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Who’s Up For a ‘Center for Science in the Public Interest Xtreme Eating Awards’ Diet?

By Doug Powers  •  November 19, 2010 04:25 PM

**Written by Doug Powers

As the First Lady prepares to announce a plan to put 5,000 salad bars in schools across the nation (nothing says “this will keep you healthy” like a salad bar for runny-nosed students who are a foot-and-a-half shorter than the sneeze guard), the Center for Science in the Public Interest has announced their 2010 Xtreme Eating Awards for the most unhealthy foods you can put in your body. Some of it looks pretty darn good!

For some time now, I’ve had the notion for a diet consisting of nothing other than foods the Center for Science in the Public Interest warns us not to eat, and this might be tha catalyst to get it started.

Here’s what the CSPI’s Xtreme Eating Awards are all about:

With two out of three adults—and one out of three children—overweight or obese, you’d think that restaurants would have some interest in keeping their patrons alive and dining out longer.

With mandatory calorie labeling on the horizon for chain restaurants, you’d think that restaurants would be dropping high-calorie items from their menus.

With close to 30 percent of young Americans too heavy to join the military, you’d think that restaurants would at least stop introducing new heavyweight items.

Nope. It’s business as usual in the restaurant industry. And that means it’s business as usual around here. Welcome to our 2010 Xtreme Eating Awards.

The “get out of Iraq and Afghanistan and close Gitmo” left has been reduced to expecting everybody to believe that they’re losing sleep over people’s weight disqualifying them from joining the military? If you had “no, that’s not why” in the office pool, you win. The reason of course is that turning obesity into a national security issue gives them a weak justification for yet another government takeover — of “Big Chef” in this case.

By the way, the Xtreme Eating winners are here. More stuff to add to my bucket list.

The CSPI calls Olive Garden’s 1,030-calorie, deep-fried Lasagna Fritta appetizer “food porn.” Bow-chicka-bow-bowww… Previous CSPI “food porn” winners are “Debbie Does Donuts” and “Deep-Dish-Pizza Throat.”

As for the new diet, no, I don’t think I’ll exist completely on food the Center for Science in the Public Interest warns against, but if I did I’m willing to bet that I’d still outlive the namby-pamby nannies at the CSPI whose blood-pressure reading red lines every time they see a McDonalds Happy Meal commercial.

My kids won’t take part in the new diet either, because they have something called “parents,” and as such have little need for the Center for Science in the Public Interest.

**Written by Doug Powers

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