[I've been reading a bit too much of The Mogambo Guru archives on 321gold.com lately and offer this fictionalized Richard Daughty-esque rant in homage.]

Behind the scenes at the VDARE.COM virtual headquarters, I chain-smoke my way through the afternoon watching Humphrey Bogart end up murdered in a ditch by Mexican banditos for the umpteenth time in a Treasure of the Sierra Madre rerun on the VDARE.COM employee lounge’s crappy black-and-white TV.

Wondering why he hasn’t seen or heard from me in a week, the Capo di Tutti Capi himself, Peter Brimelow, discovers me in my sloth, and suggests a story idea. He tells me that energetic VDARE.COM reader Roger Chaillet—winner of the hard-fought 2003 War Against Christmas Competition – just sent him an e-mail about a British pederast actually agreeing to be deported during the course of removal proceedings in EOIR Immigration Court.

Figuring that none of the other VDARE.COM staffers could care less about ever again hearing anything about the Department of Justice’s Executive Office for Immigration Review – the dreaded EOIR – much less even bother reading my weekly (ever-increasing in conspiratorial ferocity and outright shrillness) rants on the subject . . . not to mention reading and forwarding my Absolutely Definitive Essay to all the charlatans, crooks and phonies serving in lieu of their elected representatives (unless they happen to live in the sixth Congressional district of Colorado, of course)…Brimelow passed the EOIR-related e-mail along to me.

But this is not about how Congress just keeps going on with the same old ridiculous psychotic bloated-government formal hearing procedure to deport every single illegal alien and criminal alien resident in the United States with their own private hearing in front of a Department of Justice lawyer in a robe. . . expecting that illegal immigration and the massive foreign crime wave on our shores will be "solved" by sending every single removal order generated by this worthless system to an automatic appeal before another set of bureaucrats at the EOIR’s Board of Immigration Appeals (BIA) in Falls Church, Virginia, and then on to yet another automatic appellate review before the Circuit Courts of Appeal all over the country, and then back and forth among the tree-sloth-infested Byzantine taxpayer-money-squandering courts over and over again until the alien finally somehow adjusts status in the United States and winds up with a "green card" anyhow.

No, it’s certainly not!

Read more of my latest column -- Give It A Rest, Peter! . . . Deporting A British Pederast Pervert Is A Good Thing! -- posted in the Juan Mann Archive on VDARE.com.