Latest in Enviro-Nut High Fashion: Glacier Hugging Suits

By Doug Powers  •  October 14, 2010 03:44 PM

**Written by Doug Powers

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New from “Gorebot Wearhouse” — the moonbat outfitters who brought you “Endangered Garanimals” as well as “Brazilian Magnum,” the hemp-flannel body condom specially designed for making sweet hippie love to unwitting rainforests, comes another perverse encroachment upon Mother Nature’s civil liberties: the Glacier Embracing Suit:

This suit explores the avenue of “body” language and non-verbal communication. Intended for awkward introductory glacier encounters, it acts as an “ice breaker”, better enabling a person to lie prone on the surface of the glacier and give it a hug. Worn on the front of the body, the reflective padded material serves to mediate the difference in temperatures between the human body and the glacial ice.

Is there a lawyer in the house who’s willing to bring sexual harassment charges on behalf of the glaciers? At least some trees are getting a much needed break.

(h/t Moonbattery)

**Written by Doug Powers

Twitter @ThePowersThatBe

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Comments


  1. #1
    On October 14th, 2010 at 3:48 pm, spaceycakes said:

    Ah, gentle warriors. Pass the roach, there, Captain Smegma.

  2. #2
    On October 14th, 2010 at 3:51 pm, letget said:

    I can hardly wait to see the Victoria Secret ladies go down the run-way with this thing on! These nuts are indeed nuts!
    L

  3. #3
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:03 pm, Dexter Alarius said:

    Those ‘Tommy Hilf#@$%er’ items don’t look like they’re made of recyclable material. Isn’t that a sin, or something?

  4. #4
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:03 pm, J S Ragman said:

    I’m looking forward to the polar bear hugging suit. Let’s all chip in a get a bunch of them for the wingnuts.

  5. #5
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:05 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    What a bunch of poofters! If you’re gonna make love to something, be it animal, vegetable, or mineral, get naked for crying out loud!

  6. #6
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:05 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    I am sure the glaciers will be wet with anticipation!

  7. #7
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:05 pm, coffee said:

    This is a joke right? Please, please tell me this is a joke. If it isn’t, I’m going as a glacial hugger for Halloween.

  8. #8
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:07 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    Do they also have a handy tutorial on glacial genitalia, I mean how would you know if you’re doing it right?

  9. #9
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:09 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    If you “tear off a piece” of glacier and it falls into the ocean, does that mean it had an orgasm?

  10. #10
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:10 pm, RTater said:

    Neo-paganism. Just cut to the chase and start sacrificing people to the ice/gia/volcano/desert/jungle/etc.

  11. #11
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:11 pm, et said:

    NO NO NO It’s really the suit Mrs Crist wears when hugging ‘The Orange One.’

  12. #12
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:12 pm, Dexter Alarius said:

    On the bright side, the bottom side of those pads are probably smooth enough that once lain upon the glacierapist will start sliding toward the nearest crevasse.

  13. #13
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:14 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    Hipster Doofus: “Dear diary, I made love to a glacier today! It thought I was a great lover, but actually I was just frozen stiff! I was gonna go back again next week but I understand it may be having a heavy floe.”

  14. #14
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:16 pm, rightisright said:

    good Lord these idiots have way too much time on their hands…wings what ever they think they have.

  15. #15
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:16 pm, cabrerski said:

    Was that Dumpster Muffin modeling the suit?

    Talk about your significant other being frigid.

  16. #16
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:20 pm, guitarguy said:

    Hats-off to the person who thought of this.
    Genius!
    In this down economy, somebody saw a niche and decided to fil it……and his/her wallet as well!

    Kudos to the person laughing all the way to the bank.

    Hooray for Capitalism!!!!

  17. #17
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:20 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    Hipster Doofus: ” Go again? Why yes, I will have some more Eskimo Pie!”

  18. #18
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:22 pm, coffee said:

    There are Chilean miners laughing AT us right now for being kittens.

  19. #19
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:26 pm, WarEagle82 said:

    Is their no limit to their insanity? How crazy can you be and still walk the streets in modern America? Why aren’t these people locked up for their own protection?

    Mother Gaea and “The Goddess” are laughing AT them and NOT WITH them…

  20. #20
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:28 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    Wouldn’t it be great to film one of them loving the glacier and the cuckolded polar bear comes along?!

  21. #21
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:31 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    Hipster Doofus: ” All I know is when I put on this suit I get a vibraty feeling in my guttywuts!”

  22. #22
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:31 pm, Dexter Alarius said:

    Kudos to the person laughing all the way to the bank.

    Probably a Conservative with a sense of humor.
    If I could think of a way to exploit/mock environuts for a buck, I’d do it.

  23. #23
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:34 pm, spaceycakes said:

    gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘blue balls’.

  24. #24
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:35 pm, Dexter Alarius said:

    WARNING: If you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, treat for frostbite!

  25. #25
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:38 pm, Dexter Alarius said:

    Hey, I thought they didn’t want any drilling in ANWR!

  26. #26
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:44 pm, DanMan said:

    NAMGLA – hey at least there are no laws against it.

    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:12 pm, Dexter Alarius said:
    Nice visual. After a torrid encounter with a glacier that cold dip will be a mofo!

  27. #27
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:45 pm, right_on said:

    Question to a liberal: Why is glacial ice blue?

    Answer: Because it’s sad and needs a hug.

    Voila, glacier suit!

  28. #28
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:45 pm, stillontheroad said:

    Geez, for those that just happen by and want to drop in for a cold one – freakin perverts what is next?

  29. #29
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:46 pm, SHoward said:

    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:03 pm, J S Ragman said:

    I’m looking forward to the polar bear hugging suit. Let’s all chip in a get a bunch of them for the wingnuts.

    And they should be made to promote cooperation in the natural world. They should look like seals when worn.

  30. #30
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:51 pm, docflash said:

    I know there are cracks and crevices but are all glaciers female?

  31. #31
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:56 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    Worn on the front of the body, the reflective padded material serves to mediate the difference in temperatures between the human body and the glacial ice.

    The Bill Clinton “It’s Hillary’s Birthday Suit”?

  32. #32
    On October 14th, 2010 at 4:56 pm, AlohaGuy said:

    Drat again….

  33. #33
    On October 14th, 2010 at 5:12 pm, stillontheroad said:

    Ice Packers is what they are – Are the Glaciers able to say yes or no?

  34. #34
    On October 14th, 2010 at 5:14 pm, Dexter Alarius said:

    I’m looking forward to the polar bear hugging suit.

    Didn’t Lady Gaga model one of those recently? Made of raw meat?

  35. #35
    On October 14th, 2010 at 5:15 pm, blues said:

    These are for peope who LOVE glaciers,but can’t bring themselves to actually come into contact with the yucky things.

  36. #36
    On October 14th, 2010 at 5:18 pm, Flyoverman said:

    I would REALLY like to get one of these.

    However, my Pet Rock is gettng on in years and I am afraid that someday I will have to put him down. I need to save for that day. I will also need money to buy a replacement, get shots, get it neutered, licensed, etc.

    You need to neuter them, because if you don’t one day your lawn is overrun with their young and your grass is ruined.

    I will have o reluctantly pass on the suit.

  37. #37
    On October 14th, 2010 at 5:23 pm, hawkeye54 said:

    These are for peope who LOVE glaciers,but can’t bring themselves to actually come into contact with the yucky things.

    They must be full body glacial condoms for practicing safe ice sex.

  38. #38
    On October 14th, 2010 at 5:27 pm, Dexter Alarius said:

    Um, where did you take that core sample? Behind that mound over there? I’ll be right back, I’m just going to, uh, hug it, okay?

  39. #39
    On October 14th, 2010 at 5:32 pm, hawkeye54 said:

    What a bunch of poofters! If you’re gonna make love to something, be it animal, vegetable, or mineral, get naked for crying out loud!

    Not to mention all the precious energy consumed for most of these kooks to get to a glacier for an ice hugging orgy. You’re right though, they need to be naked as its the most natural way for such an encounter. Come to think of it they should forego clothes entirely. For them to wear man made materials for clothing, very bad, or exploiting animal or plant materials…also bad…(the production of either an affront and harmful to the natural environment)to selfishly clothe themselves! Hypocrites!!

  40. #40
    On October 14th, 2010 at 5:53 pm, Blackstone said:

    I feel so bad for the guys over at The Onion. The zippies are making it impossible to parody. Some Onionite was probably right in the middle of coming up with this exact story when he found out it was real.

  41. #41
    On October 14th, 2010 at 5:58 pm, CO2 Producer said:

    The air surrounds me in its loving embrace. Its spirit keeps me clean. I reach out and touch it gently. We kiss. The feeling soothes and comforts me. I allow it insi…

    Sorry, caught up in the moment. I need a cold shower now.

    The water surrounds me in its loving embrace. Its spirit keeps me clean…

  42. #42
    On October 14th, 2010 at 6:26 pm, tettes said:

    your friend doug forgot to mention (or doesn’t realize) that this isn’t a product to be sold, nor is it intended to be fashionable in any way.

    IT’S A FREAKING ART PROJECT.

    didn’t anyone bother to click through and actually read this for themselves?

  43. #43
    On October 14th, 2010 at 6:26 pm, Dexter Alarius said:

    The air surrounds me in its loving embrace. Its spirit keeps me clean. I reach out and touch it gently. We kiss. My lips are stuck!

    Double-dog dare ya!

  44. #44
    On October 14th, 2010 at 6:45 pm, cabrerski said:

    This must be a fiendish addiction. First it starts with a cup of ice at the theatre, when the lemonade in finished. Next, they become aroused when the checking out groceries and the clerk asks them if they need stamps or ice. Soon, they are mainlining with a 25lb bag of cubes at the local water/ice store.

    Before long, the addict is hocking Grandms’s engagement ring to buy the ticket to Antarctica. Anti-ice counselors are calling on the White House to name an Ice Czar.

    Political handicappers are saying that Lisa Murkowski is the early favorite, but even former President Bill Clinton was heard from. “Why, ah think that Hillary would be perfect as the Ice Czar…no one knows more sheets of ice than that gal. Ouch! Whaddah say? Ouch!”

  45. #45
    On October 14th, 2010 at 7:59 pm, sbw999 said:

    Why can’t they fall in love with sharks the same way?

  46. #46
    On October 14th, 2010 at 9:15 pm, Rogue Cheddar said:

    I’m sure you meant Sea Kittens.

  47. #47
    On October 14th, 2010 at 10:21 pm, docflash said:

    On October 14th, 2010 at 6:26 pm, tettes said:

    IT’S A FREAKING ART PROJECT.

    didn’t anyone bother to click through and actually read this for themselves?

    ————————————-
    So what’s your point?Chill out,It’s Thursday,time for a little humor on top of all the crap we have thrown at us.

  48. #48
    On October 14th, 2010 at 10:37 pm, On-my-soap-box said:

    I will create a volcano suit and make bazillions – bwaaaahhahahahahha. Imagine the “eruption” from hugging a volcano. :shock:

  49. #49
    On October 15th, 2010 at 12:50 am, kcnut said:

    I weep for the glacier being assaulted like that.

  50. #50
    On October 15th, 2010 at 2:35 am, Speakup said:

    Awww, you loons don’t need that, your tongue won’t stick, try it.

  51. #51
    On October 15th, 2010 at 3:45 am, tbear44 said:

    On October 14th, 2010 at 6:26 pm, tettes said:

    IT’S A FREAKING ART PROJECT.

    So I guess that means some city such city as Seattle or San Francisco will pay a few mil for it and proudly display it in a city or county building?

  52. #52
    On October 15th, 2010 at 8:03 am, ex-expat said:

    I’ve said it before and will repeat it here; we are still paying for the sixties!

  53. #53
    On October 15th, 2010 at 8:16 am, John Deaux said:

    Sorry, I don’t want Al Gore’s sloppy seconds.

  54. #54
    On October 15th, 2010 at 8:27 am, ThatSamIAm said:

    Frostbite means No!

  55. #55
    On October 15th, 2010 at 8:49 am, babiesgrandma said:

    Momma: How was your date with the glacier, dear?

    Loony Son: Well, she appeared a little cold.

    Momma: Well, I’m sure she’ll warm up to you. Did you use “protection” like we showed you?

    Loony Son: Yes, but it didn’t help much. She gave me a chilly reception.

  56. #56
    On October 15th, 2010 at 9:02 am, stillontheroad said:

    tettes said:
    Yeah and Art imitates Life and for these environuts It really does. Sort of like going to the North Pole with bathing suits to prove Global Warming and nearly freeze to death and need to be rescued. Or maybe the marriage between Woman and Dolphin or The guy that felt Bears were/are just like us and just need to be understood and was promptly eaten by said bear. The list is endless.

  57. #57
    On October 15th, 2010 at 9:20 am, jlhudg23 said:

    I guess they’re trying to defend themselves against the charge of being “numb nuts”.

    And even in their own twisted little [il-]logical world, nature didn’t create or provide them with these idiotic things. So shouldn’t they be lying out there butt naked on the ice?

  58. #58
    On October 15th, 2010 at 9:31 am, RTater said:

    Similar:

    http://www.dailycamera.com/fourmile-canyon-fire/ci_16341787?source=most_viewed

    For years, Priscilla Stuckey and her life partner have been hiking up Bald Mountain to reconnect. Among the picturesque landscape that she cherishes was a towering ponderosa pine she described as a “friend.”

    “My sweetie and I made regular trips to Bald Mountain,” she said. “On Sunday mornings, we would hike up there, sit on the bench, talk to one another and say ‘hello’ to the tree on the way down.”

  59. #59
    On October 15th, 2010 at 9:59 am, spaceycakes said:

    IT’S A FREAKING ART PROJECT.

    chill.
    ;)

  60. #60
    On October 15th, 2010 at 10:17 am, stillontheroad said:

    spaceycakes said:
    Bet he is singing “Roll, Roll, Roll on the Glacier.” Or saying “Put za Ice Bak”

  61. #61
    On October 15th, 2010 at 10:21 am, spaceycakes said:

    stillontheroad;

    or to paraphrase Bubba: ‘you should put some ice on that–oh, I see you have.’

  62. #62
    On October 15th, 2010 at 10:28 am, Teddy Kennedy said:

    Errah maybe this genius was tought how to put a condom on an icicle in his Earth Studies Class in High School

  63. #63
    On October 15th, 2010 at 10:32 am, Teddy Kennedy said:

    Errah I’ll bet NOG (National Organization of Glaciers) will have somethig to say about this. What will the LGBT community have to say if this guy has his way with Exit Glacier in Alaska?

  64. #64
    On October 15th, 2010 at 11:24 am, jlhudg23 said:

    IT’S A FREAKING ART PROJECT.

    That means there’s almost surely government funds supporting it.

  65. #65
    On October 15th, 2010 at 1:26 pm, Blackstone said:

    That means there’s almost surely government funds supporting it.

    And even if there isn’t, someone’s still getting a nice comfy tax break. That’s the whole purpose of a lot of “art” these days.

  66. #66
    On October 15th, 2010 at 2:56 pm, CrazyFool said:

    So… ummmm…

    How much CO2 is produced in the manufacture of these things?

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