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Hillary Clinton weighs in on Ferguson protests, Titanic sinking

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By Doug Powers  •  August 29, 2014 05:31 AM

**Written by Doug Powers

Hillary Clinton finally commented publicly about Ferguson, Missouri — just in time to help cool things down. Thanks to the delay, the Hillary 2016 semi-rapid response team had enough time to run a planned statement by about 150 focus groups. Unfortunately, after that filtering, the only words that made the cut were “and” and “the.” Instead of going with just two words, Team Hillary bravely decided to chance it.

Place your bets: How many times was this rehearsed in front of a mirror in Chappaqua?

Abridged version: Horrible, but way to go, almost everybody involved!

Apparently “what difference does it make” did not make the cut this time.

After her belated Ferguson statement, Hillary went on to say that she was shocked and dismayed by the sinking of the Titanic, but praised the crew’s efforts as well as acts of bravery from some passengers while saying that the drifting iceberg, while serving as possible evidence of global warming, remained steadfast throughout the ordeal.

**Written by Doug Powers

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