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**Written by Doug Powers

Granted there’s a lot of speculation in Hugo’s statement. To follow this, you must assume the following: A) There was once an intelligent civilization on Mars, and B) They had Starbucks, Baby Gaps, a stock exchange, lots of smokestacks, zero scrubber technology and lived in an alternate reality written and directed by James Cameron.

If you needed any more evidence Chavez needs to quit chewing coca and smoking rolled up pages from Al Gore’s Earth in the Balance, here you go:

CARACAS (Reuters) – Capitalism may be to blame for the lack of life on the planet Mars, Venezuela’s socialist President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday.

“I have always said, heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars, but maybe capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived and finished off the planet,” Chavez said in speech to mark World Water Day.

“Careful! Here on planet Earth where hundreds of years ago or less there were great forests, now there are deserts. Where there were rivers, there are deserts,” Chavez said, sipping from a glass of water.

Maybe Hugo should take Sean Penn all the rest of his friends and go to the planet that capitalism failed to establish a Marxist utopia. The journey itself would be worth watching. Have you ever seen how a parrot responds to weightlessness? It’s hilarious.

**Written by Doug Powers

Twitter @ThePowersThatBe