Let’s make a holiday gift guide for New York Times executives

By Michelle Malkin  •  December 10, 2009 01:35 PM

Yesterday, the sanctimonious liberal elites at the New York Times publishes a separate but equal gift guide for people “of color.”

It began: “Somali fashion, do-it-yourself henna kits, children’s books that draw inspiration from the lives of Barack Obama and Sonia Sotomayor: it’s not hard to find gifts created for and by people of color this holiday season. Here are some possibilities.”

Mary Katharine Ham rightly took the p.c. zealots to task: “Actually, some of the gifts are nice, but they’d be nice for any number of New York Times readers, not just for their minority readers. For instance, a Barack Obama children’s book could likely be enjoyed by white liberals as much as by black people. I know I may blow the New York Times’ mind, here, but there are also black conservatives who might not appreciate it. Imagine that! White folks could, and even would, buy nail polish created by people of color. The designs of Somali twins Ayaan and Idyl Mohallim look lovely for people of all hues. And, so we reach the ironic pinnacle of the liberal sophisticate’s compulsive striving for ‘diversity.’ I believe it was Martin Luther King Jr. who famously said we should buy each other presents, based not on the content of our character, but the color of our skin.”

Heh. Mockery is always the best medicine. I say we take it a step further and come up with a holiday gift guide for New York Times executives — a “practice diversity as we say, not as we do” bunch that exhibits as much racial diversity as it does ideological diversity. Which is to say: Little to none. What’s that handy adjective person of pallor Chris Matthews used? Oh, yeah: Monochromatic.

Behold the NYT board of directors:

(FYI: The NYTimes editorial board is similarly complected.)

I propose the first gift:

And a second:

Live by racial bean-counting, die by racial bean-counting.

Ho, ho, ho!

***

On a related note from Ken Shepherd at Newsbusters: “Joan Walsh: Olbermann Needs More Diverse Guests, Michelle Malkin Need Not Apply.”

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Comments


  1. #1
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:42 pm, Paul Revere said:

    It’s impossible to parody these people anymore.

  2. #2
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:43 pm, RobM1981 said:

    For Pinch Sulzberg:

    Capitalism and Freedom, by Milton Friedman.

    Read it, Pinch, and maybe you’ll get a clue as to why your newspaper is swirling around bankruptcy like a turd in a toilet.

    Newspapers aren’t actually doomed, Pinch, particularly with the Nook and Kindle becoming popular. The trick is, you have to actually sell the MAJORITY of people what they want to buy, and not just your liberal friends.

    Read the book, Pinch. There’s a good analogy using a simple wooden pencil. I’m sure you’ll be able to follow it…

  3. #3
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:45 pm, frostrt said:

    I agree with MKH; didn’t see anything on the “blacks only” list that wouldn’t necessarily appeal to people of other races, or for that matter, might not appeal to all blacks.

    As for the guide to gifts for whites only, I propose a complete collection of Jeff Foxworthy DVD’s and/or books. He is funny, intelligent and has recalimed the word “redneck” from those who would use it as an insult against their political opponents (if he represents what a “redneck” really is, that should be taken as a compliment).

    But, again, I tend to think his comedy and insights cross the racial divide.

  4. #4
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:47 pm, frostrt said:

    Oopsies: “recalimed” = “reclaimed”.

  5. #5
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:49 pm, RTater said:

    Isn’t that when a redneck owns up to a methane emission ? A reek claim ?

  6. #6
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:51 pm, frostrt said:

    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:49 pm, RTater said:
    Isn’t that when a redneck owns up to a methane emission ? A reek claim ?

    ————————————–

    LOL.

    “If you’ve ever stared at a can of frozen orange juice because the label said ‘concentrate’, you might be a redneck.”

  7. #7
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:52 pm, Flyoverman said:

    Give them all a Vanilla Ice CD.

    Accompany it with Jim Carey’s, In Living Color, parody, “He’s White, White Baby.”

  8. #8
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:55 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    The men on the list could always use a new pair of black wing-tip shoes for next summer’s frolics on the beach. A tasteful pair of white athletic socks would accessorize perfectly.

  9. #9
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:55 pm, Dan Lee said:

    Gosh.. They are just so.. so… white…

  10. #10
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:55 pm, Regulus said:

    I’ve got an old LP by Pete Townsend, “White City.” I wonder if I can recommend it as a gift idea to the Times? It’d make a perfect compliment to Michelle’s album choice above…

  11. #11
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:57 pm, Regulus said:

    Or how about some of those T-shirts that some Indian school came up with, featuring the “Fighting Whiteys” mascot? Heck, I’d buy one of those.

  12. #12
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:58 pm, jsr said:

    How about a tanning booth to hide their whiteness? Or at least some Neutrogena Instant Bronze Sunless Tanner as a cheaper option.

  13. #13
    On December 10th, 2009 at 1:58 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    I’ll call Ritz-Carlton, and see if they have any openings at “camp” for their kids. Nothing like a camping experience to get a liberal in touch with the great outdoors. Ok, not “outdoors” as such – an atrium.

  14. #14
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:01 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    I like Eminem, oops! Darn, I always pick white! I’m such a racist!

  15. #15
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:07 pm, battleaxe said:

    Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy”:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9qYF9DZPdw

  16. #16
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:07 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    children’s books that draw inspiration from the lives of Barack Obama and Sonia Sotomayor

    “What Color is my Passport?” and “I Don’t Test Well” ?

  17. #17
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:07 pm, tre said:

    Purely in the interest of racial diversity, I’ll ask Santa Clause to bring me a Black Gun for Christmas.

  18. #18
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:09 pm, flmom said:

    White chocolate truffles, Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm.

  19. #19
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:10 pm, tarpon said:

    Glazed turds? mmmm mmmm mmmmnnnnffffttt

  20. #20
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:20 pm, Misscheryl said:
  21. #21
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:29 pm, spaceycakes said:

    Tampons. Now you can be white, tight & outtasight!

  22. #22
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:40 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:29 pm, spaceycakes said:

    Oh no you di’nt! :shock:

  23. #23
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:40 pm, 123upnorth said:

    For white men, a box of trojan magnums to make them feel less self-conscious about racial stereotypes.

  24. #24
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:41 pm, Darwin Akbar said:

    Sounds like the NY Times needs Sensitivity Training.

  25. #25
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:41 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:40 pm, 123upnorth said:
    For white men, a box of trojan magnums to make them feel less self-conscious about racial stereotypes.

    Got anything in an XL?

  26. #26
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm, spaceycakes said:

    Rogue, Mrcakes has a whole lot unopened. XXLT

  27. #27
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm, 123upnorth said:

    XL’s are 9.5 inches long, so unless your a porn star or recently had surgery, no one needs them that long.

  28. #28
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:45 pm, cheapseat said:

    WHAT, WE HAVE A NUMBER OF JEWS ON OUR BOARD, AREN’T THEY STILL MINORITIES. SOME STILL CAN’T GET INTO WASP COUNTRY CLUBS! DON’T WE GET CREDIT FOR TOKEN JEWS, THAT’S RACIST.

  29. #29
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:48 pm, 123upnorth said:

    I think jews, because they are typically a successful bunch, are part of the problem in terms of the fight for economic justice that the Communist-in-chied, I mean, Commander-in-chief and his supporters often mention.

  30. #30
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:50 pm, Hangfire said:

    Self-centered executives wear the ribbed condoms inside-out, for their own pleasure.

  31. #31
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:52 pm, 123upnorth said:

    No, they just tell their partners that condoms are too tight and uncomfortable to wear. Okay, that is my last condom reference because I don’t want MM to ban me from the site.

  32. #32
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:53 pm, Bob Mc said:

    FWIW, the outfits designed by the Mohallim twins look like the kind of clothes that would get a typical Somali woman stoned if worn in that country.

  33. #33
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:53 pm, ArizonaNeanderthal said:

    gift guide for people “of color.”

    As long as it is paid for by Obama’s Stash and what spaceycakes said.
    ====
    tre : My daughter’s Gals with Guns group got XDs in PINK. Officially it is to show solidarity-women need to protect themselves. Actually there is NO WAY IN THE WORLD their husbands or sons are going to borrow a PINK PISTOL.

    But I think Santa’s Helper is on the way to tre’s house. Make sure the chimney flu is open.

  34. #34
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:56 pm, 123upnorth said:

    Beside of the bad economy, what about a list of all companies that support affirmative action hiring practices so that white people don’t waste their time applying for jobs at companies they know won’t hire them?

  35. #35
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:59 pm, 123upnorth said:

    Or Christmas sweaters with the phrase “Blame Whitey” on the backs.

  36. #36
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:04 pm, 123upnorth said:

    By the way, I am sitting here looking closely at the colour of my skin, and it is more of a pinkish or slightly reddish colour than white.

    What race of people do I belong to?

  37. #37
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:12 pm, 123upnorth said:

    What about a book entitled “10 ways to combat your going postal urges this holiday season”. Because we all know white people are the ones that typically shoot their co-workers when they get over-stressed.

  38. #38
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:12 pm, spaceycakes said:

    123upnorth said: it is more of a pinkish or slightly reddish colour than white.

    What race of people do I belong to?

    I’m Rinso White!

  39. #39
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:14 pm, spaceycakes said:

    Should I be full of self-hate, or should I blame my Scots-Irish blue-eyed parents?

  40. #40
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:14 pm, 123upnorth said:

    Don’t you mean WINO? To mean White in name only.

  41. #41
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:19 pm, 123upnorth said:

    I live in a community of 600,000 people and the majority of them are either Black, Indian/Pakistani or Chinese. However, my country – Canada, is majority white. So, my question is, do I qualify as a minority because my immediate surroundings make me a statistical minority, or do I not qualify because my greater surroundings qualify me as a majority.

    Just wondering, because I never know whether to apply for job openings that state “we encourage applications from members of visible minorities”.

  42. #42
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:20 pm, purealchemy said:

    http://www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

    Actually, this site is quite a good read. It’s sort of comforting to find a place where you don’t have to worry about diversity. Like watching “Mad Men”. LOL

    spacey, I see you are on Facebook. Care to be friends with me?

  43. #43
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:21 pm, walterc said:

    Or perhaps a collection of Al Jolsen movies to take to the White House Christmas party.

  44. #44
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:24 pm, 123upnorth said:

    How come no one has mentioned fruit cake?

  45. #45
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:24 pm, 123upnorth said:

    Wait a minute, my bad. I think the term ‘fruit cake’ might qualify as hate speech.

  46. #46
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:25 pm, purealchemy said:

    How come no one has mentioned fruit cake?

    Lily white.

  47. #47
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:27 pm, CO2 Producer said:

    How about some luxurious Stearns and Foster ivory bed sheets? Or a Collector’s Edition DVD of Birth of a Nation? But don’t do both. I repeat: do. Not. Do. Both.

    On second thought, Birth of a Nation may not be a good idea for some of them; they might take it the wrong way. Never mind. Just the sheets.

    On third thought, they probably wouldn’t like the sheets, either. Forget it.

    Re: what 123upnorth said on December 10th, 2009 at 2:40 pm—I’m offended that you would go after the physical shortcomings of a particular group of people. Expect a call from the ACLU in a, uh, little bit.

  48. #48
    On December 10th, 2009 at 3:43 pm, frostrt said:

    Archie Bunker (opens door on Christmas Eve to see a black Santa Claus standing there):

    “Who the he@@ are you?”

  49. #49
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:02 pm, tre said:

    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:53 pm, ArizonaNeanderthal

    Charter Arms also makes a Pink Lady revolver.

    Somehow, I just can’t quite picture Dirty Harry,Mike Hammer, or Sam Spade whipping one of those out.

  50. #50
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:06 pm, ArizonaNeanderthal said:

    Because we all know white people are the ones that typically shoot their co-workers when they get over-stressed.

    Who shoots their non-working cos? To shoot your co-workers you DO have to have a job-not that I said WORK.

    Damn-off to the sensitivity class again.

    But for those of you interested

    Gifts for grandpa, just a little something he might enjoy.

  51. #51
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:08 pm, ArizonaNeanderthal said:

    On second thought, Birth of a Nation may not be a good idea for some of them; they might take it the wrong way.

    Why is that? Do the horses get hurt?

  52. #52
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:11 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    I live in a community of 600,000 people …However, my country – Canada…

    This is simply the number of people waiting in line for an x-ray, not the actual number living in your community.

  53. #53
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:26 pm, spaceycakes said:

    Az

    snort! HAHAhAA

  54. #54
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:28 pm, madshark said:

    The Beatles “WHITE” Album…

  55. #55
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:30 pm, madshark said:

    BTW, “Gift” in German means poison.

  56. #56
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:30 pm, Hangfire said:

    As a effing Haole here in Hawaii, I am treated as the repressive majority, despite being the only person of Celtic origin on my street.

  57. #57
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:33 pm, spaceycakes said:

    Hangfire: you shall henceforth be to blame for beer and melancholy.

    And singing when drunk.

  58. #58
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:33 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm, 123upnorth said:
    XL’s are 9.5 inches long, so unless your a porn star or recently had surgery, no one needs them that long.

    Which do you think it is? (hint) I have a mustache.

  59. #59
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:34 pm, spaceycakes said:

    is that 9.5 at rest?

  60. #60
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:34 pm, Jeff2161 said:

    I’m surprised Michelle Malkin didn’t mention this..

    ‘Asian Faces: The Essential Beauty and Makeup Guide for Asian Women’ by Taylor Chang-Babaian;
    Foreword by Yoko Ono $24.95 Buy From Amazon Many Asian women have frustrating experiences when having their makeup professionally applied, or even when doing it themselves.

    :shock:

  61. #61
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:35 pm, Jeff2161 said:

    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:33 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:
    On December 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm, 123upnorth said:
    XL’s are 9.5 inches long, so unless your a porn star or recently had surgery, no one needs them that long.
    Which do you think it is? (hint) I have a mustache.

    Do ya like ’70s funk too?

  62. #62
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:47 pm, purealchemy said:

    Hi, Jeff! :grin:

    Who doesn’t like ’70s funk?

  63. #63
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:48 pm, Jeff2161 said:

    Hi, Pure…

  64. #64
    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:55 pm, CO2 Producer said:

    Do the horses get hurt?

    I was thinking in terms of the rarely seen sequel, Birth of a Nation II: Attack of the Zionists.

  65. #65
    On December 10th, 2009 at 5:41 pm, purealchemy said:

    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:28 pm, madshark said:
    The Beatles “WHITE” Album…

    You guys need to think beyond the obvious:


    Full (partial) List of Stuff White People Like

    March 4, 2008 by clander

    #129 Banksy
    #128 Camping
    #127 Where the Wild Things Are
    #126 Vespa Scooters (check!)
    #125 Bob Marley
    #124 Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy
    #123 Mad Men (triple check!)
    #122 Moleskine Notebooks (check!)
    #121 Funny or Ironic Tattoos
    #120 Taking a Year Off (check!)
    #119 Sea Salt
    #118 Ugly Sweater Parties
    #117 Political Prisoners
    #116 Black Music that Black People Don’t Listen to Anymore (check!)
    #115 Promising to Learn a New Language
    #114 America (check!)
    #113 Halloween (check!)
    #112 Hummus (only flavored ones)
    #111 Pea Coats
    #110 Frisbee Sports
    #109 The Onion
    #108 Appearing to Enjoy Classical Music
    #107 Self Aware Hip Hop References (check!)
    #106 Facebook (semi-check)
    #105 Unpaid Internships (check)
    #104 Girls with Bangs
    #103 Sweaters
    #102 Children’s Games as Adults (check)
    #101 Being Offended (?)
    #100 Bumper Stickers (check)
    #99 Grammar (check)
    #98 The Ivy League (check!)
    #97 Scarves (double check)
    #96 New Balance Shoes (check!)
    #95 Rugby

  66. #66
    On December 10th, 2009 at 6:12 pm, zorro said:

    I would just send them lumps of coal. They are very bad people.

  67. #67
    On December 10th, 2009 at 7:54 pm, Marc said:

    The staff of the New York Times is the most monochromatic in the world. Just look at its oped columnists. There is Frank Rich, who can not stop bragging that he went to Harvard. A few weeks ago, Rich was so enthralled with his Harvard diploma that he put a parentheses in the middle of a column and wrote: “Confession. I am a graduate of Harvard College”. Frank Rich actually thinks that the world must know of his years at Hah vud. And then there is Nick Kristof. He brags nonstop that he was an Oregon farmboy who was so brilliant that Harvard came looking for him when he was a mere teenager. Then we come to Tom Friedman. He usually brags that he went to Dartmouth but he will remind you that this is an Ivy League college. You don’t have to ask Mr. Friedman. He will tell you. Then we come to Roger Cohen. He can top his equally liberal colleagues. Cohen brags nonstop that he is an Oxford man and a British man as well. No American he. And there is superannuated Tony Lewis. He wrote over 500 columns devoted to the theme that he went to Harvard. There is one consistent thread in columnists, editors, and often reporters at the Times. They think that they are better than you and me and they want us to know how little they think of us.

  68. #68
    On December 10th, 2009 at 8:19 pm, swede said:

    Typical white liberals compensating for their guilt for not having any black friends. Helps them sleep better.

  69. #69
    On December 10th, 2009 at 8:58 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:34 pm, spaceycakes said:
    is that 9.5 at rest?

    Dunno, hasn’t ever rested yet.

  70. #70
    On December 10th, 2009 at 9:00 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    On December 10th, 2009 at 4:35 pm, Jeff2161 said:
    Do ya like ’70s funk too?

    Bum chika chika wha wha!

  71. #71
    On December 11th, 2009 at 8:55 am, jangar said:

    Fisting kits. Lots & lots of fisting kits. And zucchini.

  72. #72
    On December 11th, 2009 at 10:54 am, rocketman said:

    ***
    Somali Fashion = PIRATE HATS and STOCKING CAPS with eye slots? Aren’t kidnapping and piracy the only “business opportunities” in that benighted country?
    ***
    John Bibb
    ***

  73. #73
    On December 11th, 2009 at 12:34 pm, spaceycakes said:

    Size 16 shoes.

  74. #74
    On December 11th, 2009 at 10:39 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    On December 11th, 2009 at 12:34 pm, spaceycakes said:
    Size 16 shoes.

    TRAPPER
    (relieved to find another subject) What gives over there?

    They look across the compound to the Shower Tent, behind which an Army
    truck full of GIs has just pulled up. While Hawkeye and Duke explain
    what’s going on to Trapper, and the three of them move in for a closer
    look, we see the visiting GIs drop one by one from the rear of the truck,
    pay their admission fees and take their places in the line leading up to
    the strategically placed peep hole in the rear corner of the tent.

    DUKE
    Must be Painlees Pole Day in
    the Shower Tent.

    HAWKEYE
    (to Trapper)
    You met him. Walt Waldowski, the
    Dental Officer.

    DUKE
    Nice guy, for an enamel surgeon.

    TRAPPER
    What are they peeking at?
    Captain Waldowski in the shower?

    HAWKEYE
    Part of him. Painless is the
    owner and operator of the Pride
    of Hamtrack. That’s where he
    comes from…Hamtrack, Michigan.

    DUKE
    Best equipped dentist in the whole
    goddam Army. Care to have a look,
    a man with your background?

    HAWKEYE
    Way we hear it, the Pride is
    supposed to have run up the highest
    lifetime batting average ever
    recorded in Wayne County.

    23 EXT. SHOWER TENT – DAY

    Corporal Judson from Mississippi takes his turn at the peephole. His
    speech is that of the rural southern black.

    JUDSON
    Ah’d purely love to see it angry.

  75. #75
    On December 14th, 2009 at 1:33 pm, spaceycakes said:

    LOL, Rogue. Nice going.

    How is it that I have to keep buying mrcakes bigger & bigger shoes???

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