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**Written by Doug Powers

Melting glaciers? Eh.

More hurricanes? Shrug.

Collapsing bridges? Pfft.

It’ll screw up your Internet access? Everybody panic!

At least that’s the hope this time:

Wi-fi internet access and other communications are at risk from global warming unless measures are taken to protect them from rising temperatures and stormier weather, a government report warned on Monday.

Presenting the report, the secretary of state for the environment, Caroline Spelman, said that higher temperatures can reduce the range of wireless communications, rainstorms can impact the reliability of the signal, and drier summers and wetter winters may cause greater subsidence, damaging masts and underground cables.
[...]
“If climate change threatens the quality of your signal, or you can’t get it because of extreme fluctuations in temperature, then you will be disadvantaged, which is why we must address the question,” said Spelman, “and just imagine in the height of an emergency if the communications system is down or adversely affected.”

The report is on how the UK’s infrastructure – from road and rail, to power stations, to water supplies – needs to be made more resilient to climate change.

Global warming being a threat to the Internet Al Gore took the initiative in inventing is the six degrees of separation in this claim. What’s even more catastrophic, the separation of six degrees will increase by one and a half degrees to a full seven and a half degrees of separation by 2050 if we don’t send the global warmists our money (snail mail only, no Internet transactions please — if you’ve been paying attention you know why).

Actually it’ll be kind of nice if global warming cripples the Internet a bit and spares us an intolerable onslaught of “hot ’nuff fer ya!?” Tweets.

Ace of Spades sums up the horror we face:

If we don’t destroy our economy immediately, we all could be plunged, temporarily, back into the Dark Ages of 1991-1993.

You might have to sign up for America Online again, people.

America. On. Line.

Get with the program, wingnuts. The porn you save could be your own.

**Written by Doug Powers

Twitter @ThePowersThatBe