just the sheets.
On third thought, they probably wouldn’t like the sheets, either. Forget it.
Re: what 123upnorth said on December 10th, 2009 at 2:40 pm—I’m offended that you would go after the physical shortcomings of a particular group of people. Expect a call from the ACLU in a, uh, little bit.
Archie Bunker (opens door on Christmas Eve to see a black Santa Claus standing there):
“Who the he@@ are you?”
Charter Arms also makes a Pink Lady revolver.
Somehow, I just can’t quite picture Dirty Harry,Mike Hammer, or Sam Spade whipping one of those out.
Who shoots their non-working cos? To shoot your co-workers you DO have to have a job-not that I said WORK.
Damn-off to the sensitivity class again.
But for those of you interested
Gifts for grandpa, just a little something he might enjoy.
Why is that? Do the horses get hurt?
This is simply the number of people waiting in line for an x-ray, not the actual number living in your community.
Az–
snort! HAHAhAA
The Beatles “WHITE” Album…
BTW, “Gift” in German means poison.
As a effing Haole here in Hawaii, I am treated as the repressive majority, despite being the only person of Celtic origin on my street.
Hangfire: you shall henceforth be to blame for beer and melancholy.
And singing when drunk.
Which do you think it is? (hint) I have a mustache.
is that 9.5 at rest?
I’m surprised Michelle Malkin didn’t mention this..
Do ya like ’70s funk too?
Hi, Jeff!
Who doesn’t like ’70s funk?
Hi, Pure…
I was thinking in terms of the rarely seen sequel, Birth of a Nation II: Attack of the Zionists.
You guys need to think beyond the obvious:
Full (partial) List of Stuff White People Like
March 4, 2008 by clander
#129 Banksy
#128 Camping
#127 Where the Wild Things Are
#126 Vespa Scooters (check!)
#125 Bob Marley
#124 Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy
#123 Mad Men (triple check!)
#122 Moleskine Notebooks (check!)
#121 Funny or Ironic Tattoos
#120 Taking a Year Off (check!)
#119 Sea Salt
#118 Ugly Sweater Parties
#117 Political Prisoners
#116 Black Music that Black People Don’t Listen to Anymore (check!)
#115 Promising to Learn a New Language
#114 America (check!)
#113 Halloween (check!)
#112 Hummus (only flavored ones)
#111 Pea Coats
#110 Frisbee Sports
#109 The Onion
#108 Appearing to Enjoy Classical Music
#107 Self Aware Hip Hop References (check!)
#106 Facebook (semi-check)
#105 Unpaid Internships (check)
#104 Girls with Bangs
#103 Sweaters
#102 Children’s Games as Adults (check)
#101 Being Offended (?)
#100 Bumper Stickers (check)
#99 Grammar (check)
#98 The Ivy League (check!)
#97 Scarves (double check)
#96 New Balance Shoes (check!)
#95 Rugby
I would just send them lumps of coal. They are very bad people.
The staff of the New York Times is the most monochromatic in the world. Just look at its oped columnists. There is Frank Rich, who can not stop bragging that he went to Harvard. A few weeks ago, Rich was so enthralled with his Harvard diploma that he put a parentheses in the middle of a column and wrote: “Confession. I am a graduate of Harvard College”. Frank Rich actually thinks that the world must know of his years at Hah vud. And then there is Nick Kristof. He brags nonstop that he was an Oregon farmboy who was so brilliant that Harvard came looking for him when he was a mere teenager. Then we come to Tom Friedman. He usually brags that he went to Dartmouth but he will remind you that this is an Ivy League college. You don’t have to ask Mr. Friedman. He will tell you. Then we come to Roger Cohen. He can top his equally liberal colleagues. Cohen brags nonstop that he is an Oxford man and a British man as well. No American he. And there is superannuated Tony Lewis. He wrote over 500 columns devoted to the theme that he went to Harvard. There is one consistent thread in columnists, editors, and often reporters at the Times. They think that they are better than you and me and they want us to know how little they think of us.
Typical white liberals compensating for their guilt for not having any black friends. Helps them sleep better.
Dunno, hasn’t ever rested yet.
Bum chika chika wha wha!
Fisting kits. Lots & lots of fisting kits. And zucchini.
***
Somali Fashion = PIRATE HATS and STOCKING CAPS with eye slots? Aren’t kidnapping and piracy the only “business opportunities” in that benighted country?
***
John Bibb
***
Size 16 shoes.
TRAPPER
(relieved to find another subject) What gives over there?
They look across the compound to the Shower Tent, behind which an Army
truck full of GIs has just pulled up. While Hawkeye and Duke explain
what’s going on to Trapper, and the three of them move in for a closer
look, we see the visiting GIs drop one by one from the rear of the truck,
pay their admission fees and take their places in the line leading up to
the strategically placed peep hole in the rear corner of the tent.
DUKE
Must be Painlees Pole Day in
the Shower Tent.
HAWKEYE
(to Trapper)
You met him. Walt Waldowski, the
Dental Officer.
DUKE
Nice guy, for an enamel surgeon.
TRAPPER
What are they peeking at?
Captain Waldowski in the shower?
HAWKEYE
Part of him. Painless is the
owner and operator of the Pride
of Hamtrack. That’s where he
comes from…Hamtrack, Michigan.
DUKE
Best equipped dentist in the whole
goddam Army. Care to have a look,
a man with your background?
HAWKEYE
Way we hear it, the Pride is
supposed to have run up the highest
lifetime batting average ever
recorded in Wayne County.
23 EXT. SHOWER TENT – DAY
Corporal Judson from Mississippi takes his turn at the peephole. His
speech is that of the rural southern black.
JUDSON
Ah’d purely love to see it angry.
LOL, Rogue. Nice going.
How is it that I have to keep buying mrcakes bigger & bigger shoes???