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Mayor Bloomberg’s Spanish Snow Address Translated for Our English Speaking Audience

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By Doug Powers  •  December 28, 2010 04:21 PM

**Written by Doug Powers

Today, New York City Mayor Bloomberg delivered a message in Spanish concerning the blizzard that has crippled much of the eastern US.

Click the pic to hear the announcement:

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If you don’t speak Spanish, here’s a translation of the Mayor’s update:

*****
My fellow Spanish-speaking New Yorkers. You may have noticed a large amount of a white substance that has been accumulating outside for some time now. I want to reassure anybody who might fear for his or her safety that the substance is not salt. I repeat, it is not salt. I’ve also heard claims that the substance might be sugar. Thankfully, this is not true. Our Health Department has tested the substance and assures me that it is indeed snow.

Now, the bad news. It’s a fact that global warming is making snowstorms worse. And, as I’ve said before, global warming is comparable to terrorism. Ergo, our city has suffered a terrorist attack of sorts. But at least it’s not salt.

Additionally, the Health Department has asked me to remind everyone of the proper technique for shoveling snow — 1) Don’t smoke; 2) lift with your legs; 3) seriously, don’t even think about smoking 4) recognize and understand that, yes, the snow is all white and in no way a fair representation of our great city, but it is only snow. Definitely not salt! Thank you for your attention. As-Salamu Alaykum.

*****
Update: The speaking Spanish thing doesn’t seem to be working. New Yorkers are starting to ask themselves how effectively Team Bloomie would respond to a real crisis if they’re getting their asses kicked by a snowstorm.

**Written by Doug Powers

Twitter @ThePowersThatBe

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