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**Written by Doug Powers

The confirmation of John Kerry brought the United States — nay the world — the most philosophical secretary of state since Henry Kissinger said something I couldn’t quite understand but that sounded pretty heavy.

Last month, Kerry gave the world this pearl: “There is no pause button on the future” (somebody’s obviously never heard of Ambien). Earlier this week Kerry had some fresh wisdom to impart:

Describing himself as “a child of the ocean,” Secretary of State John Kerry warned that the “fragile ecosystem” is threatened by climate change.

“We call this beautiful planet that we are privileged to inhabit for a short period of time — we call it Earth, but it could well have been called Ocean because three-quarters of it is ocean,” Kerry told a gathering at the National Geographic Society in Washington on Monday.

Maybe we’d call the world “Ocean” if humans were called “Salmon,” but that’s not the way it worked out, Mr. Climate.

Has the self-proclaimed “child of the ocean” paid the Treasury yet for being a child of delinquent luxury yacht taxes?

Unreliable sources tell me our newest philosopher of state was prepared to ask the NGC gathering, “Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round; the jar is round… they should call it Roundtine.” But an eagle-eyed aide removed the line, possibly sparing Kerry an embarrassing plagiarism accusation.

(h/t Weasel Zippers)

**Written by Doug Powers

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