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It’s About Time: 6 Senators Move to Make the Sale of Fake Maple Syrup a Felony

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By Doug Powers  •  October 21, 2011 04:28 PM

**Written by Doug Powers

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Amid the chaos of war, economic hardship, moral decay, crony capitalism, graft and corruption, is there any more refreshing way to kick off a weekend than by finding out that there are still at least a half dozen members of the US Senate who haven’t lost track of the real problem? I’m of course referring to a scourge that is ripping apart the fabric of this nation: fake maple syrup:

Six senators introduced legislation that would make selling fake maple syrup a felony offense leading to fines and up to five years in prison.

The Maple Agriculture Protection and Law Enforcement (MAPLE) Act is a response to what chief sponsor Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) and others say is the increasing practice of cheating Vermont, Upstate New York and other maple syrup regions by selling inferior, fake syrup.

“I have been alarmed by the growing number of individuals and businesses claiming to sell genuine Vermont maple syrup when they are in fact selling an inferior product that is not maple syrup at all,” Leahy said Thursday. “This is fraud, plain and simple, and it undermines a key part of Vermont’s economy and reputation for quality that has been hard-earned through Vermonters’ hard work.”

He added that others in the syrup-producing regions of Maine, New York and other states also have been hurt. Sens. Susan Collins (R-Maine), Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.), Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.), Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) and Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) are all co-sponsors.

When it comes to sap, there’s no group of senators I trust more to know their stuff.

Selling fake maple syrup is currently merely a misdemeanor, but if the “Syrup Six” have their way, it will be a felony, and the following conversation may soon take place in a high security prison near you:

“What’cha in for?”

“Armed robbery. You?”

“Counterfeit waffle topping.”

How long will it be until Joe Biden’s jobs bill spiel gets an addition: “Murders will go up, rapes will go up, robberies will go up, fake maple syrup will go up…”

Useless trivia: The MAPLE Act is, oddly enough, the second piece of proposed legislation I’ve read about this week where the word that contains the first letter of the acronym is also the name of the entire acronym — the DIAPER Act being the other. I think that’s mandated by the REDUNDANCY Act — the R stands for redundancy.

**Written by Doug Powers

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